“The world is violent and mercurial — it will have its way with you. We are saved only by love — love for each other and the love that we pour into the art we feel compelled to share: being a parent; being a writer; being a painter; being a friend. We live in a perpetually burning building, and what we must save from it, all the time, is love.” ~ Tennesee Williams
I wonder what would happen if we were all to commit ourselves, over these next months, to small gestures of love, healing, and reconciliation? Would the national mood of distrust and divisiveness change for the better?
What would happen if we took our cues from the graceful, forceful words spoken yesterday by Hillary Clinton and President Obama, and by the President-elect as well, all of whom encouraged Americans to come together now, and to do whatever we can, wherever we are, to repair our torn social fabric?
What would happen if those of us who grieved the results of this election chose today, and in the days ahead, to transform that grief into renewed determination — determination to create a kinder, safer, more tolerant country, one in which to be a citizen means to uphold our deepest national values of freedom and dignity and respect for all Americans?
What if we were to stake out this small territory as our first patch of common ground: a respect for our imperfect yet precious democracy, manifested by an insistence, from both sides, that the President-elect start making good, right now, on his election-eve promise to reunite the country?
Over the weekend, after posting a blog essay urging women who were considering sitting out the election to vote for Hillary Clinton, I received a number of comments from readers who told me I should not write about politics or even voice a political opinion. I posted all of them, the ones left here and those on Facebook as well, with the exception of one graphic and obscene insult. This morning, as I consider my own path forward, I’m also thinking about how to respond to those messages. There were long-time readers who canceled their subscriptions to my blog, done with me because I was voting differently. Others wrote to let me know I should keep my thoughts to myself, and some wrote to denounce Hillary Clinton as a criminal and to express shock that I would support her.
Politics is never going to be my beat. Frankly, I’d much rather share a beautiful photo from my daily walk, or words that capture the wonder of some seemingly insignificant moment, or a reflection about how hard it can be to surrender with grace to events not of our choosing.
My own daily life is my theme, with all its ups and downs, and I write about it here not because it’s “mine” but because, in the writing, I find a way to connect not only with my own better self, but with you. Together, we celebrate the goodness of all our ordinary lives and the things that really matter: gratitude, tenderness, acceptance, care.
I write as a way of addressing life’s inevitable challenges and transforming them, with quiet attention, from problems to be surmounted into opportunities for growth.
But there was no way to keep politics separate from life during these last difficult months. There was no way for me not to be affected and appalled by threats of violence, of walls to be erected and international agreements to be broken, of religious tests and mass deportations, and callous boasts about grabbing and assaulting women. I worry about any leader who dismisses climate change as a hoax, who wants sovereignty over women’s bodies, who denigrates those who are different, who views our country’s need for gun control as a conspiracy against Second Amendment rights. These are issues I care about. They do affect my life, as they do all our lives.
To me, to most Americans, it does indeed feel as if there is a great deal at stake in our country. That there are differences of opinion about how to solve some of our intractable problems is a given. What is not a given, however, is the manner in which we express and respond to these differences. We can choose to close our ears and our hearts to those who disagree with us. Or we can make an attempt to stand in someone else’s shoes and to see the world through another’s eyes. This is the definition of empathy.
Without apology or excuse, I do make a stand for empathy. And, whether you voted for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton or another candidate on Tuesday, I invite anyone reading these words to join me. I would like to believe that “empathy” is a value we can all get behind. It’s a path we must begin to travel together. I would like to believe that empathy could be our second patch of common ground — or rather, common humanity. Empathy is a choice each and every one of us can make as we go about our lives, as we interact with people who look different, who love different, who act different, who worship gods other than our own, who hold different views and who make different choices based on those views. Empathy isn’t about changing minds. Empathy is about opening hearts. It’s about choosing love over fear, moment to moment, word by word, deed by deed.
I wasn’t planning to write a blog post this morning. My breakfast dishes are still on the counter, I have work to do, and a bookstore reading tonight to prepare for. But when I opened my email a little while ago, I found one new comment on my blog from last week, from a woman who wanted space there to celebrate Donald Trump’s victory. I could have chosen not to approve it, but that didn’t feel like empathy to me. And so I posted it, and then I answered it. And one thing led to another. So here we are.
To those who said “stick to writing about parenting and family life,” I hear you. Those are subjects dear to my heart. But life is large and complex and the matters we must wrestle with aren’t easily kept in separate boxes. I do believe this, though: we’re all in it together. Today many of us are grieving. Others are relieved. But my guess is that almost all of us are scared. And there is room here for all of us. Love or fear?
moments of seeing: reflections from an ordinary life
Finished copies of Moments of Seeing are available and I’m excited to share it with you.
If you’d like to purchase a signed copy, click here. (Buy 4, and your shipping is free!)
READINGS:
New Hampshire friends, I’ll be at the lovely Water Street Bookstore in Exeter at 7 pm tonight, Nov. 10.
And on Sunday afternoon, Nov. 13, I return to my old hometown, Winchester, MA, to read at Book Ends.
For info about these and other events, click here.
I awoke leaden with a weight like being under deep water, still in shock from the results of the election; then I read your post. Your beautiful perspective brings tears to my eyes, Katrina; releasing some of the grief. I will begin today to remember to practice empathy in each situation where I want to shut down, shut out, hold on. Thank you.
Grief is a pretty natural first response when things don’t go our way. I think all of us who’d hoped for a different outcome have felt it. Transforming grief into empathy seems to me a process worth engaging in, and for me writing this post was definitely a step in that direction.
This is so beautiful, Katrina. I agree with all of it.
I was hoping you would write an article after the Election. I am so glad you did. It calms the many fears that people have and gives them a way to channel their frustrations.
People fear what they do not know. They most certainly have reason to be nervous about someone who is going to be the President of our country, someone who has made negative remarks about over half the population of our country. I hope that this president can be a president for all the people, not just those who support him. I hope he can allow himself to be understanding and empathic in his dealings with those different than himself. The world will be watching him and his actions. We will have to wait and see what will happen. In the meantime, our lives will go on. Remember what Hillary said, Love Trumps Hate. Thank you Katrina for your calming words.
Thank you Linda. I wasn’t sure I would write anything, actually. But it feels like self-care to take a stand for empathy. And maybe I, too, needed a reminder that we are more alike than different and that what unites us is a deep faith in the human spirit.
It might be that the readers that tried to silence you have no voice themselves. How sad. You just brought many of us great peace with this sharing. I’ll do your dishes LOL.
That is a sweet offer! Dishes done! It has been hard to hear from those women, yes. And yet I hope that with this post and the comments shared here, we are clearing the air. Too easy to forget that we all have tender hearts that are easily bruised. Mine certainly is.
Thank you, Katrina, for beautifully expressing what many of people are feeling. I did not support Hillary, nor did I support Trump in the end, but I have been deeply hurt and dismayed by the number of people who felt over the last couple days that it was their right and their duty to hurl insults and degrading comments at me simply because I had a different opinion than they, because when I voted my conscience it did not reflect theirs. And yet, ironically, these are the same people who have been, for all the years I’ve known them, preaching love and tolerance. Some of my beliefs and trusts have been shattered over the last several days, and my heart is heavy, not so much for the results of the election, but our country’s reaction to it. Thank you your thoughtful post today!
Thank you Deb. It seems there are many shattered hearts, on all sides. I’m glad you shared your experience here, such a good reminder that it’s one thing to speak of tolerance and another to actually embody it. I believe we all have work to do. Let’s continue to encourage each other to be our best selves.
Thank you Katrina for this heartfelt and beautiful post. I live in Canada and feel heavy despair over the outcome of the election. This blog gives me hope. I am also deeply saddened people think they have the right to tell you what to write about. I don’t understand when women want to silence women. Men do it often enough. I considered your last blog and the wonderful letter two of the best views I encountered on what I considered a horrid election process. I read your words a few times with tears streaming down my face. You write beautifully and from your heart. Please don’t stifle yourself from anything you want to share with us. I welcome and embrace it all. As women, we have a right to our voice even when others think they know better what we should be talking and writing about. Thank you for being a very important and special woman in my life.
Thank you Katherine. My hope is that this will feel like a safe space to have this conversation, among the women who share their views from both sides. I sense in everyone I know a desire to move forward with more civility and care. It may take a while, but each small step feels meaningful.
So now it is time to step back and give the man a chance to run this beautiful country of ours regardless of who you voted for. Thank goodness we live in a country in which we can vote in our elected officials. As President Obama and Hillary Clinton said we need to have a peaceful transition. We need to be respectful of Trump supporters. We are all not deplorables. And of course we need to also be respectful of Clinton supporters as well. At the end of the day we can agree we are Americans and want to see this country be successful.
Alice, I’m so glad to see your voice here once again and to hear your thoughts. I felt the same on election day, as I walked through my town to vote: grateful for a country in which we can vote for our own leaders and grateful to all who had worked so hard to support the process. And now I am grateful to see every olive branch extended from one side to the other. Small gestures and kind words: this is what it will take to reweave the fabric of our union. Multiplied by millions. Let’s begin right here.
Thank you Katrina for your comforting words. As the person who wrote the letter you included in your last blog piece, I’m sorry for the discord it churned up. Katrina’s thoughtful response here is in keeping with the woman I know and dearly love. She has given us all a format to share our stories and our hearts. She opens hers so that we may open ours. She has given us a platform to share our thoughts. None of us will ever agree on everything—but my hope is that we can always listen to each other with tenderness and empathy. This has been a turbulent and damaging time in our country. Let’s heal those wounds and the division that has come between us. Listening to both Hillary Clinton’s and Obama’s gracious and inclusive speeches yesterday, and reading Katrina’s thoughtful words today reminds me of the power of compassion and how best to heal and move forward. Let us listen to their words and choose love over fear. Let us go forward together with compassion and empathy. Let us use this as an opportunity to come together, united by love of our country, our world, and each other.
I agree: we do have an opportunity at this moment to come together, in whatever ways we can, honoring all that unites us as women and as citizens of this great land. And as other comments here show, one thing we all share is hope for our future. Thank you for being here, my dear friend on the journey.
I so hoped that once the election was over, regardless of it’s result, that I would receive more of the blog posts from the past about family and friendships. I’ve been reading your blog for many years and I have not only purchased your books for myself, I’ve given them to girlfriends for Mother’s Day. There were a few years, when I needed to read “Gift of An Ordinary Day” over and over because your experience as a mother so connected to my own. I am truly grateful for what felt like a friend reaching through the pages of a book, encouraging me to “keep going, you’re doing great, it’s all going to be ok”. I do respect your voice and your opinion regarding the election and the candidate you had chosen, as well as the other readers of your blog. You see, I believe that all of us determine our choices based on our experiences. Yours, theirs and mine are all unique. My vote was partially based on the fact that I am the wife of a 20 year Marine veteran. My son’s God Father is currently in Iraq fighting to free Mosel, for the 2nd time. I don’t expect everyone to understand my experience. It’s personal. But, comments such as ‘It might be that the readers that tried to silence you have no voice themselves.’ That is the type of comment that is assuming and offensive. Calling people who disagree with you names or judging them, on both sides, is offensive. Assuming who people are, and judging them without “knowing” is offensive. Both candidates were extremely flawed. I can admit that Trump was not my first choice. But I would ask that people do not make sweeping judgements about other people based on this one singular choice. Real empathy would mean all of us can identify with the many reasons we all chose the candidate we chose and not judging each other for it. For me, I empathize with you and the other voters that did not get the result you had hoped for. Losing stinks. I’ve been there. My husband and I both spoke to our son about humility and grace the day after the election. My dear friends who voted for HIllary are still my dear friends. I guess the bottom line is that I hope we can have more empathy for each other. But, lets remember that we can empathize with others only if we haven’t judged them already.
Thank you, Julia, for this eloquent and heartfelt letter. You embody the very spirit I aspire to and hope to continue to cultivate, both in myself and in this space. There are too many places where women are silenced or judged for their opinions, when in fact we have much to learn from each other. I am grateful for your voice here, for your opinions, for your courage. I particularly appreciate your observation that “we can empathize with others only if we haven’t judged them already.” That is a welcome reminder to us all. Blessings to you and to your family.
I challenged a local opinion writer who suggested kids should not talk about politics at school. Or home. I feel politics is deeply personal. For some of us, we use it to help determine our belief system. If we cannot discuss it in a personal safe setting like home or school or your own blog, then where? This is your safe space. Thank you for articulating the struggle you feel and your belief in compassion. And, thank you for risk-taking. It empowers all of us to do the same.
I still love your blog IN SPITE of who you voted for 🙂
I am scared right now because I’m worried that vulnerable people will have an even harder time. I’m personally worried about the ACA being repealed because I have a child with mental health issues and if the legal protections under the ACA are removed, he could really suffer if he ever allowed his insurance to lapse. But I know and love people who voted for Donald Trump and I know that they aren’t hateful people. So like you, I believe that finding common ground and being patient and kind is the only way to move forward successfully. When I’ve managed to live up to my own expectations and treat others well is when I’ve felt the best over the last two days. So I will do my best to choose love and empathy in every interaction with others and hope that taking that path will lead to a better destination.
I share that worry, especially for minorities and all populations that are vulnerable. My hope is that together we can hold our new President to a high standard of decency and behavior toward all. Thank you for writing.
Thank you for sharing your gift of words. I love the way you view the “ordinary” and share it with us. I completely respect your opinions and urgency towards empathy. For this reason, I feel led to share that comparing the grief of losing one’s spouse to “losing” the election seems a bit insensitive. Thankfully, neither of the candidates died. While many of us are discouraged, disappointed, and perhaps feeling a bit perplexed, at the end of the day, many of you get to go home to those you love and embrace the opportunities that lie ahead together. (This is in reference to the email that led me here)
Donna, I apologize. You are absolutely right. Indeed, there is no emotional comparison to be made. Liz’s remarks set me thinking of the two halves, and the inevitability of loss, and yet to find oneself on the losing side of an election is nothing compared to the loss of a loved one. If that line were in the post, I would edit it. Instead, I just must say I’m sorry.
I’m not there yet, but reading your post is inspiring and I hope to be ready join you in supporting the president-elect at some point. Right now, I need to grieve and forgive and let go and then trust. This could take me a while, but I’m setting my feet in that direction. Thank you for being so willing to expose your heart to us, time and again. You are a blessing.
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful words. My anger, grief, fear and disbelief were soothed after reading them. Living in a red state is not easy, but perhaps I can take up your call for empathy as my new mantra (in a few more days!), and continue to “go high, when others go low”. There were lots of inspirational moments and words during the campaign and aftermath that have deeply resonated with me, including your words! Thank you for being wonderful you!
Unsubscribing from your beautiful writing is their loss. I am so glad you were able to leave the dishes on the table and offer up such beautiful words to sooth and calm my soul. My heart has been very heavy and judgmental about the American people who would vote for hate and bigotry but your words have opened my heart and allowed me to have a new focus and perspective. Thank you so much and please never stop writing what is in your heart.
Thank you for your sharing. I always appreciate your words. And I can appreciate the passion of your entreaty for empathy but I have to say not now, not yet. As a victim of sexual assault I needed Trump to apologize and to MEAN it. To acknowledge that his actions, words and deeds were so deeply offensive and wrong. To stand up and face America and say, without excuses, that his demeaning of others in any way is not only improper but negligent. And to ask for the forgiveness that leads to true empathy. I can’t see his side or walk in his shoes because his words and actions make no sense. Until he can do that and believe it, he isn’t a man fit to lead this country. He will lead it and we can no longer change that, but grief must run its course and it will. Not now, not yet.
Thank you Gate. From all I know of grief, it has no timetable and there is no “right” or “wrong.” I would encourage everyone to feel their feelings, and the truth is, there is a great deal of sadness and shock in our country right now. Real emotions that deserve to be expressed and honored, real grief that will take time and care to heal. May we each find it within ourselves to make room for all those feelings.
Katrina, Your words always comfort me. This is a difficult time…Empathy is something that can unify us. Thanks for your mindful perspective and framing on this topic. You have the right to your opinion–I’m glad you shared it before doing the dishes : )
Katrina, As your pre election post did, so does this post election post…it offers comfort and clarity and brings a group of women together. A group, though leadened with disbelief and frightened for all our futures is encouraged to reach and stretch and dig deep for empathy. To look past our dis-belief and extend a hand, so to speak. I, for one, am concerned and yes scared for my grandchildren. Not just my two grand daughters ages 11 and 14, but my grandsons ages 17 and 20. Boys who are kind and caring and gentlemen in an age and time when that is a rarity. I will lovingly encourage them to choose a path of kindness and empathy. And in doing so this will make them stronger. I valiantly hope the message they have been reared with will not be drowned out by what I fear could become our country’s message. And so in closing I will try to summon empathy and hope that yes, we have differences in our country, but maybe…just maybe…this can be a beginning to healing those differences…not from our politicians or leaders but those of us who have lives of “ordinary days”.
Simply beautiful. These are words of healing that definitely help me as my heart as been feeling so heavy these last couple days. Thank you Katrina for always having words to soothe my soul.
On any other day, I would join in and support wholeheartedly the goal of empathy. What brings me up short is this question: is there a point when it becomes enabling to empathize with something or someone who is dangerous? And, is there an equal imperative to name the danger and push against it? Could there be an occasion when empathy reaches a tipping point and requires another strategy?
I believe you should continue to be true to yourself in your writing. What’s important to you is the main reason why I, and I expect many others, enjoy your writings. We are all diverse in thought and action and have the great privilege to choose what we wish to expose ourselves to. Don’t question yourself too much that you dilute your beautiful message. I would encourage you to carry on as you are!
Thank you, Katrina. I was so hoping to see words of wisdom from you after the crushing blow of the election outcome.
I had at first decided on a negative path of completely disassociating myself from our country’s political scene for the next four years. But I begin to see that it will not help to stick my head in the sand. I want to try to make a difference on a personal level – by promoting and showing my belief in diversity, tolerance, and acceptance in any small way. I can try to support the new administration with the hope that it will encourage cooperation and nonpartisanship. (If President Obama can offer support and good wishes, is the face of perhaps seeing his work of the past 8 years demolished, then so can I.)
And when I don’t agree with the new administrations actions I hope I have the courage to speak out, to work through organizations and the community I live in, even peaceful protests, to try to express the need for a different course to be taken. I may not be able to change things, but I can have the courage to make my voice heard in a positive and constructive way.
Thank you for having the courage to write about what you believe in. I don’t recall seeing anything in your blog guaranteeing you would only write what people wanted to hear!
Now that I have had time to think about the unthinkable, it’s time to consider what Plan B looks like. I think the poisonous negative advertising was a huge waste of money, and make it harder to understand “the other” side.
It matters what we think and say, and so I hope to remember that I have always tried to live a life of peace and love and tender mercies.( I was a Head Start teacher) It’s up to us to be a party that accepts diversity of all kinds, and now we have the opportunity to show humility, grace and understanding as we work together to solve the problems America has. We can choose not to obstruct the new President, but hold him to the ideals of a great country. We are stronger together. Remember to breathe, be kind too those you see, and carry on. Thanks for your help.
This is a hard time. It is indeed a time of grieving, something I feel like I’ve become very familiar with since my mom died earlier this year. The familiar shock, anger and denial have all swirled thorough my soul in these past two days.
I left for my home in Michiagan on Wednesday morning and flew to Dallas for my grandson’s fifth birthday. Being caught up in the simple routines of a young child are giving me time to breath, calm down, and try to accept the situation we are in now in our beloved country.
Like you, I believe empathy is a key tool for all of us in order to have any chance of retaining the integrity of our nation and its people. I’m trying. It is not easy.
I also believe we now must galvanize ourselves as citizens, remain vigilant in making our feelings known to our elected officials in the legislature so they hold this man responsible. I plan to educate myself, write letters, sign petitions, even participate in peaceful demonstrations. We must hold Mr Trump’s feet to the fire, and not let him forget that he is now a public servant and technically he works for us. This concept is completely foreign to him (and a very big reason why he is unfit for this job).
Last night my grandson overheard his parents and I talking politics, and wanting our full attention he said: “Oh well, tomorrow is another day! Let’s read a book!”
Indeed it is. I will read, write, walk the dogs. I will make dinner and wash dishes. I will do love the people around me and try to always choose the high road.
Thank you again for expressing so beautifully the things that connect us as human beings.
It’s a lovely sentiment, but I don’t buy it. And I can’t do it, not yet anyway. I have a gay son who just texted me after reading about the gay man beaten up by Trump supporters today for being gay. My son feels like this is no longer his country—and he feels that way because those votes, cast by millions of people, are directly responsible for making him physically less safe in his own country. And you want me to have empathy for these people? Sorry, but I’m not quite that highly evolved just yet.
And it’s not just my son and other gay Americans, as you well know: it’s people of color (who weren’t safe even before this election), people who weren’t born here, people whose religious beliefs the president-elect doesn’t like or has decided for his own political reasons to scapegoat, people with disabilities—I could go on, but you know all of this. Why does this sweet-sounding blog post choose to overlook it? Is a peaceful comments feed more important than standing up for basic human rights?
Every vote for the hatemonger who won the election is responsible for helping to endanger the physical safety of millions of people going forward, when that hatemonger will be head of state—and this is on top of those already physically injured over the 18 months of Trump’s appalling campaign of abuse and the violent behavior of his supporters, plus the emotional trauma that campaign re-triggered among thousands upon thousands more who have already survived a history of abuse—physical, emotional or both. I am perfectly willing to believe that there is much in the lives of people who voted this way for which I should have empathy. But I can’t get there from here without leapfrogging over these facts. And if you can, I have a few questions.
I love your writing, I always have—the similarities in pieces of our lives, including our sons’ love of music and theater, and your heart-stoppingly beautiful, lyrical essays have so often made me feel that I had a soul-friend in the room, and have helped lift my spirits on numerous occasions—the day you have a new book out is like a holiday in my world. But I think, in your eagerness to have a united bunch of happy readers back again that you’ve overlooked a few critical details here that really cannot be overlooked without foregoing integrity. Getting along is a lovely notion, but not on the backs of people whose rights are being trampled.
I too will not be silenced. I have a voice and I will use it for what is right and good. And believe me “that man” does not represent me. He will have to rebuild trust through 4 years of intelligent and thoughtful actions. Then and only then will I accept him as my president.
Katrina, whatever anyone may say, you most certainly should write about anything in your blog (your blog, no less!) that touches your heart and compels you to write. This is the blessing of living in this country which constitutionally supports free speech. Shame on anyone that should tell you to restrict your writing in any way, unless it is injurious or insensitive to another (which it has never been). Thank you for speaking out and informing the public dialogue on this very difficult and ugly election. We are all called to be forthright and respectful. Thank you for extending the call to be empathetic as well.
I needed your wise, heartfelt words tonight, Katrina. My “fear” is palpable right now.
But I am a positive person who believes in the kindness and generosity of my fellow humans. I will listen carefully to others in the next days, weeks and months. But more importantly, I will listen to the source within and gain strength and love from my inner guide. I am grateful for your guidance.
With love,
Mary Lynne
Katrina,
I have long been a fan of your writing. I have never read the posts before this however. I am glad you have chosen to share several times your thoughts of this election. You are right….it has became a part of all our our lives and would have been disingenuous of you not to write about it as you so eloquently did. I have been moved reading the posts tonight from so many of your followers. It has been both healing and challenging….and yet we are listening to one another trying to understand, to heal, to empathize. I wonder if any other blog posting has ever created so many women responding on such difficult territory. Thank you for your writing, thank you for the opportunity to hear others, and thank you for offering a way forward.
Thank you for this, Katrina. I know I can only deal with what’s in front of me right now (even if that includes dishes!); the ordinary will not change anytime soon for me, I hope. I will continue to deal with injustice and sexism and racism when I see it, and to act with compassion and kindness. We must indeed be the change we want to see, and empathy is a good place to start.
I too was hoping you would write again after the election Katrina-Thank you! I’m still reeling from the results, but I also have resolve to continue spreading love and peace. The aftermath of this election is real. I teach at a middle school and received a disheartening message from our principal this morning. Students at our school were being harassed due to their country of origin, their ethnicity and the color of their skin the day after the election. Students were also saying these students were going to be deported, “because Donald Trump is president.” This was painful to hear, but it also presented an opportunity for healthy discussion. I agree that we need empathy-Why are people so angry that they need to lash out? We also need boundaries to let our fellow human beings know that mistreatment must stop. I really hope that our future leadership will listen to all citizens and promote the healing that is so badly needed. Both Obama and Hillary demonstrated such grace in their speeches this week. Hopefully we can take their cue. Peace.
As you often do, you’ve echoed my own thoughts, Katrina. I’ve been practicing the discipline of extreme kindness the last few weeks- mostly in response to how much hate and nastiness I’ve felt in the world around me. I wrote on my own blog this week about what I believe- because I’ve tried to keep politics out of my writing as well. This time I felt compelled write in an effort to understand the choices we made. We live and make choices based on our world lens. I have expanded my lens through being a working woman, by life events that changed me and working with those who don’t have it so easy. Empathy and kindness take effort, but I’m willing to do the work, because I feel better and more at peace. Blessings and peace to you for always sharing with empathy, honesty and grace.
Thank you for all of your kind words. This is a difficult time for many of us. We, as mothers, are our children’s #1 cheerleader. We worry about them when they are small and fall down & skin their knees. We kiss their boo-boos to make them all better. When they are adults, and on their own, in their own apartments or in different cities, we still worry about them. Whether they are gay, straight, male or female, we feel protective.
When hatred and bigotry comes from the top, in our leaders, it sends a message to his supporters that it’s okay for them to treat others the same way. How can we protect our children, our family, our friends from hate? This is the way it started in nazi Germany. That is why people are so upset. The President-elect needs to issue an apology to everyone. We need to be wary. Hatred multiplies.
As with many of the writers and you Katrina, I too am upset, shocked and still terrified about the future of the American people. We need the support of people like you to help us deal with our feelings and concerns. Listening to President Obama and Hillary speak has brought me some comfort and I hope that you will never hesitate to open your heart and spread your warmth to all those who are fortunate to read your kind and encouraging thoughts.
Your thoughts calmed my fears. I was in mourning yesterday, feeling so much sadness and fear. Fear for women’s rights, fear for Hispanic families, fear for gay rights and all of the progress our country has made. I cannot imagine how our world will be going forward but I choose HOPE. There is still so much good in the world. Let’s see if good and kindness will win out.
Beautifully said, Katrina. The road lit by the harsh neon lights of fear leads to a very dark place that would swallow us up or transform us into something else we do not want to be; the path lit by the gentle candles of love takes us home.
Thank you for writing this blog. The day after the election was difficult; I’ve never cried after learning the results of a presidential election before. I spent the morning engaged in respectful conversation with not only the Trump supporters in my office, but also with co-workers and the women who report to me, who are understandably scared for their own personal reasons. It was evident that I needed to listen to everyone, allowing room for them to freely speak about their concerns, while choosing not to challenge those who were thrilled with the results. My empathy is great for everyone, but I simply feel confused. For me, my shock and sadness is not about the candidate I voted for losing. It has everything to do with truly trying to understand how in 2016, a culture where people feel emboldened to act on racism and children are wondering if their parents are going to be deported, was created by someone running for President. For the people in my life who have to now deal with the consequences of this victory, it’s heart wrenching. My empathy right now is for every minority impacted, and I do hope he’ll be able to unite our country.
Beautifully written. I do not fear Trump but rather the people who are protesting, acting in violence, fighting our law enforcers who put their lives on the line every day to protect US. I am not happy about the choices we had for a President. The political corruption, lies and deceit is horrid, the unknown of a non-political person whose intention is to make America great again is hopeful if he is given a chance to be able to to right for everyone. In the end, we need to learn to love and respect everyone. So, my fear is not the future president (where there are controls if needed) but the millions of violent protesters who are destructing our country and the teachers, parents and friends who are instilling fear into our children because there are people out there who are not “liberal.” Where is the fear of them. Where are everyone’s rights – “good” or bad. It’s not the end of the world. It is a change, again, that may actually be better – that we will find out. We need acceptance and non-violent paths to find a better way to unite our country. I am a proud independent because there is good and evil on both sides, so I chose the lessor of the two evils this election. Now, I continue to pray to God, as he is our hope for our country and world.
The sentiment expressed in this beautiful piece is what we all must strive to emulate in the days and months ahead. While Hillary’s campaign has ended, her message that we are stronger together must endure. We are all dealing with the results of this election in our own way, depending on our circumstances, but I think, despite the inevitable grieving, we can be happy that the election is over, a choice has been made, and now we come together and work together and do what we can to take our ideals to action. Be compassionate, be vigilant, and listen to each other. If this election has taught us anything, it is that we must listen. Thank you to my mom for beginning to lead us in this direction
Katrina,
A message that is worth its writing, its reading, and its heeding by all. Thank you!
Dear readers,
I lay awake much of last night, wondering if I’d done the wrong thing by trying to initiate this conversation between those who supported Donald Trump and those who are devastated by his victory. I don’t know, honestly. But I think so.
Surely this is a positive step we can take together: to create and protect a safe space in which different views are received with respect, and in which each person’s experience is honored as we try to listen, understand, and bear witness to what is happening in our country at this moment.
I thought I could respond to all the comments but now I realize that’s not possible today. So, instead, I offer this general response and trust that each of you knows I’ve read your words with care.
To the commenter who suggests I am trying to “keep” my readers here by softening my tone and encouraging empathy where it’s not warranted: No. This blog is a weird sort of labor of love. (It actually costs me a couple of thousand dollars a year to do it — the monthly MailChimp fee, the maintenance, the host, the domain.) I don’t take ads, so it doesn’t make any financial sense. Yet writing my own truth in this space means a lot to me. Hearing back from you means just as much. Each one of you is here because you choose to be. I’m grateful to everyone who takes time to read and comment in this space, week after week and year after year. And if my work no longer serves you, then you step away with my blessing.
Last summer, I lost 60 subscribers when I wrote a blog post against Trump and in support of Hillary. At the time, I was suprprised. At the time I thought: Well, if these women who have read my books for years are “dismayed and disgusted” by my political beliefs, then perhaps my writing about kindness, faith, and integrity has not made any difference in the world.
And yet, I soon found myself engaged in correspondences and conversations with some of those women. In each case we made mutual efforts to bridge the gap between us. We struggled to find some common ground, and we did — in our love of our families, our communities, our country. They told me of their fears for America. And I told them of mine.
I spent Wednesday overcome with grief and disbelief. I read David Remnick’s essay, An American Tragedy, in the New Yorker and I wept. I agree with him. I think I’ve read every article in the New Yorker over these last months, along with every article in the New York Times about why Donald Trump is a danger to our democracy, which is perhaps why I still believed, right up until the very end that this couldn’t really happen, not here.
And yet, here we are. We must start listening to each other. We must search our hearts for ways to reach out to those who are vulnerable and scared. We must be vigilant about our language and our deeds. We must protect the children who are being bullied on the playground for being adopted, the immigrants who fear deportation, the LBGT community who are seeing fellow human beings beaten up simply for being who they are, and the people of color who suddenly feel unsafe in their own communities because of the color of their skin. We who consider ourselves to be good and loving and kind are called now to recommit in any way we can to stand up against violence, hatred, misogyny, racism, sexism, and bullying of all forms, in all walks of life.
I woke up on Wednesday morning feeling homeless in my own country, as Tom Friedman so aptly put it. Me and, of course, millions of others. I couldn’t leave the house that day. It felt like a death. And yet, watching President Obama and Hillary speak was like hearing a call to rise up. They requested our respect for the democratic process. They were gracious. Donald Trump is going to be our President, they said — and now it is up to each of us to come together, and to hold him to his promise to reunite the country.
Is he capable of that? Will he try? I don’t know. All I can do is hope. For me, the only way forward is to follow Obama’s lead. It is to hold on to hope and, at the same time, to work in whatever small way I can to strengthen community where I am — in my relationships, in my town, and also in my small world online.
Yesterday morning, the victorious comment from the Trump supporter made me sit down in my kitchen and think long and hard about how to respond. It would have been easy to just not approve it, and then go about my day. I couldn’t do it. I saw a small opportunity to perhaps begin, here, in my own way, to mend the shredded fabric of this world. So, I allowed it to appear and I wrote a response.
But then I realized I had more to say. . .And so this blog post. I see now that my call for empathy does not resonate at this moment with everyone, and I do understand that. Everyone has a right to their feelings, all of them. And yet, I believe we can also, at the very least, appreciate the respect and civility demonstrated by every single person, from both sides, who has left a comment on this blog. That’s a start, right? One small step in the direction we all need to go.
I do not expect Donald Trump to apologize for his past behavior; I fear that he is a man incapable of such humility and self-reflection. But I am willing to at least give him a chance to change, to step up, to realize the great responsibility that’s been entrusted to him, to move beyond inflammatory rhetoric, and to begin to heal the rifts that are tearing our nation apart.
I hope he becomes a better human. We must all hope for that. I think that’s what Obama meant when he said “his success will be our success,” and we must hold him to his pledge to work to unite the country. In a few short months this man will be our President. In the meantime, I will not just wring my hands or allow my anger and despair to override my belief in the power of goodness.
So, in writing this post, I made a choice to extend my hand, to model in my own life what I hope to see in my neighbors, and in my readers, and in my family, and in our leaders. This is not to tell anyone else what to do or how to feel. I am a white woman with a roof over my head, health care, and money in the bank. I can’t presume to speak for those whose lives feel far more precarious right now than mine. But I can try to put myself in their shoes. And I can hold even more fiercely to my belief in kindness. I will try even harder to offer that kindness not only to those of us who are scared and grieving, but also to those who voted for Trump out of their own fears for our future.
For me, the only way forward is to meet fear with something even more powerful.
Thank you again Katrina. I don’t know when I have ever had such a strong negative and fearful reaction to an election and I live in Canada. I pride myself on honoring people’s choices and really believe we all do what we think is best. That belief has been rattled that a man with the history of Trump was elected as President of the US. It has rattled me in a scary way. Your blog posts and comments from others here have been very comforting.
Hello Katrina,
Thank you for your beautiful spirit and eloquent heartfelt writings! To quote my OTHER favorite author, Peter Reynolds “There is more good than bad in this world, More light than darkness and YOU can make more light.” I read these words every morning before starting my day! I want to thank you my dear for making more light!
Stick to writing about parenting and family life??? What if your child is gay and you take a stand against homophobia? How will you teach your girl children self-esteem and to love and respect their bodies? What is your child has special needs and you are pierced by Trump mocking people with disabilities? What about our reproductive rights which are integral to how we create and sustain our families? What if we love someone who was born in another country? It turns out that life cannot be compartmentalized; politics seeps into most areas of life. So to you, readers who are offended by Katrina’s (and my) point of view, please have a conversation with us and tell us how you feel about the questions I pose.
Thanks for your words. I think I’m going to have to head to the Methodist church on Sunday. Think I’m going to need lots of reinforcement to be kind.
I needed these words to quell my anger. the week has felt like a national tragedy. empathy and love. so simple and yet, so hard at times like these. Thank you, Katrina.
Katrina, I’ve been ‘reading you’ for as long as you’ve been writing, beginning with your books when my children were small. I am heartened by your thoughts about our response post-election, and strengthened by your courage in speaking up. I am further encouraged by your son’s comments…my daughter texted me after the results thanking her father and me for rearing her to believe in compassion, inclusion, generosity and kindness, words which meant the world to us…as I’m sure your son’s words (above) do to you. So there we have it…our job as parents continues, to model hope, not despair, to lead by example, as are the Obamas and the Clintons, and to continue to teach that love trumps hate. “Don’t stop believing…” Some days are harder than others, but reading your essays, and the thoughtful comments of many others on this page, helps me feel connected and supported as we go forward. Thank you.
Thank you! Thanks you! More than ever we need honest sharing of our minds. This is the mega-power that makes humans a very unique animal. What we experience in this election is not politics, but rather, a new understadning of what it means to be human in a time when the human conditions change much faster than what we, human-animals, can understand and adapt to. This is not politics. This is life. I believe part of the problem is, that we, the human-animal, overestimate the power of rational thinking, while dangerously underestimating the power of basic animal instincts, like fear, love and compassion. Thank you for doing a very important and brave job. You have inspired me to remember that we all need to be activists now.
I do shy away from political conversations because they elicit such passion. The passion can be very negative. My husband and I voted for two different candidates and rarely discussed this election. Now that the decision is made, we must trust and move forward. I did not vote for Donald Trump, however, I want to note that you failed to mention how his acceptance speech was also gracious and encouraged unity. It is time now to look at all sides. You are continuing to focus on Hillary and President Obama. All three of them made speeches that encourage unity and healing. Donald Trump has promised us that he won’t let us down. He is beginning to show us that he is going to surround himself with reasonable and knowledgeable advisors. He believes in this country and wants the best for it just as Hillary does. My candidate did not win but I now will respect the election decision and move forward positively.
I respect the fact that you felt it was necessary to share your political views but I agree with those that feel this was not the correct forum. I feel the same when musicians and celebrities do the same. I did not join your blog or read your book for political reasons. I have all of your books and love them because your writing fills my soul with peace, contentment and appreciation for the daily small events in life as well as providing healing words for the big and devastating events in life with family and friends. I will not stop reading your blog or books but I would advise discussing politics in a different forum.
Thank you Catherine. Point taken re Donald Trump’s acceptance speech. I fixed it. Thank you for commenting, and for pressing me to go a bit further.
“Empathy isn’t about changing minds. Empathy is about opening hearts. It’s about choosing love over fear, moment to moment, word by word, deed by deed.” Thank you for taking a stand, asking the bigger questions, and inviting us to heal. Your words never cease to be a comfort and a balm.
Oh! Thank you Katrina. I was heard and you saw the value in making the revision. Very much appreciated.
As always, you found just the words we needed to read. I welcomed your initial “political” post and thought it was totally appropriate and thought-provoking. Your after-the-election thoughts also touched me, while I, too, was grieving. Don’t ever stop sharing all your thoughts and reminding us to look at things differently. Hopefully the voice of reason will win out over the hatred some groups are showing to others who aren’t like them. Thank you for continuing to make us think more deeply and lovingly.
Thank you once again for your beautiful, healing words, Katrina.
Keep writing… about parenting, families, relationships and even our country. I need to hear your words. You are my Anne Morrow Lindbergh helping me through the ebb and flow of all of the waves of this life.
Just want to clarify my statement. I don’t discuss politics. Was trying to support Katrina’s right to blog about ANYTHING on her mind. No judgement was implied in my post. Trying to silence anyone is wrong. I was wondering just wondering when I said “maybe ……… “.
Dear Ms. Kenison – I believe that both of your election-related posts were respectfully and thoughtfully presented. Consequently, I do not believe you should have felt compelled to self-censor for fear of giving offense. Open and civil discussion is imperative if we are ever to become one people again. Saving those conversations for fora where we are certain to be speaking only with those who agree with us furthers the deep divisions that exist in our nation.
I totally support Catherine Borucki’s post.
I did not vote for Donald Trump, but you have to trust that he will step up to the challenge. It is what it is, we have to move forward and give him a chance. Rioting and destroying your local communities, even burning the American flag is not the answer.
Thank you, Katrina. I agree with you about the need for empathy as the only solution to reuniting this country. I recall the anger and the refusal to accept Obama from some sectors after his election, and I was so disgusted, I made a mental note that I would not react the same way if the tables were ever turned. While I didn’t expect it to be quite this difficult, I still feel it is necessary to observe carefully what is unfolding but also keep an open dialogue with Trump supporters. I know their needs are more complex than is often reported; much of my extended family is in their ranks. Living in New Hampshire, I suspect you might agree.
I can keep my absolutes (civil rights for all and freedom of the press among them) and still try to understand the viewpoints of the opposition. I don’t see any other way to preserve these values, other than to press upon others their importance. And I can’t do that if both of us are covering our ears.