Let us cultivate a culture of kindness. In that moment, we are determining the outcome of the world.
~ Sakyong Mipham
I know I’m not the only one finding it impossible this summer to make sense of world events. I suspect you, too, are mourning the senseless deaths of innocent people at home and abroad, looking in vain after each new round of violence for answers to the seemingly unanswerable question “why?”, and trying to cultivate an informed, thoughtful attitude toward our presidential candidates.
Perhaps, like me, you assign yourself articles to read written by journalists from the left and the right, writers and reporters who do their homework, who think deeply about where we stand as a country and who choose their words with care. Perhaps you, too, are struggling to keep your heart open to all people, to opinions that conflict with your own, to the concerns and worries of friends and family members who see things differently. Sometimes very, very differently.
It’s not easy being a good citizen these days. In the past couple of weeks two of my friends have confessed to blocking or defriending those whose political postings on social media cause them angst. Others have expressed a desire for Facebook to remain a place where we can enjoy browsing photos of our friends’ children and pets and vacations, without being confronted with their opinions, especially when they conflict with our own.
I have recently deleted political comments from my own Facebook page, remarks that were disrespectful, rude, or insulting — not to me, but to others. To do so causes me pain, for I value a free flow of ideas and information as much as anyone. But then, name-calling and personal insults don’t fall into that category. I believe there’s a difference between conversation, which demands empathy and a willingness to listen with an open mind; and invective, which is about hearts and minds that have been willfully shut down.
I don’t have to tell you: there are many loud, belligerent voices out there, all straining to be heard. Turn on the TV or radio, scan your news feed, scroll through Twitter, and you will find them. Voices full of accusation and suspicion, hatred and superiority, disdain and incivility. Voices eager to label and vilify. Voices that separate us from one another, that seem bent on dividing souls rather than uniting them. Voices quick to judge, voices meant to instill fear, voices that incite distrust or even violence. There are voices that condone cruelty, voices raised in self-righteous fury, voices that disregard quiet, unassailable truth in favor of suspicion and innuendo and outright lies. There are voices that speak the language of the F-bomb, the bully, the oppressor. And, alas, there seem to be very few voices asking simple questions of the heart, such as, “Tell me why you feel this way?” It’s a bleak and painful chorus, the kind of dysfunctional acting out we would never tolerate in our own homes or in our own families.
And yet somehow we’ve allowed this disgraceful shouting match to become our national dialogue.Actually, to call it a dialogue is a misnomer. We’ve pitted ourselves against each other in a nasty zero-sum game. Instead of coming together to mend what we have – a blessed, beloved country awash in grief and violence and confusion – we are allowing the rifts that separate us to deepen. Unfortunately, the media on both sides of that rift seem more concerned with making money and boosting ratings than with elevating the level of our discourse. And so the newscasters and pundits are all too willing to play along, feeding the delusion that this election is just one huge, competitive sporting event. Turn on CNN or Fox News or MSNBC. The slant will be different, but too often the underlying goal is the same: to capture and hold viewers by turning all of us into bad guys and good guys, interpreting each day’s unfolding events in terms of the precarious balance between winners and losers.
As someone who will go way out of my way to avoid conflict of any kind, it’s easier for me to be quiet than to speak the truth of my heavy heart, especially here, in print. But I think we are all losing. The more polarized we become, the less obliged we feel to pay attention. The more willing we are to think in terms of “us” and “them,” winners and losers, the less able we are to bear witness to the experiences of others. The more we shut down, the less effective we become at making good decisions — for ourselves and for our country.
A few days ago, I saw a post on Facebook written by a woman who shared my despair. “I never thought I would be bringing up children in such a world,” she said. “I am tired of all the anger and shouting.” And then she continued: “I wonder what ever happened to OUR America? I’m still voting for Donald Trump, but I’m shutting down my Facebook page for now, because I don’t want to hear any more political discussions until after the election is over. May God bless us all.”
I’ve been pondering those lines ever since. The words “OUR America,” especially. I wonder what, exactly, she meant. The America of white people? Of straight people? Of Christian people? Of Republicans? Of people who believe that torture should be legal but abortion should not? The America of twenty years ago or thirty or forty?
I wanted to say to her, “But this IS our America, in all its beauty and heartache and diversity and confusion. And as long as we are building walls and labeling people and judging others for who they love or how they worship or what bathroom they use, then we are failing ourselves and our country.” And I wanted to ask her, “When you say God bless us all, do you really mean all? Because if you do mean all, then how can you and I work together for the good of all? How did you make your choice for president? Is he a man who believes we are all equally deserving of God’s blessing? What do you admire in him? Why should he be the one to lead us forward in these chaotic, painfully divided times?”
Of course, I couldn’t have that conversation with her, not even online. She had made up her mind. And she was gone.
It seems to be a trend. Many people on both sides are claiming they’ve had enough, heard enough, thought enough. It is almost a badge of honor these days, to throw up your hands and say you’re done listening, you’re done thinking, your mind is made up, end of discussion.
I confess, I feel just the opposite.
There is no question about who I’m voting for. And yet I must also say that the more raised, badgering voices I hear, the more I fear engaging in the kinds of open, lively conversations I’ve always enjoyed with people who see things differently. At the same time, the more voices I listen to, the more I begin to understand the depth and complexity of the problems we face. The more I read, the more grateful I am to those writers who are far wiser and better educated than me, writers who are willing to explain the intricacies of the issues we face and the far-reaching consequences of our choices. The more stories I hear of struggle and hope and despair, the more humble I feel. And the more humble I feel the more I also sense the weight of responsibility upon my shoulders. Especially the responsibility to keep talking and listening, both to voices that sing in unison with me and to those voices I must struggle to understand. Because this IS our America, and our futures are at stake.
I am an American citizen, and I am a mother, and I possess a conscience. So how could I possibly turn my back on the news and tune out the debate until November? On the other hand, I also ask myself, what difference can I, or any one person, possibly make? I don’t know the answer. All I know is that on this hot summer day, I find myself sitting in this kitchen where I have written thousands of words over the last few years about what it means and how it feels to raise children, to be a wife and a mother and a friend, and to base all of those relationships on tolerance and kindness and a willingness to listen, to compromise, to apologize, to forgive. I have written about questions of faith and calling, about the grief of losing loved ones and the joys and challenges of family life. I’ve wrestled with the slow march of age and I’ve celebrated the fleeting, precious beauty of ordinary moments. I’ve written painful essays about broken friendships, a son’s addiction and recovery, raw moments in my marriage, and deep-seated insecurities of my own. And yet only now, for the first time ever, do I need to summon courage to say what’s on my mind. Mine is not a political voice but a private one.
Still.
The possibility of a Trump presidency scares me. He belittles and scorns the very things that matter most to me – womens rights, LGBT rights, immigration rights, racial equality, affordable health care, equitable taxes, services for the poor, gun control, education, and the environment. I value kindness. Trump is the antithesis of kind; not only crude but cruel, baiting and insulting those he perceives to be weaker or less deserving of adulation than he is. I put enormous stock in education, in our shared responsibility to read and think deeply about the issues that confront us. Trump wings it, impulsively and without regard or respect for facts. I have listened to Mr. Trump’s speeches, I tuned in to every one of the Republican debates, and I’ve watched countless TV interviews with him, searching for the goodness and wisdom in this man. I do not see it.
No one is perfect, least of all our politicians. There have been times when Barack Obama has disappointed me, but many, many more when he’s inspired me. I can’t excuse or condone Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server, nor have I always agreed with her policies. She has made compromises when I wished she’d stood firm and she’s lied when the truth would have better served us all. (Doesn’t the truth always better serve us all?) She is flawed and human and she’s made mistakes all along the way. But I have never doubted her tireless commitment to women and children’s rights, her intelligence, her willingness to work hard, her hard-won experience, her composure under fire, or her life-long dedication to her country. OUR country. So yes, given this choice between two flawed candidates, I support her. But I don’t think that means I can now return to photos of puppies and barbecues while the rest of the country sorts itself out.
How will we get through these next difficult, momentous months if we harden our hearts and close our minds? How can we proclaim reverence for life if we decide that some lives matter more than other lives? I, too, worry about children coming of age in a time where a presidential candidate promotes a culture in which bullying is perceived as strength, name-calling is par for the course, and bigotry and racism masquerade as populism.
Yet there is one thing I think we can all agree on – that the outcome of the very public debate playing out in our country right now will have enormous consequences in all our lives. To engage thoughtfully and respectfully in this process is not only a right but, dare I say it, a duty. At issue is who we are and what we stand for, as individuals and as a nation.
My hope, for all of us, is that we will not shy away from the hard conversations. May we continue to have them with our loved ones and our friends, on our Facebook pages and in public spaces and, especially, with people who see the world through different eyes. May we choose in each of these encounters and communications to heal rather than humiliate, to honor rather than to hurt. May we listen well and respect each other. May we resist the urge to dehumanize others. May we practice the art of empathy, which is to say, may we put ourselves in the shoes of another and willingly walk their mile. May we be living examples of kindness. May we act in accordance with our deepest human values: love, compassion, integrity, fairness, and hope for a better future. May we read more deeply and think more expansively. May we continue to educate and stretch ourselves. May we not retreat from complexity, but embrace it. May we be practical rather than partisan, thoughtful rather than reactive, generous of heart toward all rather than protective of a few. May we seek and find common ground here, in our America.
readings
I didn’t intend to write this essay today; I was actually going to wash woodwork and weed the garden. But I found myself sitting and thinking, and pretty soon I found myself writing, unsure until I said it just what it was I needed to say. If you’re here, reading, thank you. I’d like to share some of what inspired me today. These three pieces are the ones that finally moved me to put some of my own feelings down. I recommend them highly.
Adam Gopnick is the smartest writer I know. The New Yorker is daily sustenance for me, and this short, sharp piece is a wake-up call, even for those of us who thought we already were awake.
I have good friends who are teachers, and bullying is a central concern for every one of them. There has been so much good progress made as teachers devote themselves to changing the culture of the classroom into a place where bullying in any form is not tolerated. This well-researched article in Tikkun may disturb you, but it will also bring home just how swiftly norms can change and how corrosive Trump’s influence has been.
No matter how you feel about Hillary Clinton as a person or as a presidential candidate, your understanding of her will be deepened by this illuminating profile that shines a light on the woman as she’s known by those who have worked most closely with her. I needed to read this.
I *heart* the words that you have written here, Katrina. I am terrified at the direction this world is heading. I am 47 and I don’t remember ever being so scared of an election, in my whole life. Thank you for doing your part and sharing your heart. As always.
Thank you so much for this well thought out essay. I know that as a nation, we are people with different beliefs, but it has been very hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that some friends and colleagues of mine want to elect Donald Trump (I work in a primary school). LIke you, I have watched his speeches, read his words, and the Republican debates and as I shared on Facebook, I cannot understand why “good” people I know want to elect a man who behaves in ways we teach our children not to. I am very frightened about what the outcome for our country will be if Donald Trump is elected. I hold hope that the majority of Americans realize and will not vote to elect a person of his character.
The obvious thought is of course how tragic a Trump presidency would be for our country, but the larger story here and what I wish you would have written, is just how and why did he come to power.
Thank you for sharing your voice and doing it in a thoughtful, passionate and inspiring way. I hope THIS chorus goes stronger and more and more people listen.
Very thoughtfully written. Thank you. Would you mind sharing other writers or publications that you find balanced.
Please remove me from your mailing list. I find the choice difficult especially when you consider the laws of our country were openly disregarded by a candidate that believes she and her husband are above the law. Our government is based on the premise that we are all equal in the law. Sorry to realize that you have become a Trump bashing site. We won’t unite as a country unless we acknowledge that there are good and caring citizens who support each candidate even though they both have significant unfavorables. I respect my fellow citizens even if they support the other candidate. We have the right to disagree on who we vote for.
Susan, Yes of course I will remove you from the list. But in fact my intention here was not to bash anyone, on the contrary. It was to call for an end to “bashing,” to lower our collective voices, and to clear a space in which we can indeed hear one another’s opinions, even when they differ, and express our reasons for supporting the candidate of our choice. I hope I did acknowledge that there are good and caring citizens who support each candidate. And I made a plea to continue such conversations, not to end them. That said, I respect your decision.
You have said what is in my mind and heart, and so brilliantly. It is hard to remember the hope and joy of the election of 8 years ago, or even the knowledge of 4 years ago, that a good, fine intelligent person would win the election, no matter the outcome. This year I am terrified after Brexit, the latest attacks in France, and the coup in Turkey, that Trump will use this to make inroads to fear. It is time I put my money where my mouth is…and get that Clinton contribution in the mail. You have incredible courage to be so upfront about this election. Well done and thanks for your bravery and reading resources. I am forwarding this to everyone I know.
So you began by saying you have recently deleted political comments from your Facebook page but go on here to do the opposite. You have written a thoughtful essay that expresses your true thoughts and that is a good thing for open dialogue but I feel honesty is a better thing. It seems it is easy for you to forgive and excuse one candidate for her flaws but not the other for his. The world is not better off with the leadership our country has now and since both candidates have serious flaws maybe a change is in order.
The comments I deleted from my Facebook page were personal insults, directed not at me but at others. Since I would not speak to any person that way myself, I felt uncomfortable having such rude remarks on my page. I agree with you that honesty matters. To my mind, neither candidate is ideal, but they the country’s choices and one of them will be our President. And so it comes down to a question, for each of us, of which one most fully embodies the values we hold most dear.
I’ve loved your all of your posts, Katrina but this one is perfect for this moment and I so appreciate your call for deeper engagement in all ways. You are right, it isn’t enough to know you you are supporting — it is important to keep my ears and heart open and to listen deeply to those with whom I disagree. And you are right. I don’t have to look further than my own family and acquaintances to start.
I, too, support Hillary Clinton for all the reasons you list but also because I believe she has shown the capacity for growth that has served her well and will continue to do so. I believe that, as president, she will show a side of herself that is often obscured on the campaign trail. I am looking forward to reading the articles you’ve suggested and I will read additional writing by those journalists and writers who can help to bring me inside the minds and hearts of those who would like to vote for Trump or, worse, won’t vote at all — another manifestation of the polarization you describe.
YES!! Thank you SO much for writing this and sharing. As always your writing is beautiful and lovely to read. Thanks for sharing the articles as well–as a mom with two school age boys and a young daughter, the idea of a Trump presidency scares me so much…the idea that a person could be President who displays such hatred for anyone different from him is scary beyond belief.
I think it is so important to be able to have a conversation. I truly want to understand what people see in Donald Trump because I don’t understand it. You weren’t bashing him. You’re just trying to understand. So what I get from what you wrote is so different from what the woman who wants to be removed from your list gets. There are people who think Barack Obama has intentionally worked to make race relations worse in our country. I think that couldn’t be further from the truth. When we see things so differently how do we have the conversation.
Bravo!
My fear is not this election but the elevation of ISIS from JV to Varsity. This second attack if a soft target has raised the count from 49 in Orlando to 84 in Nice….it is becoming a real game. What will the number count be with the next target.
Unless Clinton can begin to distant herself from Obama who has done nothing in my view to stem this tide of violence I will vote for Trump. The reign of terror of ISIS if not distinguished will have significant impact on the global economy.
These are not kind people…even to their own.
Deeply appreciative of your call to confront and continue having hard conversations. The “us” and “them” binary feels so insurmountable to me, so bewildering, angering, saddening; your words remind me not to shut down. Thank you for being among the writers, women, mothers, and friends whose words act as a kind of compass for me.
Bravo for your courage and speaking your mind which so few in our country feel free to do any more for fear of offending someone, anyone. I have always admired the honesty in your writing-a true voice and a guiding beacon…
From Canada. Put away the fear, the guns, the intolerance. We are all the same. We have concerns for our families, our safe and secure lives. Don’t let hate cloud this. Don’t elect someone who calls on his family to advise him for president. Don’t let someone who loves women yet won’t let them decide what’s right for their own bodies be the one to punish women for electing to have an abortion, one of the most devastating things a woman can go through. What has the world come to?
Katrina – Sharing our thoughts about any hot-button issues at this time in our history is risky, at best, so let me start by saying “Well done”. I know this post was difficult, and yet, it is more difficult to feel bound and mute when it comes to our fears and confusion about where we are as a country. I am completely out of place when it comes to my political and social values at my work place, and to a large degree in my community, which is a very conservative, Christian community. I find it easier to keep my peace rather than speak up when things are going in a direction that I feel is alarming. We live in a “free” country, yet I do not always feel free to speak my truth, even when I am doing so peacefully, because those who believe differently do not seem willing to have an intelligent conversation, they just want to shout me down until I go away. How will we ever get back on the right track when we can’t even talk to each other? I am so tired of pretending not to see the elephant in the room, but I will continue to practice being peace in every interaction and hope that I will find a way to voice my concerns that will actually make a difference – for the good of us all.
Thank you again for your courage. You are certainly entitled to speak up, as we all should.
I hope the woman who asked to be removed from your site at least read the first article you recommended. A thoughtful, concerned socio-historical reflection.
I get very sad when as citizens, our threatened political selves get unleashed ( black and white thinking, blame, judgement). At those times we only harden ourselves, and mistake taking sides with a home state sports team to being more open to the complexity and nuances of standing for representatives who may have their flaws but who have a track record of significant social achievement when clear- headed research on this is produced.
Thank you, as always, Katrina. Somehow you always manage to put into words what I am feeling. In the past it has been about raising our children, growing older, family matters. This time it is politics…something that I shy away from on Facebook also. But you said exactly what is in my heart. And for the first time, I have shared that message on Facebook. We shall see if that loses me some friends too!
You have SO conveyed my thoughts about this election and the candidates. Thank you so much for your eloquence and insight.
That whole blog really resonated …and I was struck by the words “our” America. We all think we are in the “our” – yet we don’t want to include anyone different to “our”selves. Cultural humility and recognition of “our” privilege (yes, privilege!) Is missing – the cracks are showing up in “our” authenticity. May each of us have the courage to look beyond “our”selves…
Thank you for putting into words my thoughts and feelings exactly.
This piece has been written with so much thought and fairness…thank you Katrina. Your words and those of the people responding have made me feel less alone and frightened. I have voted in many elections and cannot remember a time such as this. If ever there was a time for someone to share their views with grace and reason it is now. Thank you again for doing so.
This is truly the first election that I have been scared to talk about my views for fear of some sort of backlash, because of the extreme polarization I sense around me…it kind of reminds me of the intensity I remember, though only a child at the time, around the candidacy of Goldwater and the break down of friendships in my parents’ circle of friends because of opposite opinions. Thanks for your frankness and courage and open hearted ness. After all the fear and violence of the sixties, we, as a country, pulled up our socks and carried on. I am holding on to the faith that we can do it again.
Amen!
Such a thought provoking piece; I’m glad you found the courage to share your thoughts here. xoxo
Wow, as I live in Canada and am watching this election unfold
I find it so hard to believe that in all of the United States, it is between
two very dishonest, unlikeable candidates that will be running the most
powerful county in the world. Too bad it comes down to money,
there are so many good honest kind intelligent people that just don’t have the
money to run for President. Politics is always about money. and money is Power.
Whoever can buy the most votes will win. I am not looking forward to the outcome
no matter who wins.
You say that all voices matter – but then begin to question the motives of another person’s comments – when you don’t know what is in her heart or what her deepest convictions might be. Is she the parent of a serviceman who protects our country and you? Is she the mother of a police officer and worries if he might be assassinated? Is she a person who is concerned about the barbarism that has become commonplace (beheadings, burnings, bombings of innocents) and our current administration – which includes the former secretary of state who is a candidate for the presidency — has failed to deal with and it appears that our world is on the verge of world war III. . . He is not and has not been a leader. While I don’t know yet WHO I will vote for, I do listen to ALL sides. You have expressly taken your side, while also saying that you are open to all points of view – but you really aren’t. We live in a world where all police officers are demonized because of the actions of a few very bad, tragic examples. (Yes there is room for improvement, but they don’t have to be assassinated for it – let the justice system play out.) We live in a world that seems to accept that terrorist actions are something that we should get used to (yes — and go out and play golf like our president, or on to the next fundraiser after Benghazi when our ambassador was brutally murdered). . . You are an excellent writer about home life, the journey of parenting, and such – but I would steer clear of the political commentary. Each American will vote their own conscience – and base their decision upon the proven track record of those running for office, and the integrity of each candidate, and also – consider the America that they want for their children. One of terrorist attacks around every corner? Who will protect us best? And it is a shame that we have these TWO candidates to choose from . . .
You are a woman of intelligence, depth, honesty, and gentleness, and I so appreciate your thoughtful words here. I commend you for summoning the courage to speak from your heart. xxoo
Hilary lied to the parents of the dead Americans killed in Benghazi. What if those brave men were your sons?? And then she lied about what she told them implying the parents were lying. Unforgivable! She has repeatedly lied to the American people regarding her mishandling of emails including top secret info. She is in it for her own power and is fooling anyone even considering her worthy of the presidency.
I am with Beth…well done! And like Beth I live and work where it is best not to speak about political issues. When I was young, my father and I had great political debates. I was a college student in the 60’s and my dad a conservative republican from that great generation that fought a war and came home and built a country. We shared many core values and differed widely on other beliefs. We had many wonderful debates. We listened. I understood where my dad was coming from and he tried to understand me. We respected each other and we loved each other. We never felt angry with each other; granted we were father and daughter. But where is the respect? Where is effort to try to understand one another now? No one is listening to the other. With this blog one person has already asked to be taken off the mailing list! Really? Because they could not bear to hear what some one else believes? I may be the ostrich with his head in the sand, because I have had to shut all of this political gamesmanship off. I no longer listen to any of it. It is mean, it is spiteful and daily it eats away at my soul. It is going to be difficult for me to even vote come November and I have never missed a presidential election since I turned 21! Thank you for trying to start a dialog, but dialog means people are listening and most unfortunately for this country, no one is.
Thank you for putting into words what was in my heart and in my mind. This choice is truly a difficult one for all Americans and I pray that voters look deeply inside their hearts and minds and make a choice not based on political party but based on who the better person really is to become our next president.
Thank you for writing this beautiful piece. I, too, have some friends who keep posting nasty political comments, calling Democrats “Communist” or stupid, making crude personal comments about the Obamas and the Clintons, and constantly stating that the US would be better off going back strictly to our Christian roots (and I thought our country was known for freedom of religion). While I respect the opinions of others, and love many of these friends, I deeply resent their crude superiority towards those of different races and religions. Most importantly, I, too, fear Donald Trump — at first I thought he was a joke, but now I am afraid he may be our worst nightmare.
Thank you for this thoughtful offering. I don’t know when or why we stopped being able to talk, but it’s where we find ourselves – some of the posts here reflect that reality.
I strive to understand the complex issues we face. I am frustrated in my search for fact-based information – so much manifests in pure partisan opinion. As an avenue of learning, I’ve tried to seek out discussions with friends whose opinions I respect that I know differ from mine. These encounters inevitably resulted in attacks and hurt feelings, so I learned to remain silent. I applaud your courage to move out of the safety of silence.
For what it’s worth: The experience of a former colleague who worked with Ms. Clinton at the Rose Law Firm and at the White House stands in strong contrast to what’s portrayed in Mr. Klein’s article. And I have close friends who’ve know Donald Trump socially for years and find him to be a kind, hospitable man and a loving father; but even they express reservations about his ability to lead this country.
This is the only election in which I can’t vote for either candidate. Abstaining is a sad choice for me. Neither party represents what I believe can solve our country’s serious fiscal and structural issues. I don’t want to lose hope, but I fear we may be past the point of no return.
As always I appreciate your honesty and your opinions. As first a mother to two wonderful and intelligent young adults, I feel it is up to me to be a good example. I have taught my children the meaning of empathy for others and to stand up for what they believe in. I have a gay son who I support with my whole heart. He has taught me more about acceptance than anyone I know. Second, I am a member of the community and I believe in getting involved when you think things matter. I recently had a heart-to-heart discussion with my State Representative about my feelings about gun legislation, and attended an interfaith service for the victims of the Orlando massacre. Thirdly, as a citizen of the United States of America, it is my right and privilege to exercise my right to vote. I take these things very seriously. We all need to make informed decisions to help heal this country. We cannot stand by and do nothing. If we do, we become part of the problem, not the solution. All the things that Donald Trump mocks, I stand up for, the immigrant…who here in this country did not have ancestors who were immigrants…LGBT rights, we are all equal under the Constitution… Gun Safety, since when were AK 47s invented for the average citizen to use…I could go on and on. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but when it threatens the common sense and the good of society it makes me wonder where all the sane people have gone. I applaud you!
A friend posted your piece on Facebook. I don’t often read things people re-post, but for some reason I chose to read this today. Today, the day someone told my seventeen year old she was stupid and uneducated because she didn’t believe Muslims should be banned in America. He told her her Muslim friends were going to hold a knife to her neck and make her convert. This kind of hatred breaks my heart but also make it hard, if not impossible, to begin any kind of conversation. Our country is so fractured, as other readers have commented, how can we ever heal?
I was very disappointed that you turned this article into a push for Hillary. It started with kindness and feelings towards our political craziness that’s rampant on social media. You then got angry at anyone who supported Ttump. If I wanted to hear more of political slants, I would have turned on MSNBC. I love your columns, but you lost me on this one.
I can only imagine the courage it took to hit the “post” button on this one! The willingness to bear your heart (and heartbreak), knowing that there would be some backlash, is beautiful and commendable. The very last paragraph is the one that lands squarely on my heart. Thank you.
Thank you, eloquent and brave and saying what many are thinking. Bravo!
I heard you, Katrina….what you truly were saying. Let’s listen to each other, really listen. Let’s talk respectfully, especially when our viewpoints are so different. America belongs to each of us and all of us. I’m inspired that you watched the republican debates and interviews with Trump, purposefully looking for his qualities and the reasons why many Americans are supporting him. I’m inspired that you openly called out Clinton on her mistakes and flaws. And you did both these things even though you are voting for Clinton. And then you had the courage to write about it! I don’t have the courage to even discuss current politics with anyone, including my own family, because I don’t want a contentious argument to result. I have to have debates and discussions in my own head about the candidates and who I might vote for because there is no one I can actually talk to about it. I loved the comment from the woman who said that she and her dad used to have respectful and lively political debates when she was in college! Would that we could all do that now….Peace, Anne
I read your book and when I was not even half way through it ,I could see you were yet another self absorbed woman trying to find herself at the expense of her children.Now I see a very passive aggressive side to you that is so common in your America and this generation of bubble/College kids that are a product of narcissistic parenting are rebelling in their own self destructive ways.Your country is imploding.Get past your rainbows,geraniums and unicorns in your yard and you will see exactly why your America is not the most powerful country in the world.I am a mother of 4 grown sons and I never had time to think about what I was missing out on in life.Turns out ,I didn’t miss a thing .I will give you our self entitled brat we call our prime minister ,Justin Trudeau for your Trump any day.
Well said!
I have loved reading your books and your blogs and they almost always “speak” to me. While I appreciate the courage it took to post this article, I could have done without knowing where you stand politically. Although I can’t quite articulate why, it just seems seems wrong, and unsettling, for you to have shared your views on the candidates. And for endorsing Clinton.
Katrina, I’m in tears after reading your post. I’m scared, too. So much seems out of control, despite the fact that I KNOW so many people of integrity and grace are trying to live honestly and kindly. I know many of them. Yet others must be scared, too — they’re also trying to live honestly and kindly and scared the life they knew or thought they had is being eroded rather than broadened by (at least some of) the changes happening these days.
I’m not a blogger for a million reasons and am glad to read of your careful reckoning of what it may mean if you write about possibly divisive subjects or take stands that others may not agree with. I’m glad you endorsed Clinton. You presented your take on each candidate and made a choice. I too watched all of the debates so far on both sides, even though friends and colleagues wondered with raised eyebrows about why I watched the “other side.” But it’s important. People on the “other side” have deeply held beliefs like people on the side I support (it’s important to remember that this really is a situation of dichotomy, whereas other situations will have many sides). I believe in dialogue and truth and hope both will prevail, but these are hard days these days, and it’s hard to keep an open heart when you wonder if danger is around you.
Thank you also for the links. I only rarely post to Facebook, but I’ve linked to your post so that many people can benefit from your honesty, struggle, and wish for something better. Best wishes to you and your family.
Please remove me from your list. I’m not interested in your politics bashing Trump and then praising Hillary.
Hi Katrina Thanks for your thought provoking posting as usual. I too am very worried about the state of the world and very concerned that the news each day seems to feature violence or hatred-
all over the world. I too am afraid that Donald Trump will win the election because of the intolerance that he espouses. However as a Canadian was hesitant to comment on American politics although the outcome effects us and the rest of the world of course. Until I read the comment which offered to trade our prime minister for Mr Trump! That did upset me! Granted Mr Trudeau also is not perfect but he is an improvement over our last one and far better than Mr Trump in my humble opinion. I hope for your sake and ours as close neighbours you can find a way to further peace and tolerance in your country and in the world. Thanks again for your great column.
This post spoke to me. Thank you for writing, and thank you for taking the risk to be authentic. I found it immensely refreshing, especially with the onslaught of articles and blog posts focused solely on marketing and agendas. Your last paragraph was a balanced assessment of what all Americans should strive for…regardless of political persuasion.
I noticed something very different on this blog than I have ever seen before. Most topics you write about the common ordinary lives we lead giving us touchpoints along our jouney. Things to think about. But this time it seems has struck a raw nerve. Some people don’t want to read or listen to ideas other than their own, whether they are threatened or just ignorant or insecure. Some peole just can’t handle the deviciveness and need to walk away. Whatever it is, it makes me wonder why COMPROMISE is such a drty word. We teach our children to share when they play with others Why can’t we be adults and learn to treat each other with respect. How will we ever solve any problems if we can’t talk to one another.
Kudos to you for setting the example of brave writing. Since I was a young mother gobbling up the pages of Mitten Strings until now as a published author myself, I have looked up to you – your thought process, your open soul, your beautiful, honest writing. Once again you are showing me the way. It is because so many are afraid to speak their minds and hearts that we have ended where we are. We have let the loudest, pushiest people have the floor. Too many sane and thoughtful people have abdicated, not wanting to join in the noisy, judgmental discourse. We cannot stay on the sidelines afraid of being judged for our opinions. We cannot refuse to have an opinion because it will upset others. We must question these people who spew unfounded opinions as facts with the simple goal of getting attention. We have to speak up, get involved, and more than anything – care about the leadership of our country. Thank you for getting me off the bench.
Surely you’ve read the heart breaking stories from the Benghazi tragedy. As a mother of two boys, I’m sure you would feel differently supporting Hillary if one of your boys were affected. Listen again to the moms begging for answers from Hillary and Obama and then write a column on that.
Mine is one more voice saying “Thank you” for writing compassionately and bravely about what’s in your heart, and incidentally reflecting what’s in mine. Thank you, Katrina Kenison!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful piece. Your voice and Anne Lamott’s voice gives me continued hope for the future, for our future. I, too, am voting for Hilary and I, too, am terrified by the possibility of a country led by Trump, but more than that, I am saddened beyond belief by the amount of support he has been given, which betrays an underlying schism in our country. How can he be seen as a rational choice unless your guiding principles are rooted in exclusion and hate and fear? Thank you for your resources at the end as well; as a high school English teacher, I will be using them in class this fall.
This piece was very inspiring to me. I am fifteen years old and the constant “bashing” of candidates is very prominent in my life. I go to school with a variety of diverse people with lots of different views, so I hear multiple different views of people’s opinions on and about the candidates in this election. Although I was younger and didn’t pay as close attention to details, I remember the previous two elections, and the dynamic of it was so different. I guess there has always been disagreements about who is more “fit” to be president, but these elections are toxic. It is unfortunate that politics are so relevant to people my age and even younger. I find that I can’t go one day without hearing something about Trump or Clinton, and in my opinion, it’s too early for that. I appreciate your opinions and bravery for writing about this.
Thank you for having the courage to post this. With four children, and two flawed candidates, I am truly scared…..scared for the future of our country, for the world, and for my children’s future. I pray for peace. I pray for safety. I pray for tolerance and love. I pray for an honorable, qualified candidate to come out of the woodwork….
“But this IS our America, in all its beauty and heartache and diversity and confusion.”
Amen, Katrina.
And let us not forget what this country was founded upon–the freedoms that define us, the freedoms that we share, equally. No doubt about it, democracy is a messy business. But look around the world–there are millions, maybe billions, who would risk their lives for the opportunities we all too often take for granted–to speak freely, to have our vote count.
I’ve been reminded lately of a scene from the end of The American President, when the fictional President Bartlett speaks words that seem particularly prescient about the world today:
“America isn’t easy. America is advanced citizenship. You’ve gotta want it bad, because it’s gonna put up a fight. It’s gonna say, “You want free speech? Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and advocating at the top of his (or her) lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.” You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can’t just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his (or her) right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the “land of the free.”
Thank you also, Katrina, for those links.
Onward and upward, KHM
I’m incredibly disappointed to read, in this space of all places, your blatant advocacy of an establishment, ambitious at-all-costs liar that is Hilary Clinton – and don’t say that’s name-calling, as it is proven truth – even the FBI investigation and Benghazi hearings (and others) proved as much. Too bad this blog has turned in to your forum for political proselytizing, when we held the site dear for lots of reasons other than that…
Because I find politics so interesting and because It is so important to understand the issues I too try to listen to as many sides as possible before an election. Progressive is what I consider my views to be. I believe our country is already great and can be even greater. I will be voting for the candidate who is breaking down barriers and not building walls. The differences seem so profound this year, and sometimes it feels hopeless. It is really disturbing to hear the level of crudeness some of our candidates have displayed. We need to demand more of our politicians. I first voted in the sixties, and I have never seen anything like this election. There are lots of good people in government, and they need to speak up.
Katrina, thank you so much for having the courage to start this conversation. I have many friends who have taken the on the badge of honor of checking out. That’s always felt wrong to me, and you’ve articulated beautifully why. It troubles me deeply to see so many comments here that belie the commenters inability to go deep in their thinking. I’ve asked with what I hope is sincerity any number of Trump supporters what they think he has that would somehow make the world a safer place. So far I haven’t received an answer beyond the wild notion about a wall along the Mexican border. I’m a Texan, and trust me the terrain is as wild as the idea. It’s also such a simplistic, in the box, idea. What this world needs is out of the box thinkers. It needs people who aren’t afraid to speak hard truths and challenge people to be their best selves. Our best does not include banning whole groups of people from access to the U.S. Our best does not include hate of people who’ve chosen a lifestyle we don’t agree with. Our best does not include refusing to have conversations about what constitutes a public health crisis. Our best does not include pitting people against each other. Instead of asking God to bless us all, I petition Him to BE with us all.
“You are an excellent writer about home life, the journey of parenting, and such – but I would steer clear of the political commentary. ” This to the editor who published scores of writers and worked with John Updike. Made me laugh. Sit down woman!
From London, where we never would have believed it could possibly come to a Brexit. But xenophobia and an overblown self belief that we need no friends except ourselves has made it happen.
Watching Turkey, where a president with dictatorial ambitions quickly uses a coup to rid himself of every possible adversary in the country, who finds that women should dedicate themselves to the above recommendation to you. Who says women who don’t have children are not whole. And one child is not enough.
My parents were immigrants to the US. They wanted to get away from a society, Germany, where “hate” ruled the minds. Hate politics cost millions of people’s lives. Because they were Jews. Because they were Roma. Because they were disabled. Because they were gay. Because they were Christians. Because they were disabled. Because they wrote, painted, composed or thought different from what a large noisy group thought the world ought to be like. Because they were different. Because they were enemies (everyone who did not support them) – done away with. Because they were drafted to fight some perverse war against other young people. Wiped away. And to this day we make films in the US were we congratulate ourselves for having done away with such a regime. And what are people praising now? The “right” view how the world should be. No LGBT. No abortion. No others.
My parents worked hard. They became valiant Americans. They believed in the freedom of humans. They abhorred the treatment of black people. My parents, who had witnessed war, did not believe guns should be accessed by any fool on the street. They were friends and colleagues with people of every kind of race, belief, and inclination. They did become agnostics after what they had seen and experienced in their youth – and a lot of it supported by the churches. And yet they were ten times more quietly spiritual people than many of those making a lot of noise and using the G word incessantly.
Germany refused to participate in the Iraq war, due to its constitution and also because the Green party foreign minister was not convinced of the Bush administration’s arguments of hidden weapons of mass destruction. Angela Merkel, the now prime minister and a pastor’s daughter has accepted over a million refugees from the Middle East, victims of a failed US and it’s allies policy. I am waiting for us to take responsibility for our failings on these people’s lives.
All I can say is: the world continues to look to the US for a moral lead. Europe fears a Trump world. Hate has no place in an educated, thoughtful choice. The US is a country that has access to education. People do have the luxury to think and educate themselves and not to be guided by TV and radio stations sponsored by private money and private interests. I saw the Berlin Wall. I saw the wall that divides Israel and Palestine. Walls are perverse. They are deeply, deeply wrong. Hate is deeply wrong. There is no perfect choice. But in choices we must think not only of our own small petty interests but of the bigger world around us. The US is too big, and too significant to make hate driven choices. It will affect the whole world.
Katrina, it is important to stand up and speak out when you think something wrong is about to happen. In Turkey, they’d whisk you away now. And unsubscribing from your blog is like sticking one’s fingers into one’s ears and shouting “LALALA”, and smothering out any sound adverse to one’s opinions. My parents experienced that. My Turkish friends are experiencing that. Speak out.
Readers: Nobody gets to tell anybody what they should and should not write about. Nobody gets to tell a woman that her voice must concern only the domestic, or that her domestic concerns must not be politicized, or that she must tolerate personal insults in the interest of “free speech”. This blog is Katrina’s forum, and she gets to use it for whatever she wants. Parenting is political. Marriage is political (ask anyone who is not in one). Speaking your truth–especially if you are a woman–is political. Katrina’s voice is important and so is yours and yours and yours. I hear this blog post as an invitation to seek each other’s truth, to learn through personal story, to emphasize with points of view that do not mirror our own, and to converse in effort to find common ground and achieve some measure of common good. If you disagree, please cool off for 24 hours and then read it again. And Katrina, I hear you loud and clear. You matter. Your voice is important. And you are using your gifts with tremendous grace and dignity. Say more and say it loud. You go girl!
Katrina, you have so eloquently put into words my own thoughts and feelings. Thank you, thank you, for writing so thoughtfully.
And I must echo what Jennifer and others have said, this IS your blog, you have every right (thank goodness) to post your thoughts. If some find your words uncomfortable, they can either think about why, and perhaps add politely to needed discussion, or they can choose to move along. Thank you for standing in your power.
Katrina, I can’t imagine the courage it took to write this post and then send it. Then, to have to go back and read the responses must be exhausting and draining…or maybe you have decided to stop reading them for your hearts sake.
We all subscribe to your blog and read your books because you have connected with us on some level. For me, your words are always thought provoking, comforting, encouraging and honest. Motherhood is not for the faint of heart and reading your stories has given me perspective and self-forgiveness on a number of occasions.
Though, I will admit, you and I probably do not agree on many issues, I respect your right to express yours.
One thing I do know…I’m still a mother. I’m here to tell you that I don’t care
who you are voting for because that’s not why I read your work. I read your work for my heart and for son, who benefits every time I remember a story you shared about your own sons. Keep writing Katrina, Republican or Democrat…we need your words.
Well done — and Amen
Katrina, I can’t imagine how you find the strength to read all of these comments. (If you do!) Thank you for writing this very thoughtful and thought-provoking piece as well as having the courage to invite our comments. I’d like to respond to many of the points raised herein, but will let the words of the original ‘motto’ of this country speak instead: “E pluribus unum.” Out of many, one. Adopted by Congress in 1782 (or thereabouts!). Our differences should strengthen, not divide, in the civil society many of us are striving for. The melting pot, remember? In so many ways we’ve become ‘better’ ~ a more accepting, intermingled society ~ during my lifetime (70) ~ I hope we continue to move forward. That is all.
Thank you for a thoughtful comment on the current political landscape, and the call to listen. I have to admit that is hard for me, especially since I don’t feel that I would be listened to. But there is no other way, right? This is a brave essay, thank you.
I found you from a post on Jena’s blog, and am so glad I did. You have voiced my own concerns and thoughts about this whole election. I have to keep reminding myself that I am still free. This is the first time in my life I have felt the need to do so.
THANK YOU!!!!
I am forwarding this to everyone I love.
Your words give me hope.
Thank you so much! I am adding this to facebook to share the very interesting and inspiring article on her👍 At this point in our countries good and bad times it is important to stay positive about matters such as this one! Hilary Clinton like all of us has some flaws but we know what she stands for in this election and the majority of her positive attributes will move this country in a positive way🇺🇸
In the past seven years has the country become more divided and less safe? I have never been so scared for my future and the future of my children. This is not the America I grew up in where you can’t even have a political discussion with your family. I do know it is time for change.
From peonies to politics-I appreciate your writing. Thank you for taking the time and having the courage to write this!
Thank you so, so much for writing this, Katrina. It puts into words all I have been thinking. Just today, I decided to take a break from Facebook because it was all too much. I’m reading articles, I’m listening to radio, I’m trying to understand, but I need to do it in a space that is less noisy, before I re-join and discourse. We need to be bold. We need to speak up. And we need to do it with thoughtfulness, kindness, and intelligence, as you have done here.
Thank you so much. You have said so much of what I feel in a much more articulate way than I could. I want to engage more, but sometimes it is easier to retreat to a safe distance where I guard my sanity and hope for our future here in my own home, where I can insist that people listen to each other, not call names (“poopyhead” is the new favorite), and behave respectfully.
When I have felt despondent in the last few weeks, I have gone back to Anne Lamott’s advice: radical self-care, feed the poor, flirt with old people, and may I add, love my kids deeply and actively.
I hope that you feel better!
I really appreciated this invitation to think, explore, and ponder. For rather than causing me to roll my eyes and fantasize about moving abroad, it spoke of hope.
I’ve never been politically oriented or interested, though I can get interested in almost any topic and do just that as a homeschooler. I’ve avoided becoming politically involved with my excuse being “it’s corrupt anyway, so what’s the point?” And while I want my children to feel that their individual voice matters, I haven’t felt that mine does in a political sense. So while it’s easy for me to grumble under my breath about the state of affairs with this election, I thank you for sparking my interest in a way that speaks of humanity and honesty and ignites my CURIOSITY and an interest in going deeper.
We met years ago in a coffee shop there in NH and talked about children, community and Waldorf education. It’s nice to keep the conversation going….
Thank you so much for this comment. I came to your site because you wrote so eloquently about the sense of loss of watching my kids move to the next station. I was convinced that the path to happiness was letting go. So I did. I let go and learned to live in the present and it brought me happiness. Along the way friends , family, and acquaintances who had not let go kept bringing politics into my life. I kept disconnecting, Facebook and cocktail parties. But now it is here.
I cannot help but think of the poem/statement by Pastor Martin Niemolle: “First They Came.” “First they came for the Socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist. Then they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak for me.”
This has brought me to realize that I have to come out of my cocoon that served me so well. The above quote makes me realize there is a thin line between indifference spawned by a deep need to live in the present and cowardice…that place in my psyche lets me process life by disconnecting.
I have met few supporters who are tolerant of anyone who doubts his values. They have created a faux victimization. They rarely are satisfied to agree to disagree. This cannot stand.
Have you watched Clinton Cash? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LYRUOd_QoM
Take a look and then say who you are voting for come November. So many people suffering at the abuses of Clinton supporters – very sad all around.
I thank you so much Katrina for sharing your deep concerns and fear. Reading your post made me feel even closer with your country and people. I am French but my heart has always been on the other side of the ocean where my children were born and I spent most of my adult life.
Yet, I keep asking myself the same question all over: what has happened to us so that we cannot look at one another without feeling scared and suspicious?
What has happened to this old Europe of ours as well as this great America of yours?
What has happened so that educated and regular people, teachers and all those that work in public services are not afraid to turn to the other side and declare that they can surely vote for a person that incarnates hatred, blindness and stupidity?
What has happened in our sweet southern cities, in our so beautiful French Riviera–where Fitzgerald himself loved to live and write–for our children to be brutally assassinated by madness on a national family-event ?
What has happened to humanity, to our world that we all share and live in for our children’s sake and future?
But the more I question myself the more I feel deep despair and helpless.
What has happened to us all so that we cannot even share our political views and differences?
I do feel scared but even more I feel ashamed.
Yet I struggle against my own anger and I want to believe that something good is going to come out of all those lost but cherished lives, of all those broken but united families and lead us all to a brighter and bluer future.
We need it but most of all we have to believe, otherwise all those lives will have been lost for nothing and then I could not believe anymore in what is the dearest of all, which is the future of our children from all over the world.
And, I am a believer.
Kristina, I agree with Jane, your comments were both eloquent and brave. I am very appreciative that you have thoughtfully put into perspective the incredible divisiveness that is out there. It helps greatly to read so many of the comments posted, and to know that I am is not alone in my support of Hillary Clinton.
This is a truly wonderful, nuanced piece that captures so much of the despair I have felt (and goes beyond it with greater patience and insight than I’ve so far been able to muster).