Flying to the west coast recently, I found myself seated on the plane alongside a young couple. They appeared to be about twenty-four or so, the same age as my own older son. She, five months pregnant, was immersed in a how-to book about mothering newborns. He, sweet but distracted, played a video game on his computer.
I couldn’t help but watch them with tenderness, these two innocent parents-to-be with so many joys and challenges and unknowns in their future. The young woman spent a long time bent over a page of diagrams showing, in step-by-step detail, how to swaddle a baby. At one point, she summoned her husband’s attention to the page as well. She went through the motions of blanket folding in the air, concentrating intently, referring back to the directions. It was clear she wanted him to take the swaddling lesson as seriously as she did.
“We have lots of time to practice, honey,” her husband said, before turning his gaze back to the screen on his laptop.
Shyly, she turned then to me. “Do you have children?” she asked.
I told her I did, two sons.
“Did you swaddle them?”
“Yes,” I answered. “But not for long. That only lasted for a week or so. By the time I got good at it, they didn’t want to be swaddled anymore. And then I had to learn something else. That’s pretty much the way it goes all the way through motherhood — just as you get one thing figured out, your child is on to some new stage, and you’re trying to keep up.”
We talked a bit more, two women separated by decades, one of us at the very outset of her journey and the other well along the path. But we had something in common, too, something ineffable and universal and timeless: the desire to connect the dots of our shared experience, to hear each other’s stories and to acknowledge the mysterious, demanding, transformative work that bound us already – motherhood.
As the plane landed, I wished my seatmate good luck with her baby, due in June. There was so much more I wanted to say, things like, “Whatever you are expecting motherhood to be like, it won’t be that; it will be different.” And, “No matter how much you may doubt your abilities, and you will doubt them, don’t worry; you have what it takes.” And, “Even though the days may feel endless, the years will fly by. Don’t race through them. Enjoy the ordinary moments.”
Fortunately, I resisted the impulse to offer this pregnant stranger a string of platitudes that would go in one ear and out the other. But I do wish I’d asked for her name and address, so I could send her instead a copy of this lovely, profoundly inspiring anthology, Motherhood Realized. Although official publication date is still a week away, early readers are discovering in this book an instant community of wise, eloquent, dedicated mothers – the very chorus of voices I would love to have offered my young friend on the plane, to support and guide and accompany her through all the twists and turns of the years ahead.
“Heading Home with Your Newborn” might ease a new mom through the drama of giving birth and surviving the first few sleepless nights. But Motherhood Realized is a book that will live on bedside tables for years to come — well-thumbed, underlined, bookmarked, shared. Here are the personal stories of mothers just like you and me, not experts who have everything figured out or agendas to promote, but ordinary women who have seized time from their daily lives to report from the trenches of firsthand experience and who have summoned the courage to write from their hearts – the ups, the downs, the hard lessons learned, the small moments savored, the tears shed, the priorities reordered, the humble revelations celebrated, the inevitable challenges confronted.
Gathered from the rich archives of Power of Moms, one of the largest and most beloved online communities of mothers, the pieces selected for inclusion in Motherhood Realized comprise the literary equivalent of an intimate coffee hour with your most engaging, most observant, most empathetic women friends. It’s an honor for me to have one of my own essays (about grown-up children returning home again) included here, and it was a joy to read the other pieces and find myself in such good, varied company. Kindred souls, for sure.
Power of Moms defines itself as a community of “deliberate mothers.” Not perfect mothers, not stay-at-home or working or home-schooling mothers, not mothers of any particular religious or philosophical bent, but rather mothers who have simply made a choice to be thoughtful about, and fully present to, the day-in-day-out demands and joys of family life and child-rearing. If this sounds like you, then you, too, will find sustenance and companionship in these pages.
I’m delighted to offer one copy of this special book to a reader here.
Enter to win a copy of Motherhood Realized.
Just leave a comment below. Answer the question, “What is your greatest parenting challenge or joy right now?” Or, if you prefer, simply say “Count me in.”
One book winner will be chosen at random on Tuesday, April 8, the official publication day.
For more info, visit here.
To order the book, click here.
Being thoroughly exhausted (always) during the very little time I have with my children (when I’m not working or sleeping) and wishing (always) I had more energy and patience…
Count me in.
My greatest joy right now is watching my two daughters mother their baby sons, my two precious grandsons!
My greatest joy right now is listening to my two children play together, nicely, for moments at a time 🙂
My greatest parenting joy is seeing my adult children sharing their best selves with others…and with me;)
My daughter turns 18 today…at 640pm. 🙂 I am so blessed to have this amazing woman as my daughter…soon she will be away to college and I will miss her so. I am savoring all our time together.
My greatest parenting challenge this week is resisting the urge to make up my daughter’s mind for her. She is a high school senior and this week, the college decisions have been rolling in. She sent 12 applications. She is still waiting to hear from one school, and has two no’s, one waitlist, and eight offers of admission! It’s not a clear-cut decision. There are so many factors weighing in. Even as this feels challenging, it also brings tremendous joy. My first-born is about to launch herself into the next exciting stage of life and I couldn’t be more proud of her.
Just spending time with my grown twin daughters & grandkids.
Taking care of my three grandchildren this week, so my daughter and husband can go away ALONE. Looking forward to it! Looks like a book I should get for her.
Greatest challenge….watching your child suffer through a chronic illness and feeling completely powerless. Life was so much simpler when Mom could “fix everything.”
Everyone’s sharing their greatest joy, but right now my biggest challenge with parenting is dealing with my 21 year old daughters “bad choices” which are causing a deep rift in our bond. Heartbreaking and very difficult to “let it go” and accept that I cannot “make” her chose differently.
I would love to read this and share with my sister who is expecting her first child and has just discovered the baby has a serious heart condition, which will require surgery after the delivery.
My greatest challenge is I spent ALL DAY EVERY DAY in the rear view mirror and I don’t know how to stop….
Count me in! Thank you, Katrina.
Greatest challenge: Learning how to parent two teenagers (14 and 12) and also learning how to encourage independence in my nine year old (he’s my baby and all I want to do is baby him). Greatest joy: Watching my children grow into amazing human beings. They impress me every day. Lots of mixed emotions going on with me lately and it’s certainly a wild ride.
My greatest joy is watching my daughter becoming a mother to my new grandson! Trying to be supportive without overreaching into areas that are not my place – she will figure things out just as I did!
My greatest challenge right now is remembering that while my four kids are still the center of my world, I am no longer the center of theirs. Every day I try to remember how I felt at that age–that my parents were a rock for me to fall back on, steady and secure, but you don’t THINK about the rock much, or give it much love or attention.
My biggest challenge is dealing with my son who has chronic lyme disease. It is a very slow process to wellness and a very expensive one, too. Love to read the book. Thanks for the opportunity.
Watching my son and his girlfriend be so totally in love with their daughter.
My joy is the way in which I receive hugs and kisses given so freely, energetically, and enthusiastically by my five little ones…such a gift to hold on to!
My greatest challenge is trying to accept the fact that my now 25 year old engaged son will no longer want to go on vacations with me or spend the holidays with me. He has a “new” family now and his time will be with them. It makes me sad and lonely.
Count me in please
To help them stay in childhood for as long as they can; the world moves too fast around them. And then, when they’re ready to let them lead the way.
loving myself, forgiving, accepting, learning how to soften, so i can give them the best life possible. so glad to see your blog back-
Count me in. 🙂
My biggest challenge right now is this state of change and uncertainty. My oldest son is about to graduate from high school and will be off to college in the Fall. Every day I wonder how our house and family will feel without his daily presence.
Waver between joy & challenge a lot these days, as I watch my 14 year old son continue on his path of independence. He is respectful, smart, handsome & an absolute blessing. Trying to find that “perfect” balance between joy at the man he’s becoming & sadness at the little boy I already miss.
I’m dealing with my greatest joy and my greatest sadness right now. My son Levi just turned 3 and I feel like tomorrow he’s be 15 leaving to go hang with his friends and he will not need me to hold his hand and go for walks. The smile he gets when Dad and I get to daycare to pick him up, the love he just knows without trying… I wish I could freeze time and keep him little for as long as possible. The sadness is overwhelming as is the JOY of it all 🙂
My biggest challenge right now is getting my teenage daughters to love and appreciate each other, as I know they will in the future. My biggest joy is when (on the rare occasion) that I go to bed before them, they come in and kiss me goodnght.
My greatest mothering challenge right now is wanting more children but not knowing of I’m up to the task. I have three children right now and feel called to have give but I don’t know how I could ever do this. I had only three kids in my growing up so I just don’t know how larger families work. I feel completely inadequate.
Greatest joy – watching my two now-grown children (27, 23) pursue their life goals and dreams, and enjoying the wonderful people they have become. Greatest challenge – trying not to feel like the best of my days are behind me. For me, nothing compares to the joy I felt when they were little.
Please count me in for the book, Katrina. Thanks.
Count me in. My greatest joy is spending time with my adult sons. The biggest challenge is learning when not to interfere or offer advise. The hardest lesson is to let them make their own decisions, realizing it is out of my control.
My joy and challenge are the same: helping each other get to heaven!
My challenge is living in the moment — of calm, of organized chaos, of subtle shifts and of shared interests, as my teenagers move each day closer to the last day of high school and the beginning of another new journey for us all…
Thank you, Katrina. My biggest challenge? Hard to say..motherhood brings with it challenges that to me may seem insurmountable, but to my children the effects can be equally large. Right now I”m in a transition period; my daughter is on college visits and within the next month will have to trust her intuition and make a choice. My son, on the cusp of high school, is chasing his ski racing dream and enrolled at a boarding school 2 hours away from home. The house feels empty, and I trust that if I hang onto what my gut tells me, I will make it through this transition just like all that have come before. But it’s hard!
Finding ways to stay connected to my teen-aged children and coming up with activities that we can all enjoy together as a family is my latest challenge. Also, trying to live a simple life, resisting materialism and consumerism, is always a challenge with children.
Right now, my greatest joy is preparing for the arrival of our third baby in a couple of months. Recognizing that I feel more comfortable and confident this time around, and understanding that my two daughters have already prepared me in the deepest ways- awakening my soul, stirring things up in my heart and mind, leaving me emptied out and open. (Thank you for hosting this give-away!!)
Trying to get the last one through high school!
My chicks have left the nest and I miss them. But, one of my greatest joys is to watch them become parents themselves and to see the love they have for their spouses and children. To watch my daughter embrace motherhood, and to see her grow as a women fills my heart with even more love for her. I love being a mom AND a grandma!
My greatest joy is watching my adult children blossom into caring, sensitive and thoughtful people and knowing all the persevering was worth every second. I am blessed.
My greatest parenting challenge and joy, simultaneously, is trying to take it all in and to slow down time.
You are so humble! I would have told this woman that not only do I have 2 sons, but I have written renowned books about them as well! This new book looks great. Thank you for turning me on to it.
I think my greatest parenting challenges right now are 1) learning to give up a lot of the control I had when the kids were younger and 2) accepting my children for who they are instead of trying to make them “more this or less that…” Love your books and looking forward to this one as well!
Teenage attitude
My son, my only child, will be 18 soon. As we perform the delicate dance through the teen years, sometimes in perfect step and sometimes stepping on each other’s toes, I cherish each moment shared. It warms my heart to realize that my teachings through the years have indeed “stuck” in the most important areas — treat others with kindness in a world which not always is kind — and love, always.
My mind goes first to the challenges but I want to focus on the joy today: watching the creativity explode in building and projects and stories and songs and dramatic play.
My greatest parenting challenge is trying to figure out each of my four children’s strengths and natural abilities so that I can nurture and help them develop into caring contributing wonderful little human beings.
My greatest parenting challenge right now is finding the patience and presence I need to stay calm when my older son pushes so fiercely at all his boundaries. And despite the challenge each day with him brings, one of my greatest joys is seeing his sweet face, alongside his little brother’s, every morning.
Today, has been one of those hard to be a Mom days. It is neither the first or the last. She and I will both make it through . . .
Wisdom from a friend long ago, “Don’t prepare the path for the child, prepare the child for the path.”
I struggle with sending my kids away from home especially when they’d rather stay but sometimes we all have to grow up and go away (for some time). Thanks for the giveaway!
Count me in! I have enjoyed and cherished all your books. Mitten Strings from God got me thru the early years of Motherhood. I’m currently reading the Magical Journey. My greatest joy is to see the remarkable young man my son has become. It has been the 2 of us for 18 years, because my husband, his father, has travelled for his job nearly 95% of the time. He will leave for college in the fall and I’m teetering on the edge of letting go.
I have one son in college and the other a senior in high school and my greatest challenge is having the courage to let them go. I have spent 21 years trying to keep them safe & helping them make good choices and now I must let them do it on their own.
My challenge is letting go of the day to day needs of the home and just saying “Yes” to my kids. Yes to doing a puzzle. Yes to throwing a ball outside. Yes to just sitting and watching them tumble or spin or color outside of the lines. They are three and six and these ages are amazing. Fleeting so fast. They’ll be gone in an instant.
I would love a copy!
My greatest parenting challenge right now is being supportive through daily drama of my daughter’s senior year in high school as the Senior Prom approaches. And she still doesn’t have a date!
Count me in!
Greatest Joy at the moment – embracing the reality that my 14 year old son is growing up to be such a great kid AND that he still asks me sing his favorite Irish lullaby EVERY night.
Greatest Challenge at the moment – embracing the reality that my 16 year old son will experience heart break, other struggles, will push me as far away as he can AND that he will not ask me for comfort or guidance.
My joy is seeing them love and serve each other!
This was a beautiful post and shout out for powerofmoms! You’re amazing!!
My greatest challenge currently is that my 22 year-old daughter is living in Japan for ten months on a Fulbright Scholarship. My son and I just returned from an awesome visit , but after spending a week with her, I am missing her more than ever and will not see her again for four and a half months. I give my kids wings, but it is hard sometimes.
My greatest joy right now is in getting to know my blossoming almost-12-year-old as the amazing, smart, confident, fun, maturing, cool kid that he is becoming. At every stage of his life, I have wondered how parenting could get any better and how I could possibly love him more than I did at that moment, but without fail, each phase has brought challenges and joys beyond my wildest imagination and yes, I do somehow find that I love him (and enjoy him) more at each stage.
My greatest joy is watching my, now adult, daughters take off in the world. It is also my greatest parenting challenge as I learn how to let go.
Count me in! Present challenge? Learning to live with adult children – newly graduated- Where did these self centered egos come from?
My greatest joy is watching my sons being a loving parents to my Grandchildren.
My challenge is accepting
A daughter is a daughter all of her life
A son is a son till he takes a wife.
As a mother of 2 sons, this really happens, I do have a good relationship with my
Boys, but their wife’s are extremely close to their mothers so that is where
They spend their time.
I have two daughters who gave birth within 4 months of each other last year. I would love to win a copy of this book and then if I do win, order one for the other….mother’s day is coming…what a wonderful gift this would be. Thanks for the opportunity.
One of my challenges right now is allowing my son, 24, to make his own mistakes and choices. Having made too many of them for him already (hindsight is a wonderful thing) he really needs to see success or failure on his own terms. He is so amazing.
greatest joy: a 12-year-old teetering between little boy and too-cool teen, when he surrenders to the tender boy inside, and draws me close (as he did this morning) to whisper in my ear, “you’re my angel.”
Please count me in, thank you x
My greatest challenge and joy is the same. My son has dyslexia. He started playing such a shame shell game around his learning despite his wonderful mind and heart. . . I am teaching graduate school yet I realized through walking along side him that I struggled very similarly. I ached around our own struggles with ‘being smart enough.” As we leaned in to it together, we both are healing. . . he said he think he may do a science fair project on dyslexia next year. His shame (and mine) are melting. . .
definitely count me in. I often wonder if I would have done things differently when my children were smaller if I had know certain things. Then again I think some knowledge really only comes with experience and perhaps aging.
My four children are grown, and three of them are parents – greatest joy is seeing them transcend into parenthood and experiencing the same love, joy, tears, worry that I had. Seeing them embrace the latest and greatest – not because it is the latest and greatest as some things are a throw back to their grandmother’s time – but because they want to be the best parents – perhaps better than we were – but didn’t we want the same thing? They are finding their way. And some days, when the stars are aligned and grace is shining on me, they tell me “I hear your voice…” What goes around, comes around, and it’s all good. So blessed to be a mother, the good, the bad, and the ugly all combine to make a most interesting whole.
I love this line, Katrina: “That’s pretty much the way it goes all the way through motherhood — just as you get one thing figured out, your child is on to some new stage, and you’re trying to keep up.” I think those are some of the truest words ever spoken about motherhood. You did your young friend well, it seems to me.
My greatest joy right now is watching both of my boys learning to read and being as enchanted by books as readers as they’ve always been as listeners. What a treat.
Count me in! I think my biggest challenge now that my children are in college and high school is letting go! I am so proud of them, but still want to help direct and guide them- and the balance between providing that advice and bugging them is a delicate one!
Dealing with constant meltdowns is driving me nuts!
My greatest challenge right now is trying to act excited about my oldest daughter’s decision to seek an appointment to the United States Naval Academy. This has been a dream of hers for many years, and now in her junior year of high school, she is getting closer to finding out if she has what it takes. While I honor her commitment, the thought of her serving in the military while the world is in such tumult, makes me very afraid. I can only pray that the Lord’s will is done and that he will protect this precious daughter of mine should this be the path he has chosen.
Figuring out how to let go of my daughter when she goes off to college in the fall–trying to celebrate her growing self-sufficiency, while honoring my own sense of loss. It’s tough!
I have ten children. They all have their own challenges that become mine as well. It’s easy to get overwhelmed. But what makes it doable is soaking in their hugs, memorizing their smiles, giggling at their singularity, and cheering their successes. I love running into people that know my children and see the look on their face as they make the connection between me and my child and hear them say, “I know him! He’s a great kid!” It makes my heart soar to watch my child perform perfectly something they’ve worked incredibly hard on. Tears come to my eyes to see one of my children take one of their siblings in their arms and hold them as they sleep and know they will be a marvelous parent someday. Motherhood is truly a beautiful state of being!
Letting go. Parenting toddlers and young children came so much more naturally to me than letting teenagers grow and go!
My challeng at this time in my life is watching my adult daughters grow into their own persons and resisting the urge to inflict my beliefs on them. I bite my tongue sometimes when they express beliefts that don’t necessarily agree with mine. So proud of their independent thinking.
Challenge – Letting my girls’ future be THEIR future, not what I might have in mind.
Joy – watching them become who they are: beautiful, thoughtful, loving young women.
Count me in, sounds like a great read. I could echo many of the comments above, but as I look around today at my four teenagers, I think my greatest challenge is the balance between monitoring their activities and letting them rein themselves in as appropriate.
Navigating teenage drama and understanding the annoyance and glares are just a stage . Also navigating the push/pull with one of my boys and his reluctance to complete schoolwork while making sure he understands he is loved regardless of his mistakes and lack of priority with academics.
Count me in. With 2 of my 3 off at university and just one left for two more precious years….I find joy in our moments all together and I am challenged with what life will look like when they have all left the nest. Letting go is a constant challenge
Count me in! Parenting has been the best discovery of learning who I am as a woman… The good parts and the parts that need growth! From a toddler to sending my first to college, I take one day at a time and love each of my 5 in the unique way each one needs.
yes, count me in please! thank you!
Count me in, please!!! Although I was not blessed to be a Mom, I have many children in my life………………my love pours out of me all the time. I am interested in reading the book so much………………AND giving to a vast array of young mom’s in my world! Thank you for this gift!
Our children are now old men, but that doesn’t mean I am not a mother who always has them ever on my mind.
Letting go is, by far, the hardest part of parenting.
My greatest joy right now is spending one-on-one time with my kids. They open up in new ways when it’s just the two of us. My greatest challenge is probably finding the time to give each of them that individual attention.
Watching my son being a Dad…and having a darling granddaughter!
Hardest part by far is watching our firstborn get ready for college in the fall, knowing his younger sister is three short years behind him, feeling like (as Anna Quindlen says) they are taking parts of my very best self with them. I think our next chapter should be titled, “Marriage After Children Leave Home: Where the Hell Are We Now?” I don’t have an answer yet. Thank you, Katrina, for letting us share this journey with you!
My greatest joy right now is to see my two children as teenagers and celebrate how wonderful they are. I am grateful for every moment with them. Even when they are 16 and 18, it is the gift of the ordinary, that resonate in our lives.
The biggest challenge of mothering is realizing how quickly it goes by!
My greatest challenge is trying to teach my son empathy for others. It can’t really be taught but caught, it is not straightforward but requires thoughtfulness and many layers of approach. It is both a discouraging and hopeful process at the same time.
Count me in! My biggest parenting challenge right now is figuring out the balance between some television and too much television. In an effort to get my son away from the television, I have been over-scheduling the weekends with trips and activities and various outings. It has gotten to be too exhausting. I have no down time, and I’m not home long enough to accomplish anything between these whirlwind weekends and the long days of the work week. I need to just let it go and realize that a little television isn’t such a bad thing.
Count me in! My biggest challenge is that that I want my girls to grow up with a real sense of their individual worth, to know that time is precious and flies by too fast and to relish and keep hold of those special ‘ordinary days’.
The greatest challenge in being a mom, for me right now, is letting my two sons “go” as they launch into life….and making a life for myself.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful treasure. My greatest challenges right now: knowing my children are experiencing the heart of childhood (the one the may truly remember) and struggling with in-the-moment joy vs future-oriented choices. My joy: the flow of our life in community. xo
Greatest joy as a parent currently is seeing my grown children become close friends and enjoy each other so much.
Joy & Challenge: Giving them the freedom to express themselves, openly and honestly and without recrimination from me. All while encouraging them to trust that even if they fail; they succeed.
Count me in. The book sounds wonderful.
My greatest challenge right now is watching my son go through his last few months of college, and the future being quite uncertain for him since he has not had any luck finding a job yet. I have to trust in him and his ability, recognizing that whatever happens he will cope and learn from it. It is hard to look forward even only a few months and not know what lies ahead.
I feel that my biggest challenge is trying to navigate myself through the immense changes that my 13 year old son is experiencing. Being 13 is so different than when I was 13. Since reading “A Gift of an Ordinary Day,” I am trying to enjoy every moment with both of my boys more.
My greatest Mothering Challenge right now (and for the last 7 years) is living through the sudden death of my daughter McKayla. It is a journey … sometimes I take two steps back and some days I take three steps forward. My greatest joy is our daughter Amanda … Joy and Sorrow .. it sits side by side, and when joy takes center stage, Sorrow is not jealous because it knows it will soon take center stage … I am a mom who is blessed with two beautiful souls that were given to me <3
My greatest challenge is watching/helping my 16 year old son learn to manage/cope with his brand new diagnosis of a big processing delay and ADD. I’m also learning to deal with my oldest son being far away as a freshman in college this year, all the while seeing my 12 year old daughter pull away and grow up much too fast!
Count me in too. I love the book idea and look forward to reading it soon. It is so rewarding to be part of my adult children’s lives and witness what amazing people they have become and are becoming. It was very challenging to try to be the best Mom I could be when they were younger and I was hit with health problems but that helps me appreciate them all the more as they learned early that a mother isn’t perfect no matter how much she wants to be for their sakes.
My greatest challenge is helping my youngest manage the maze of college visits, SATs, applications and big decisions. I am helping her move out of our home and into the rest of her life. I am excited and sad at the same time.
My greatest joy is seeing my teenage son growing up, maturing and thinking about college, jobs and driving for the first time. I didn’t know this was at all possible last year and he made a great leap of maturity this past year.
My greatest parenting joy is watching my 3 and 5 year old develop into their own, very different, personalities! As mundane as my days may be, everyday I have with them is a blessing!!!
Count me in!!!;)
Please count me in. Thanks!
My parenting challenge is trying to master myself so I can be a cheerful, kind mother of 3 very young ones despite sleepless nights and other life stresses.
My struggle this week is knowing when to encourage and push my high school daughter and when to step back a watch her struggle and find her way.
My greatest joy today was when my 17 year old son said “thank you for dinner, Mama” even though he doesn’t like lasagna. It really is the small and ordinary moments that are the sweetest, as you we’ll know and, thankfully, have taught us to notice.
Count me in!
Learning to be a supportive grandparent to our late in life 14 month old granddaughter and her parents. It is hard to realize we had our chance and now this is their chance. We think this granddaughter is the best thing ever!!
watching her grow and make her way in this very big world on her own.
My greatest joy right now is looking forward to my son’s college graduation on Mother’s Day weekend. It will be my third consecutive Mother’s Day weekend attending college graduations, and I can’t think of a nicer gift than the knowledge that my kids have made it to this stage of their lives, and I was able to help make this happen for them. (My daughter was awarded her Bachelors degree Mother’s Day weekend 2012 and her Masters degree Mother’s Day weekend 2013.)
count me in please!
My greatest joy is also my greatest challenge. As my children get ready to fly from the nest, I hope that they will keep in touch, call or text often and not consider me as a smother. I heard this term on a television show. Sometimes it suites me. The one thing I really want is Time with my 20something children. I think that is the one thing that we never appreciate enough. My youngest is graduating in May, and I know he will want to spread his wings. My older child graduated two years ago and cannot find a job in her field, so she still lives at home. Sometimes it can be frustrating, but I will miss her when she leaves. I think this will be the hardest part of parenting- Letting Go. I know it’s inevitable, but it will be incredibly difficult. Time goes too fast.
I work as a barista and often see young mothers. Many of these women know I have a 22 year-old son and ask me for advice. The best advise I can give is to just LOVE your child. It doesn’t matter when they potty train or when they learn to read. Your child will never lose the love you give them. My son reminds me all the time what a happy childhood he had. My husband had health problems and money was often tight but he says all the time: “I had the best childhood ever!: This is my greatest joy knowing that even though things were not always perfect…my son is happy and feels loved.
Yes please!!!
Joy: oh just their FACES and getting to photograph them every day.
Pain: currently, a 14-month-old REFUSING bedtime. The worst.
Well, certainly count me in! But I confess that the most challenging parenthood (or quasi-step-parenthood) issue I face these days is trying to be the right person, say and do the right things for the oldest — 27, an artist and extraordinarily talented creatively, but not very good in life or business skills. We think we came closest we ever have to losing him at Christmas when, feeling suicidal and in a deep depression that had been building for a long while, he chose to check himself into a psychiatric hospital where he stayed through the holidays. I want to say “so far, so good” — and the fact he is still with us is good indeed. But when we can’t reach him for several days, our hearts stop. We go into the “check facebook mode — when did he last post? How did he seem?” Getting a grip on something so fragile as life, something that can’t easily be controlled, is a challenge. Trying not to worry, but knowing anything can happen adds to the challenge. And I wonder if that challenge will ever pass?
My biggest challenge is respecting one daughter’s choice of partner. There are many things about him we don’t like -his unwillingness to get a job tops the list! However,as many others have said above letting go is the hardest thing. Our daughter has a good job and her partner looks after their son while she studies and works. Being respectful and honoring her as an adult is a challenge for me. Seeing her parent her little boy in a loving way is a great joy.
Right Now – To trust in the paradox of Motherhood. Welcome the challenge when it surfaces, be ever present and aware and don’t react. Simply hold her hand, instead of pointing the finger and experience the joy and privilege of being a mum and listen………
Greatest joy: watching my youngest two children pretending together.
Greatest struggle: finding the patience and strength deep down to get through each day.
My greatest parenting challenge is the older of my two adult sons. He has married and has diminished his relationship with his side of family, steadily more each year. He invests fully with his wife’s family, and has no local friends of his own. We are long distance but no longer does he travel to visit. It is heart breakin
count me in
count me in!
My greatest joy is watching my daughter, Margaret (11), finally start to understand and accept her older brother, James(14), who is nonverbal with classic autism, and her voice as she reads a records a book for him…her desire to finally want to connect with him in any way she can:)
Count me in! Also, my greatest challenge is accepting my daughter’s personality for who she is at this stage of life. She is 3 and has ALWAYS used a high-pitched, whiney voice when she is frustrated. I am a teacher with a psych. degree and my husband is a common-sense, well-rounded, successful man. We both know that “Children do what works” but honestly, we have NEVER accepted this form of communication from her. We always say, “Let’s find a better way to show what we want” or “Let’s work together to solve this problem” . How could she still be using this behaviour? This is who she is at THREE and I try to accept that. I know that, one day, all of our modelling and teaching will influence her. Trying to be patient. LOL In answer to the second part: Our greatest joy these days is watching our son and daughter interact and delight in eachother. He is 5 and she is 3 so they seem to be at a great age to explore, laugh and play together. I can’t stop snapping photos! 🙂 (Hoping this fun stage will last as long as possible!)
Count me in.
At the moment, we have a tween who is trying to figure out whether she’s still a little girl or if she’s a woman – quite disconcerting for her dad and me. And we have a little 7 year old who is still very much a little girl, but a force of nature to be reckoned with! As you said, though, just when you figure it out, the game changes. “The girls,” as we call them, always keep us on our toes.
I would love to have a copy of the book.
My biggest challenge is a constant low-level fear that my adult children will never live near me again. They are loving and connected, but busy spreading their wings…..and flying far away from home. I miss them. The thought of only seeing them a few times a year makes me so sad….
My greatest parenting challenge now as a mother of an adult daughter, is still trying to “let go”. I’m disappointed in myself for what is, I know, a natural progression, and of still wanting to mother too much.
It’s very difficult, even still as she’s now married and has children of her own.
As moms, we are often too judge mental of ourselves. Recently my twenty-six year old son, a young man who had to learn most life lessons “his” way, posted on Facebook that his mom (ME!!!) taught him all he needed to know about being compassionate. That comment melted my heart and made me feel like I’d done more than a few things right as a mom. I would love to win that book.
My greatest joy is that my daughters are each others best friends. They are so close and really enjoy each others company. They are 14 and nearly 18 years old and this is such a blessing.
My greatest challenge is coming to terms with my older girl going off to college in the fall. I am simultaneously scared that I have not prepared her properly, and sad that she is going. I cannot imagine our lives without her at home and worry for her sister since they are so close. Also, whenever I mention how much I will miss her, my younger girl says “but you have me!” She seems to feel that me missing her sister takes away from her somehow. Trying to balance the incredible sadness and loss I feel so that it doesn’t hurt either of my girls. I don’t want to make my oldest feel guilty because I am sad, she is simply doing what all children eventually do. Still, I am at a loss.
My greatest parenting challenge right now is realizing it’s almost time to let go. I have four teen-agers at home, and they’re all truly neat kids. One will move out to go to college in August and there will be an emptiness in our house once he’s gone. Prayer is my greatest comfort, followed by the belief that I’ve done the best I can with them.
I think most days have had their challenges, as well as those moments of great joy. Mine are now young adults in their 20’s, forging their own paths, and that still holds true.
Please count me in : )
Katrina–On an unrelated note–Just a suggestion: When you include links to other information, such as in this post, if you could make the link “open in a new window” instead of readers having to leave your page–That makes for easier referencing, for me anyway–And keeps your writing on my screen! : )
Thanks for bringing this new anthology to my attention and for sharing the Power of Moms info. I appreciate all the resources you share, in such a thoughtful way.
If only we could realize that the biggest challenger really is how quickly the years go. I believe mothers miss their little children all our lives – regardless how wonderful our adult children.
I think my biggest challenge right now is letting go of that “perfect” mom I so badly want to be and just enjoy my children, the stage they’re at right now, and embrace the gift of messy hands and faces, toys sprawled throughout the house, handprints on the glass doors, and slobbery kisses throughout the day. It really is a gift. Excited to read this book!
My biggest joy is when I witness my daughters showing compassion toward others. My biggest challenge is being present and patient.
My greatest challenge: Allowing my 11 year old son to become himself, which means becoming my independent…not wanting me around as much. My greatest joy: Allowing my 11 year old son to become himself…watching the beauty of who he is unfurl before my eyes.
My greatest joy right now is slowing down to see the sparkle in my young children’s eyes, amidst the chaos of raising young ones. It’s a special stage of their lives that will fly by soon.
Learning to let go of young adult children. Letting them make their own decisions while supporting them as they take their first steps in independence. They will make some mistakes, but didn’t we all? And remembering we raised them to be independent adults so it is a joy to watch them be their own person.
My greatest challenge is remembering that my girls are young women now. Although I feel as though they were born just yesterday, at 18 and 20, they were not. The mental adjustment continues.
The challenge is accepting the fact that I was misguided in thinking that having a stepchild in my life would = having a family. I was completely mistaken about this, only truly realizing it about 10 years in. The joy is that I’m increasingly at peace with making the best of the situation!
Great question! My biggest parenting challenge right now is having enough stamina to meet the daily needs of my 3 very active young boys while getting ready for the birth of my 4th son. Many days I feel so worn out I want to cry, but I know I have to keep going! There’s no stopping on this ride. 🙂
Learning to ride the highs and lows with equanimity and grace makes Motherhood a very challenging journey. I was given a Buddhist koan before the birth of my first child and it reads:
“The old pond
A jumping frog –
Plop!”
Wise words indeed – learning to remain calm amidst the Plop! is my greatest challenge!
Count me in! My greatest challenge is disciplining my 2 1/2 year old who does not understand that pushing is not an acceptable behavior even if she perceives her 7 month old brother is in danger!
Trying to keep communication lines open with my 14 year old daughter, finding things to do together ( she doesn’t want to do things with me like she used to), helping her find her path. It sure is tricky business!!
So many challenges to choose from raising a son with autism spectrum & anxiety disorder! Joy when he helps dry himself after a shower or shows flexibility.
Finding connected Family time, with teens/college ages. Dealing with Chronic illness in kids. Joys are plentiful as I watch them succeed in big and small things, be accepted to colleges, lead others and offer acts of kindness along the way. We can only try our best on this journey of Mother/Parent hood and hope that at least a small amount of what we offer is retained for future use. ” Nothing you do for children is ever wasted” Garrison Keillor”
My greatest challenge is having faith in our parenting. Reminding myself that I’m doing the best I can to prepare my three boys for what life can and may throw at them. Remembering to be fun, yet firm. Loving, not controlling.
My greatest joy today is watching my first grandchild grow and thrive due to the love and attention that my son and his wife are bestowing on their daughter. It is a blessing and a comfort to know that goodness has been passed on to another generation.
Greatest Joy: running hugs and knock down kisses from both my boys!
Greatest Challenge: how to stop the screaming?
My greatest challenge is my 10 year old son who has been getting in a lot of trouble with school and having a hard time controlling his temper. He’s my first born so everything he is going through is always new territory.
count me in
My greatest challenge is being present with my children while my ever-demanding to-do list runs through my head. My greatest joy is watching my children and noticing their growth in confidence and in accomplishments.
My greatest joy is having my tween hug me willfully again. She went through 2 years of barely giving me a shoulder bump – and now she’s back in my arms. I melt.
My greatest joy is getting to spend each day loving the precious little one-year-old who is our miracle after years of waiting.
count me in! someone once said “the days are long, and the years are short” and that sums up my motherhood experience with 2 sons, now 17 and 20. So much of what you write here, i can totally relate too. (to?) thank you!
My biggest challenge is feeling like I want to freeze my children in time, to hold on to their innocence and zest for everything they discover. My 3.5 yo got so excited yesterday when he saw buds on the trees and jumped up and down excitedly “it’s Spring, mama, it’s Spring.” I want to bottle that, keep it, bring it out when they don’t need me as much anymore.
I have a newborn so every moment is both a joy and a challenge. : )
My greatest challenge right now is living without my first born at home. He is away at college. My greatest joy is when I get to see him and give him a big hug! Thank you for letting me know about this new book. It looks like a good one!! Peace and joy to you!
My biggest joy these days is seeing how much my 18 year old daughter has matured during her 1st year in college. She went off to Amherst last August with a “know it all” outlook and returns now for home visits full of appreciation for both her father and I. I’m amazed and proud of how much she has grown in such a short time away.
At the same time I also facing my biggest challenge of motherhood right now in finding the strength, wisdom and patience to guide my 16 year old daughter who has been struggling with bad choices. Heartwarming joyful moments and heartbreaking challenging struggles, that’s what motherhood is all about.
My greatest challenge in motherhood right now, hmmm… I’d have to say, keeping my head screwed on straight as I attempt to juggle all of the responsibilities, needs, and wishes that go along with taking care of (and homeschooling!) a family with three young kids.
Motherhood Realized sounds like a wonderful book!
This collaboration sounds lovely! What could be better than coffee talk with friends between the covers of a book?
My greatest challenge right now is having to ride the testosterone waves surging at our house with two boys entering puberty simultaneously. My greatest joy is seeing how they still need their parents to calm and guide them when they are lost. No matter how they appear to push away they still want us within arm’s reach.
My greatest challenge in parenting has been the process of letting go.
My biggest challenge is letting them go. My oldest recently got married, my middle wants to go backpack through Europe and my baby is about to graduate college and head off to graduate school in a distant state. I am so proud of who they have become, but my head is spinning because it all happened so fast. The days are long, the years fly by.
Greatest challenge is also the greatest joy: maneuvering the slippery slope of an 18-year old, due to graduate in a few months, struggling with gaining independence and still needing us (and vice versa), all parties involved pushing each other away with one hand and holding on with the other. The joy is knowing this is normal….but still so frustrating nonetheless !!
My greatest parenting challenge right now is saying yes, with sincerity, a fluttery heart and a smile, to my 16 year old son who’s only focus is joining the US military upon his graduation from high school. I’m proud, anxious, exhilarated and frightened all at the same time. Parenting is a tough gig all around! Our children truly walk around with our hearts attached to them….and they don’t even know it yet! Thank you, Katrina, for your kind and thoughtful words that bring comfort across the miles.
My greatest joy is seeing my 3 sons starting their own adult lives – age almost 29 as a Navy pilot, age almost 25 as a beginning architect, and age almost 21 soon to begin his last year of college in Political Science and Sociology. Three different guys, three different and exciting paths ahead.
My biggest challenge is releasing the reins and letting them set out on their own.
What a wonderful journey it has been so far with my 3 sons!
First of all, thank you for this offer and secondly, I second what you said to this mother to be about how as soon as you learn how to deal with a particular situation or behavior, your child has moved onto the next stage. I often share this same sentiment with the new moms that I teach yoga to. My current challenge is my son whom I love very much. He is very smart but can be very difficult to parent. He has been diagnosed as ODD even though, I do not like diagnosis but am frustrated often by his challenging behavior. Thank you for sharing the Power of Moms site. I cried when I watched the video about the book. Sorry for my wordiness.
My oldest is about to graduate from college, my middle is in her first year of college, and my youngest a junior in high school. My current challenge is the same challenge I’ve had all along – how to support three very different children (now emerging adults!) without being either too anxious about their paths or too disengaged. Letting their journeys be their own journeys, without abandoning them. Knowing when I’m putting my own hopes and dreams for them ahead of theirs.
I am in such a bittersweet stage in my life. Our oldest daughter is married , graduated college and blessed us with our first grandchild. Huge blessing!! Our son is a freshman in college, making good grades and accomplishing his dreams by playing college baseball. Our youngest daughter is a freshman in high school and is a wonderful student & athlete. While all of these are auch wonderful blessings, I realize that the time has flown by and will continue to as the years go on. Our children have been our life and now we are getting to see the fruits of our labor come to fruition. Where do all of the years go? I guess time flies when you are having fun! I look at all of them and just have to stop and give praise to God for blessing us so richly with these three amazing young people that changed two peoples lives 26 wars ago.
We’re older parents of a daughter who recently turned 9. We have minor challenges compared to what other folks have on their plates and gratitude is my constant companion. Her joy is my joy and her unabashed love for us never ceases to amaze me. I dread the day the hugs and snuggles stop and when she’ll want to spend more time with friends than with us *sigh* but hope it’s not for a very long time. Thanks for sharing this book with us Katrina!
My greatest challenge is learning how to start letting go as my 9 and 13 year old grow more independent with each passing day. I’m definitely entering a new stage with both of them and that is both sad and exciting…bittersweet. I think I will relate with this book.
Greatest challenge? Patience and remaining calm when my buttons are being pushed and I seem to have a lot of buttons. Also remembering that I don’t need to shout to be heard.
Count me in as always! My greatest joy is watching my two year old dance to “Happy” by Pharrell Williams and admiring her curls. Two is my favorite age by far! 🙂
Count me in!
Biggest challenge is missing my three grown sons, married, living all over the country….so sad some days not to share more time with them
Count me in! My greatest challenge and joy is learning to let go and watching my son become a remarkable young man who is following his own path.
My greatest joy right now are the moments when my 2.5 year-old daughter is whole-heartedly full of joy and bursting with life.
My greatest joy is seeing my two children who are in their 20’s finding their places in this big world of ours. I am learning to listen and be present to them and to give advice if and when they ask, instead of reacting. I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude as I see qualities sparkle from them that I had prayed they would have as adults…compassion, empathy, time management, discipline, healthy eating and care for themselves and our world.
Biggest joy comes from the pride I feel when I am around my great kids!
Hi Katrina, As the only dude on a string of 183 and counting comments I’m just trying to sneak in on the group hug! I hope your West Coast trip was fantastic, I was down for the count with a cold and just came back from looking at colleges with my younger… those awesome and bittersweet moments that just keep coming. And to think how clearly I remember the swaddling. Happy Spring & Big Hugs
count me in, please!
My greatest challenge right now…. raising my oldest daughter how just turned 12… and my biggest joy tody and always.. being the mother of the three most amazing and beautiful girls in this planet!