I didn’t think it would hurt, to be rejected by a magazine. But, at age 54, I guess I should have learned that it takes a while to recover from unrequited love.
Apparently, according to the editors at O, I should also have my life figured out by now. I should know exactly who I am and what my work is here on this earth. Those thorny questions about meaning and destiny? “By the time you’re 40 or 42,” said Oprah in last Sunday’s New York Times, “you should have kind of figured that out already.”
Oprah is not happy about the fact that the average age of her reader is 49. Times are tough at the magazine, which has seen a decline in readers and advertisers since her talk show ended eighteen months ago. And it seems I am part of the problem, one of those aging hangers-on who still want to read articles with substance and depth about women’s health, finances, spirituality and personal fulfillment. Enough already!
At 58, Oprah is looking around at the rest of us (late) middle-aged women, the ones who came of age seeking and searching right along with her, and wishing we would quietly go away. She wants, she says, to attract women in “their 30s or perhaps 20s, to be able to reach people when they are looking to fulfill their destiny.”
So, I’ve let my mom know she doesn’t need to renew my Oprah subscription for Christmas this year. I’ve been faithful, a devoted fan of the magazine since its very first issue. (In fact, I wrote a few articles and essays for O in the early years, and have never missed an issue since.) But Oprah’s not one for sentiment, and now she wants to make sure we all get the message: it’s not really a relationship. “Ultimately,” she told the Times, “you have to make money, because you are a business.”
I get that. But still, in an unexpected way, it was painful to learn that my age makes me not only invisible but undesirable. And I’m certainly not going to moon around where I’m no longer wanted or appreciated for who I am: a woman who is still unfinished, still growing and changing, still asking big questions, still seeking and searching and reading.
The thing is, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. My friends and I may not look like a sexy demographic to the powers that be at O, but I think we are quite an interesting bunch. As I consider the women I know, I see a remarkable span of challenges and possibilities, from divorce, illness, and financial crises to new careers, revived passions, and ambitious creative endeavors. From thrilling new romantic relationships to adult children in need of support and elderly parents in need of care. From a new ability to say “no” to unwanted demands to renewed commitments to community service, friendships, and family.
My female friends in their forties and fifties are running companies, writing books, going on pilgrimages, passing the bar exam, recovering from a husband’s sudden death, taking up the cello, selling the family home, taking painting lessons, dealing with chronic illness, volunteering in a community garden, running marathons, taking religious vows. We are also making dinner, experimenting with new wrinkle creams, walking the dog, doing the laundry, going to yoga class, buying groceries and winter coats, reading books.
And what we all have in common is that the changes of midlife have invited or compelled each and every one of us to reinvent ourselves, to ask those “Who am I?” and “What now?” questions all over again, with just as much urgency and wonder as we brought to them in our twenties and thirties.
The difference is that we know now, in a way we couldn’t have possibly understood then, that time isn’t infinite. We’ve watched friends die, seen neatly ordered lives shattered by loss, close-knit families come unraveled, careers upended in a day. Knowing that my own steps are numbered, that whole chapters of my life have ended, that I’ve already lived more days than I have left ahead of me, I sometimes feel as if everything is up for re-examination, as if all my choices matter more. And yet, I still yearn to find my own true path and walk it –if anything, even more thoughtfully and deliberately than before.
Which makes me think maybe Oprah’s right after all. “You’re never going to run out of people who are looking for a more joyful life,” she says. And that is true. But I’ve also learned that life is complex, joy is fleeting, and there are no easy solutions. “Living my best life” these days is as much about being as doing, more about acceptance than pursuit, more about expressing gratitude for what is than about grasping for more. So perhaps I also need to acknowledge that the inspiration I’m looking for now probably isn’t going to be found in the pages of a slick women’s magazine fat with ad pages and geared to thirty-year olds. Maybe, Oprah, I’ve outgrown you, too.
Hey Katrina, it’s time for YOU and Steve to start the ‘Oprah’ magazine for the rest of us old timers (this, coming from a woman who turned 46 today and is totally okay with that!)
I think life is always evolving, until the day it evolves right back into the ground, and it’s never even one day too late to ‘live your best life’.
I’m with ya, sister! I plan to live the heck out of the end of my forties, whether Oprah wants to be a part of it or not. 🙂
Judy
justonefoot.com
“I think life is always evolving, until the day it evolves right back into the ground, and it’s never even one day too late to ‘live your best life’.”
Absolutely right, Judy. I’d only add that this is true for women and men in their 70s (I’m turning 75 in a few weeks), too (as long as they haven’t given up).
Just want to second that notion—I’d love to read a monthly or bimonthly magazine edited by Katrina!
Sounds to me as if Oprah’s turning her back on the women who’d rather hear from you anyway! Take it & run. (Or rather, write 🙂
Bravo!! (I’m standing and applauding)
Oprah Schmoprah. She’s a wonderful woman but she certainly doesn’t have all the answers. I am much more interested in the questions anyway.
You couldn’t pay me to be 20 again. I’d rather be old than poor and miserable and living on bagels.
Brilliant. And kudos for saying this.
I would love to read a magazine about those women who are on those journeys and asking those questions, especially those women who are older than me. I am 41, and I have been asking those questions and I am just starting to get answers, at least for this part of my journey! I would love to read a magazine about that, and Oprah isn’t one of them, not for me. I admired your post a lot!
WOW! I can tell you I’m in the same age group…still searching…still wanting to learn as much as possible about the journey. I am currently in the midst of huge life changes and truly relish learning about others on the same quest. Shame on anyone that dismisses and seemingly judges others based on their own lives. Does the word “stereotype” come to mind? I DO believe there is a HUGE need and opportunity to address our demographic and the challenges as well as victories we face. I can tell you I know many women that would love to tell their stories!
I’ve always been an Oprah fan but her magazine never really interested me. You are so wonderful it’s their loss. I turned 50 this year and my oldest daughter is a long ways away from home at college. There is an emptiness that I’m trying to figure out how to fill. I remember reading your first book when my kids were young and then your second book as I was anticipating my daughter leaving for college. I really connect with your words and appreciate you sharing your gift with all of us. I can’t wait to read your new book!
So true, so true…thank you for putting your thoughts into words! I”m 50 and you wrote exactly how I feel.
A beautiful expression of what so many of us think and feel. Thank you for sharing this important message.
Your voice comes through loud and clear
Hey we are busy celebrating the second half of our lives. We are energized and inspired. Oprah is missing the boat and my belief is Madison Avenue is driving that shift. Too bad. But there is no void. We BA50s have plenty of opportunities to make our voices heard. I love this piece.
Feluce shapiro founder. Betterafter50.com
you stand taller and more grounded than any of the women seeking publicity trough media.I see an assertion in this rejection….that you have a very strong identity …with the path you have taken. And there are many like me out there who feel an affinity with you ..because you are real and you give voice to our thoughts. An standing ovation for you for being who you are!
I loved this post Katrina! You are a damn good writer. In fact, Oprah should print your piece in her next issue!!
xoxoxosusan
I was going to write the exact same thing. Katrina your blog posts always ground me. I sincerely hope this piece is printed in the next issue of Oprah, then I’d start buying it again:)
I am disappointed in Oprah. She must have gone off course with her values and prior philosophies about what is important in life. She is a successful powerful person who seems to be struggling big time with the pressures of figuring out a network and being the juggernaut she once was. Poor Oprah don’t abandon the women who spent decades going on a journey with you, believing in you, loving and admiring you. I am canceling my subscription too. I suggest More magazine for middle aged women 40 plus… I actually have read this magazine since my thirties because I valued the substance and wisdom of the people featured in the magazine. Cheers to you, Katrina….
Katrina, one of the things that Anne Lamott was talking about two days ago is how, at 58, life is more interesting and more peaceful (for her) than it ever has been. She was saying, in essence, what you are saying here about this demographic.
Let’s start our own magazine, my friend.
Cannot wait to read your new book.
Love
b
How about a 75 year old woman cheering you all?!! I love Katrina Kenison’s books, and have the new one pre-ordered on Amazon. As we age, life provides new challenges and new answers – and always more questions! It does my heart good to know of the support and love shared by ALL women – doesn’t matter what age. I don’t follow Oprah closely – have read and enjoyed her magazine in the past. She, and we, need to face each day with courage and strength, looking to God for His direction and accepting what our lives teach us Blessings on you all!
Oprah should be ashamed. Katrina – you go girl! Your writing is far more relevant at any age and I’m thrilled that your new book coincides with my golden anniversary on this earth. Can’t wait to read it!
Thank you, Katrina, for your thoughtful reply to Oprah’s latest move.
I’m no business whiz, but it seems to me that, in addition to insulting and irritating the very women who made her empire what it is, Oprah also seems to be overlooking the fact that women in their 40s and 50s are often in a better financial position to afford the products and fashion her magazine features. I am a fan of the magazine myself, but I know that I could not afford many of the goods she recommends when I was eating Kraft dinner every night!
As a 51 year old who is in the midst of radical changes this year – telling the painful truth in therapy, participating in retreats, reading non-fiction with a vengeance, writing a book, graduating from college in four short weeks, opening a new business – WE are the age group the 20 and 30 year old’s SHOULD be looking at. My mom always says she has a PhD in life. Don’t we…
I agree with Susan & Lou Ann ~ this would make a terrific article IN Oprah’s magazine – although I suspect it won’t happen.
Gorgeous piece, Katrina.
Love, light & blessings!
Hey Katrina,
I’m 38, still in the Oprah demographic and I learned more about myself, mothering and my stage in life from your book than I ever have from Oprah. Her magazine seems self-absorbed and appealing to people who always have issues. Why must we be ‘Happier’, why must we be more ‘enlightened’ – why can’t we just love ourselves the way we are, issues and all?
AMEN!!
Thank you! Still searching and I. AM. OLD(er).
Katrina, what a powerful article. I will read and reread. Thanks for leaving the mark. I’m 50 and feeling lot you have mentioned in your article. Thank you!
Wow!!.. I had not read that New York Times article and this is actually the first Im hearing of the comment Oprah made. I am terribly disappointed as I always enjoyed the magazine. I actually have the December one with all of her favorite things on my desk as I write. to be honest this particular copy did bother me.
As I was looking at all of her “favorite” things that she gives away the prices were absolutely ridiculous. I could not afford them but then again I am 53…I dont have a career…I stopped working to raise my son and then care for my aunt who died of leukemia in 2006 and my mom who just passed away at 93 this past February 23rd…Im guessing those put together younger ladies who she is helping get careers can relate better. Im sticking with all of you ladies. As I said I am 53 and stare at a fork in the road every morning….I so do not have my direction yet but am working on it….I began a website while caring for my mom…im an amateur with a hobby….I actually a while back put a link of you on my website Katrina….I have been a fan for a long time….thanks for sharing this news….I wrote on thanksgiving that it is not about wrapped gifts….at our ages I think we know the true gifts are love, laughter and good friends….you are wonderful….great piece….would love if you could read my blog from thanksgiving…50plusstickingtogether.com….click on blog….these truly are the best days of our lives ladies….xoxoxoxoxo….we are 50 somethings….we are a great demographic as far as I am concerned…..aside from her favorite things I always loved the articles…I actually thought it was a bright, fun magazine…im so incredibly disappointed to hear this news:(
You go, girl! I’m 64 and growing and changing. I love this quote by Antonio Machado: ‘Beyond living and dreaming there is something more important: waking up.’
Maybe our purpose in life is gently nudging others to wake up…which is a new experience over and over, whenever we muster the courage.
Amen, Katrina. I agree with everyone who has already commented. And I have to say that the kind of writing I’m craving these days is exactly the kind of writing that I found between the covers of Magical Journey. I can’t wait for it to be out in the world.
I am 43 and feel like I am just beginning my journey to “figure it all out!” And I second what Sara above said…you have taught me more, brought me to the place I needed to be, reminded me of what is important, settled me down with a level of contentedness more than anything else I’ve ever read.
Katrina,
Perhaps Oprah needs to take some of her old advice and look inward and re evaluate her success. From what I understand she isn’t having much success with her network or magazine. Perhaps she needs to look inward and do other things and grow in a different way other than through outward success. She has already been as successful as a person can get. Maybe her life is whispering to her to do something else as it is not working.
Funny, but I already decided back in the fall not to re new my subscription, it just wasn’t enough anymore. It became superficial to me, maybe like Oprah herself? Not sure, just a thought.
We are also making dinner, experimenting with new wrinkle creams, walking the dog, doing the laundry, going to yoga class, buying groceries and winter coats, reading books.
ah, this is so me and I love my life – thank you very much Oprah!
Well said Katrina.
Thanks for clarifying for me. I was also a big fan of Oprah’s magazine; loved taking it on the plane when traveling. However, for the past year or so I’ve been disappointed with every issue. Either the articles have gotten more shallow and predictable or I’ve just “moved on”. Women in our demographic want substance. We’ve lived and learned; we want beauty, simple elegance, wisdom, inspiration. Oprah’s not going to provide it. I thank her for the time we spent together and am glad there are writers like you to begin filling the void!
Oprah’s totally kidding herself if she thinks “O” magazine is going to appeal to a twenty-year-old. Then again, what do I know…at age 42, I’m clearly out of her target demographic.
I do know, though, that YOU speak to me in ways that Oprah never has, and for that I am grateful!
I think you’re right on the money. I stopped subscribing to O a few years back because I found very little in it to relate to. Thank you for an excellent article….the timing is ripe for a new publication that address’s these issues….the audience is out there ….I’m just shy of 70 and once again reinventing myself. Just started taking yoga classes three times a week and love it!
You go, girl! Dare Oprah to give you a voice. You’ve got legions of exciting, evolving women at your back!
It made me a bit sad to learn that O Magazine isn’t going to keep on growing with those of us who are now older than their target market. I ditto the suggestion that you create a new publication just for us, Katrina!
I’m with you on this one! I used to love Oprah’s magazine but it started to feel a bit young for me. I also felt that the blatant consumerism that’s touted is counter to the magazine’s goal of helping people fulfill their destiny. We all know that “stuff” won’t make you happy, so why are they so interested in pushing products on us?
This came across my radar today – I don’t know you, your books or your blog (until now)… but I am in the same boat! I am 54, have a 10 year old boy – was a single Mom when he turned 1 – met my now husband at 50 – and am on my 3rd and perhaps not my last career. So, I’m not rolling over yet and feel a little hurt too that Oprah of all people would cast us aside! @#$%! Oprah 🙂
Standing and applauding in my office!
I’m in my mid-thirties and I’ve never read Oprah’s magazine. And I now have a reason never to do so.
I’m not sure why she thinks that her name and her face on the front of a magazine (and her views inside) even appeals to a twenty- or thirty-something woman. I grew up listening to her on TV and frankly I’ve already had enough of her opinion.
Being turned down just validates what I have thought for years about Oprah. She is out of touch and superficial. I love YOUR work. When my boys were small, I read and reread Mittenstrings long ago and still love it. Recently I have rediscovered you and am anxious to read your newest work in January. As my oldest son is now a sophomore in college and two more younger sons in high school, you so eloquently describe where I am at. I feel like you are once again reading my mind. It is wonderful to read these comments. It is so uplifting. Have a beautiful weekend!
After all you’ve learned then, and all you’ve seen and done, its a good thing you’re not bitter.
I’m so sorry to hear this response from the Oprah Magazine. It seems to reflect our culture’s value of youth over maturity. But watch out, because the “baby boomers” are older now & will change these youth oriented mindsets. Keep writing!
I’ve just been “introduced” to you by a good friend and I’m glad she made the introduction. What you’ve written here just went “zing” to my soul. I outgrew Oprah awhile ago because for some time now I’ve felt she was “pretending”. It seemed to me that she wanted “more”, more from the “fountain of youth” and those of us in the mature women category just don’t cut it for her any longer.
Brava, Katrina, brava! At 51.5, I’m still searching and hope I always will be. I’ve been noodling this for awhile – perhaps it’s time for a new magazine! Poor Oprah…
It sounds as if Oprah is turning her back on the women who supported her from the beginning, and all in the name of money — shame on her!
I stumbled on your website and Facebook page through a link on Margaret Roach’s Facebook page. I have read The Gift of an Ordinary Day several times — love your writing style and your reflections on life. I am looking forward to your new book and to exploring your website posts.
Grandma Moses raised ten children and did not even BEGIN her painting career until she was 75. I am 42 and she is my inspiration. The older I get the more I realize how much I DON’T have it all figured out. When I was younger I thought I did. That is dangerous and I am grateful I don’t think that way anymore. You are such a wonderful writer, Katrina!
I have read your books. I have been following you for a few years now. You have moved me, inspired me, given me courage and guidance in a very personal and real way. I adore you. I’m sorry about Oprah. Sadly, it is her readers very huge loss. Can hardly wait for the new book. Thank you so much.
I am so much more “alive” and living life on my terms now than when you and I went to milford high school together. I am constantly reinventing myself, having reached the age where my opinion of myself is the only one that truly matters. Oprah appears to be denying her own age. I choose to embrace it. Being over 50 is fun!
Gosh…I am disappointed in OW…I thought she was the end all be all of always growing as a person…didn’t realize there was an age limit on that! I am 61 and still feel I learn more about myself every day. I love learning new things and hope I never have the mind set that I have learned it all and have it all figured out…how dull would that life and mind set be!!
Katrina, I couldn’t agree with you more about Oprah and her magazine!! How craszy is it for a woman who touts herself as empowering for all women to discount all over 40? I guess ending her show & starting her Oxygen network later in life doesn’t mean she wasn’t wholly formed by 35… My favorite observation of yours is that “if I knew then what I know now” part– that, as older women, we are much better able to deal with and appreciate all the changes and challenges life throws our way. I, for one, embrace every phase of life, not just the one before 40. I want to chew on every part of life and savor each moment! Keep up the good work.
Love, Marian
I’m 30 … so I should read O … ? No thank you. Never read the magazine and don’t want to. I’ve understood the whole ‘money-business’ behind Oprah already a long time ago. I think her way of acting doesn’t match the way she talks. It’s all a mask, all a play … it’s not real. She wants to, I think, but there’s to much pressure of the money and the business.
In Belgium (where I live) we call it superficial.
“Walk the talk” we would say to her. :o)
Love your post Katrina. You have my mother’s age and she is the most wise and beautiful woman I know. Women that are older than us, should be more in the media, cause they can be a very good example for us to learn from.
xxx
Thanks Katrina. i too have enjoyed Oprah over the years but your words have brought so much more to my life. I would love to see a magazine by you! i can imagine it now. Print, online, iPad making women think about what is truly important. and I have followed you for long enough that i know you would stay committed to the concept and not turn your back on the very audience that has been with you from the beginning. I picture it like this, http://blog.seeingtheeveryday.com/, but with more writing in it.
If you ever decide to branch out, I’d love to be part of something so meaningful!
Warmest,
Helen
What a beautiful thing to say about your mother. You have encouraged me as a mother of five to be that in their eyes. You must have a lovely mother, she has raised a lovely daughter.
Debbie
I just found you on Huffington Post and I’m impressed with your thoughts and how you’ve expressed them.
I completely agree with you. At 56, I am changing and growing and letting go of lots of things in my life and perhaps even a little bit of Oprah.
I live in California but will attempt to attend your February lecture in La Canada Flintridge.
Carry on–you are right on target!
Oh my goodness….I SO enjoyed reading this post. I echo your thoughts exactly! I’m one of those 40-something gals who have finally settled into my own skin, have a better idea of who I am and what I’m here for.
Just last year, I published my book, also published in Victoria Magazine and now I’m publishing my OWN Christian women’s magazine and loving it! We’re not done accomplishing until God says we are. Until then, LIVE!
Many Blessings,
Debbie
christianwomensvoice.org
I hope I am ALWAYS “a woman who is still unfinished, still growing and changing, still asking big questions, still seeking and searching and reading”. Can’t wait to read your new book.
Sure – show me any one, at any age who is not still “discovering” things and progressing yet another day on their journey. I wish I had it all figured out at 41; then the past 8 years would not have had some of the struggles and bumps.
I, for one, enjoy learning something more each day than I knew yesterday. I am looking forward to my 50’s with more wisdom than ever. That being said, my 60’s will be even wiser because I certainly have plenty left to learn!
At 43, I’m just honing in on the questions and craving my life’s meaning. When I was 20, I thought I had all the answers. Then when I was 30, I had a young family hence no time or energy left to ask any questions.
I gave up on Oprah years ago. She has become just a brand…albeit a powerful, wealthy one, and now a whiney one too.