Last week, I wrote about wholeheartedness, a word that truly seemed to pick me, rather than the other way around, for 2012. On New Year’s Day, my last morning at Kripalu, having accepted my word, I decided that I would simply allow myself to live into it.
Moment by moment, I would try to do the loving thing, whatever that might be. Instead of second guessing myself, worrying about what might happen next, or trying to come off a certain way, I would set my foot down firmly on the side of love over fear. And so, at the risk of being the one who loves more, I sat down and wrote a note to a friend, just to say, “you are important to me.” At the risk of being silly, I emailed my husband to tell him I love him, as much when we’re apart as when we’re together. At the risk of seeming mushy, I let my son Henry know how much it meant to me that he was willing to spend the New Year’s weekend eating brown rice and doing yoga with his mom, instead of hanging out with his friends.
Back at home, I made dinner for the family, lit the candles, held my kids’ hands as we said grace together, and, at the risk of appearing vulnerable, allowed my full heart to overflow. The next morning, Henry and Steve left early for the airport and Henry’s flight back to Minnesota, and I went hiking, arriving at the top of Pack Monadnock in time to watch the sun come up. Standing there alone on the top of a wind-whipped mountain at dawn, overcome by a sense of awe at the vastness and beauty of this world, I also realized that I felt more connected to myself than I have in a long while, a little more at ease in my skin and a little more accepting of the raw intensity of my own emotions.
“Wholehearted,” it seemed, wasn’t really a resolution I had to keep. In fact, it felt more like a choice, one I could make moment to moment, a way of inhabiting my life that feels akin to faith. Faith that life is already good, faith that I already have what I need, faith that I’m enough as I am, faith that things are just fine as they are, and faith that, no matter what the circumstance and even when I don’t have a clue what to do, the loving thing is always my best bet. What a relief. And what a revelation. I kind of thought I’d just invented a whole new concept: Wholeheartedness!
I went home and had breakfast with my son Jack, and then I sat down to write a blog about Wholeheartedness. Within a few hours of posting it, as I read through the thoughtful, generous comments on this site and on Facebook, I learned, of course, that there is already an entire Wholehearted Living movement afoot — and that I’m just one more latecomer to the wholehearted conversation.
No matter. I am happy to be here, thrilled to jump in and learn more, to share what I discover, and to encourage you, too, in the words of Wholeheartedness pioneer Brene Brown, to “let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.”
I have just finished reading Brene’s wonderful book, “The Gifts of Imperfection” and can’t recommend it highly enough. My own copy is full of folded pages and underlined passages.
A passage about courage particularly resonates with me. The root of “courage” is cor, Latin for “heart.” And in one of its earliest forms the word “courage” meant something very different than it does today. Courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling one’s whole heart.” This, I realize, is what is required of all writers. It’s how I want to live. It’s how I want to be in relationship with the people I love. And, well, speaking and writing honestly about who we really are and what we’re really feeling is scary stuff. “Ordinary courage,” Brene suggests, “is about putting our vulnerability on the line.”
Brene’s TED talk on vulnerability and worthiness was one of the top ten TED talks of 2011. Pour yourself a cup of tea, treat yourself to a twenty-minute break, and give it your wholehearted attention. And make sure to visit her terrific blog, Ordinary Courage, where, as it turns out, she writes this week about the word that found her for 2012.
Elisabeth Lesser’s book “Broken Open” is a wholehearted manual for living through difficult times. Given to me by a dear friend two years ago, when I was going through a difficult time of my own, it has remained my go-to book when I need to be reminded that every challenge I face makes me stronger, that suffering enlarges my heart, that a “whole” life includes both light and dark, joy and sorrow, emptiness and fullness. “So often,” Lesser writes, we “tune out the call of the soul. Perhaps we fear what the soul would have to say about choices we have made, habits we have formed, and decisions we are avoiding. Perhaps if we quieted down and asked the soul for direction, we would be moved to make a big change. Maybe that wild river of energy, with its longing for joy and freedom, would capsize our more prudent plans, our ambitions, our very survival. Why should we trust something as indeterminate as a soul? And so we shut down.”
As I struggle to write a book I feel uncertain about, agree to speaking engagements that make my knees shake despite being months away, and wonder what, exactly, my nearly grown children still need from me and how to give it to them, I remind myself that nothing really needs to be as complicated as I make it. I don’t have to change who I am, I simply have to be who I am. I can tune in to the call of my soul. I can live wholeheartedly. I can embrace the gift of imperfection. I can do the loving thing and trust that love really is enough.
I am seriously thinking about creating a Wholehearted Playlist; when I do, I’ll share it. Meanwhile, here’s the song I’ve played a couple of times every single day since January 1, just to remind me of who I really am – and of how a really great song can set the tone for an entire day. Have a listen to Girish’s “Diamonds in the Sun,” definitely my song for 2012.
What piece of music says “wholehearted” to you? Leave a comment here – or, better yet, a suggestion for the Wholehearted Playlist — and you may win a copy of Brene Brown’s “The Gifts of Imperfection.” I would love to share her work with all of you, but since I can’t do that, I’ll choose two names at random after midnight on January 16 to receive the books.
Here’s to singing our song in this new year, wholeheartedly!
I am a professional musician, a cellist, and I an sucked into and give myself up to the second movement of Beethoven Symphony #7. It makes me whole and the tonality resonates in me on an almost cellular level. I almost always cry when playing it in concert. I surrender myself into it and come out at the other end a different person and musician than when it started. This is, for me, part of the power of music: to move you, to make you whole and a part of something way bigger than yourself. You have to approach music making as a process of giving yourself up to a composer’s idea wholeheartedly. I am so sorry that most of you cannot experience what we do.Playing in a symphony orchestra is one of the great joys of my life and I am grateful that I have been able to have the long career that I have had. Recreating the music of the masters, both old and contemporary, keeps us connected.There is no substitute for live music, it is as close as you can get to humanity on a purely emotional level. Both audience and musicians can communicate and respond on a level beyond language. In an ideal situation, both commit to the other wholeheartedly. That is when the magic truly happens!
I love the image of you on that mountaintop, watching the sun come up. I can feel the awe and emotion that overcame you myself. I have been a Brene fan for years and am so happy to see her mentioned here. I particularly love that her 2012 word is the same as mine (and that it foisted itself on her, unbidden, much the way mine did on me).
As always, you are an inspiration and you make me feel less alone in this brilliant, terrifying world. Thank you.
xox
Yes. This is right. And very happy new year, dear Katrina.
This morning during yoga, my teacher played Louis Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World, and I thought of my father, who died four years ago, and tears sprang to my eyes. This was a beautiful post, Katrina, thank you. My word for 2012 is “grow.” Happy new year!
This song makes me cry everytime I hear it. Being a mom of young children, I often pray to enjoy and savour every moment with them. And I often fail at that task. This song reminds and encourages me to see life for what it really is–a sacred blessing–and to reach out and embrace it with both hands.
Selah–Moments like These
I’m glad you’re trying to listen to your soul more–I need to work on that. I watched Brene’s video a year ago, and it still has stayed with me. She’s awesome.
“Do the loving thing and trust that love is really enough.” Thanks so much for this reminder; I’m still rolling the words “trust” and “choice” around in my head – one of these two will be my word for 2012!
I’ve become a huge fan of Francesca Battistelli…her songs always assist me in staying focused on living wholeheartedly. My three favorites: Free to Be Me, I’m Letting Go, and This is the Stuff.
Ah this post is kismet! I was just thinking about getting Brene’s book and my therapist just recommended “Broken Open” to me and I’ve been thinking about a word to define/navigate the coming year. I’ve not settled yet, but I feel many transformations are afoot so am leaning towards ‘transformation’. I really don’t want to change, I just want to give myself the space to allow a transformation into my highest self. We shall see.
Whenever I hear “Celebrate Me Home” tears spring to my eyes. It reminds me of high school and trying to connect spiritually to this life. It reminds me of coming home, on every level and in so many settings since the first time I heard it.
I love the TED talk and would welcome the opportunity to read further.
Thanks for the wonderful company on this journey.
Happy New Year to you! Thank you so much for always be so real and helping us make ourselves better. My wholeheartedness song is “Blessed Be the name of the Lord.”
I love this practice of wholeheartedness. I read Brene’s book and saw the Ted Talk (Rolf showed it to us this spring) and I have a feeling the image of you on the mountaintop is going to be the one that stays with me. … may the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all …
“Full Force Gale” by Van Morrison. Moves me everytime I hear it.
This post is truly inspiring. As a new mom its a constant struggle to be everything for everyone. But the reality is I just need to be me and enjoy being me.
Wilco’s “What Light” That was my theme song/mantra for last year. I love this song!
Happy New Year, Katrina!
I love that song, Diamonds in the Sun, and just played it at the yoga class I taught tonight. It is my wholehearted song, too, and has been since I saw Girish playing it in Joshua Tree last April. Everyone of us, shines!
Blessings,
Colleen
My “Wholeheartedness” song is “Wind Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler. It may be an odd choice to some, but when my son’s 3rd grade class all sang the song for Mother’s Day … it was so very special. All the children stood outside in the sunshine on the school steps, holding BIG tissue paper butterflies that they had made, and sang so sweetly for all their mothers. I was a single, working mother and had rushed from work to see the “special surprise” they had planned. I was stressed and tired, but when I heard their song I felt so appreciated. I know I don’t have to mention that there were tears in everyone’s eyes that morning!! ♥
I just want to say that as the mother of two sons in college, ages 21 and 19 (the youngest is studying jazz music performance), I feel such a connection with you through your beautiful writing.
The song that says ‘wholeheartedness” to me is Santana’s Europa (Earth’s Cry/Heaven’s Smile). I believe music is a way to pray without words and this song touches the depths of my soul. I agree with a previous poster that both the musician and listener can communicate and respond on a level beyond language…the music becomes a truly spiritual connection.
Thank you for sharing your gift with all of us.
I always feel as though I am sitting with a friend whenever I read your blog…thank you for all that you share with us! My brother just started a blog where he poses six questions; one of the questions is “for your biographical film, what song should play during the closing credits?” it just so happens that the answer I gave is also my wholeheartedness song: “How You Live” by Point of Grace
Happy New Year!
My best suggestion for the wholehearted playlist would be Blackbird by the Beatles. It always reminds me to live life… to fly…we are always waiting for this moment to arrive.
Wholeheartedness. I am going to steal it too and use it! The way you wrote about living what that word means…resonated with me. I am going to walk a marathon for arthritis research this year, my 50th year, in memory of my mom who died from the effects of the disease. Your words help the heart sing and allows the fear to take a back seat. Thank you!
Carol King’s “Beautiful” sings “wholehearted” to me and should definitely earn a spot on your playlist.
Listen to her lyrics:
You’ve got to get up every morning with a smile on your face
And show the world all the love in your heart
Then people gonna treat you better
You’re gonna find, yes, you will
That you’re beautiful as you feel
Waiting at the station with a workday wind a-blowing
I’ve got nothing to do but watch the passers-by
Mirrored in their faces I see frustration growing
And they don’t see it showing, why do I?
I have often asked myself the reason for THE sadness
In a world where tears are just a lullaby
If there’s any answer, maybe love can end the madness
Maybe not, oh, but we can only try
I practice and teach Yoga and I love Brene Brown. She takes what the anciet Yogic texts teach us and puts it in modern day terminology for the everyday person living in these times to understand. “I now see that cultivating a Wholehearted life is not like trying to reach a destination. It’s like walking toward a star in the sky. We never really arrive, but we certainly know that we’re heading in the right direction.” ~~ Brene Brown
Your writings touch my soul … I absolutely relate to your thoughts and words — I often feel you have opened my soul and you are reading what is written there to me! I have read your book and shared it with anyone that will listen. I have also read Elisabeth Lesser’s book and it was so beautiful and so needed at a VERY difficult time in my life. It certainly gave me tools to continue working through so much. All I can say to you is thank you for your courage, insight and sharing your wholeheartedness with all of us.
Here’s to wholeheartedness with a lower-case w! We don’t have to reinvent ourselves after all!
Thank you for introducing me to Brene Brown! I love her talk on TED. Thank you also for your great guiding blog. Thankfulness is my word for 2012.
Brene Brown got me on the “wholehearted” train earlier this year, and your writing about it is beautiful. One of my suggestions for the playlist is “Morning has Broken”… I like Cat Stevens’ (now Yusuf Islam) version, as well as several of the songs on his “Footsteps in the Dark” album.
Wholehearted–the word keeps coming up in my mind over and over again on a daily basis. I join you as a latecomer to the wholeheartedness movement. Thank you for recommending Brene Brown’s book. I would love to win it and if not, I’ll surely purchase it. I read the excerpts and can’t wait to read more. Thanks to you I did the 29-day giving challenge and have linked up with many inspiring blog sites. Your gifts just keep coming–thank you!
I suggest Holy Now by Peter Mayer for the Wholehearted playlist and LOVE the playlist idea.
I look so forward to receiving your blogs in my email. I had never heard of Brene until today, and so watched her Ted talk. I can definately relate to that woman! So thank you.
My song would be The Prayer sung by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli.
Perhaps it’s more of a zeitgeist thing, wholeheartedness spontaneously and contemporaneously arising out of the whole heart that ALL we are, as Jill Bolte Taylor learns in the midst of her Stroke of Insight (another TED voice).
As for the playlist…
Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love
From Dance Me To The End of Love by Leonard Cohen
So many songs…love this idea for a playlist. A Living Prayer by Alison Krauss is a favorite as is a newer song – Do Everything by Steven Curtis Chapman. Shower the People by James Taylor is always a reminder worth listening to and as I near my daughter’s due date, I’ve really been enjoying “I Get to be the One” by JJ Heller. Thanks for these reflections on Wholeheartedness Katrina. As we wait on baby #2 to arrive, it’s a wonderful reminder to soak up some wonderful and tender moments with our two and a half year old. Blessings to you in the new year.
I’m so glad you found Brene’ and her incredible book. I’ve given away many copies and recommend it, oh – about once a day, to someone. It’s a life changer. Perhaps it will change the world…
Thanks so much for highlighting it here. And I believe you have been living wholeheartedly for far longer than a couple weeks, Katrina!
The TED talk hit spot on! How easy it is to be vulerable when sitting alone with my dog and the computer…a morning cry! I have one friend whom I am like this with most of the time…almost 100% and I strive to push into the rest of my life this theme of wholeheartedness or authencity – accepting who I am. It’s hard! Thanks for the book recommendations too – I have been reading your blog for a few months now and it is amazing to me the timing of your posts and the theme.
My song – don’t laugh – “Rainbow Connection” by the Muppets. It is one a friend of mine and myself chose as our theme song for a seminar years and years ago when we had to have a positive, uplifting song to play in our heads when negativity (from in OR outside ourselves) got to you. It still makes me smile and still lifts me up, years later.
Enjoy your day!
Hello, Thank you for another beautiful and thought-provoking essay. A playlist is a terrific idea! When it comes to wholeheartedness, I had to turn to country music where I found “The Dance” by Garth Brooks. It is a sensational song about not knowing “the way it all would end” and being grateful because he “could have missed the pain” but then he “would have had to miss the dance.” The song reminds me to have faith and enjoy the love with all my heart since I don’t know what will happen, but I do know that I have this glorious moment to cherish. All the best.
One of my favorite songs is Forever Young by Rod Stewart. It never fails to lift my spirits. I would love a copy of Brene’s book and look forward to the publication of your new one.
This is a lovely post. Thanks for the wholeheartedness you put forth in your blog. My pick for the playlist would have to be “Go Where Love Goes” from Andrea Bocelli’s cd, ANDREA. It is a duet with Holly Stell.
‘Desperado’ by the Eagles. I sob when I hear it because being vulnerable and living wholeheartedly doesn’t hurt, it helps 🙂
This post makes me so happy! I gave The Gifts of Imperfection as a Christmas gift to my girlfriends in 2010. And when I was reviewing Hand Wash Cold by Karen Maezen Miller last year on goodreads.com I wrote:
“You know when it feels like everything you come across is conspiring to tell you the same message? I feel like Brene Brown, Katrina Katison and Karen Maezen Miller have formed some sort of superhero tribunal that will change the world through their readers.
And yet the book isn’t anything like that, isn’t one of those “stand up and change your life or the world” reads, but more of a wake-up and see the world in front of you” And what could be more life changing than that!
Now it seems you all do know each other! I’ve learned so much from each of your books.
And my wholehearted song, of late, is “The Most” by Lori McKenna:
My life is pieces of paper that I’ll get back to later
I’ll write you a story, how I ended up here.
And how the little things make us, and how long it takes us
To figure out what matters the most . . .
emiliana torrini : birds
Silly me! I just commented on your previous post, but if I read on to this one I would have realized you were ahead of me. You have already discovered Brene and her work. I’m so glad and after reading your first one on Wholeheartedness I knew you would connect with her immediately. I will try to catch up on your postings so I know what I am talking about before I comment!
Hello, Hope it is not too late to share another possibility for the wholeheartedness playlist. Turning to a female country artist-Lee Ann Womack and a beautiful song (and video with her lovely children) called, “I Hope You Dance.” The words urge us to look at life through our whole heart because, “if you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.” Perhaps through life. All the Best.
Would like to post one more song for your Wholeheartedness playlist…the beautiful jazz ballad “A Child is Born” by Thad Jones.