{"id":3300,"date":"2014-01-18T17:43:47","date_gmt":"2014-01-18T22:43:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.katrinakenison.com\/?p=3300"},"modified":"2014-01-18T17:43:47","modified_gmt":"2014-01-18T22:43:47","slug":"dear-older-love-old","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/dear-older-love-old\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Older (Love, Old)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"sonataThis is the first in a series of letters between me and my friend, author\u00a0Margaret Roach<\/strong><\/a>, on the challenges (and joys!) of aging. I’m Old (just 55) and she’s Older (facing 60 this year). Who knows where it\u2019s going, but since the subject keeps coming up, and we\u2019re both writers\u2026well, you get the idea. Listen in. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

D<\/span>ear Old(er),<\/span><\/p>\n

Yesterday afternoon, I spritzed on a bit of Sonata<\/strong><\/a>, and then I drove downtown to the lawyer\u2019s office and signed my last will and testament.<\/p>\n

I can tell you, seeing those words next to my own name at the top of the page was pretty strange \u2013 about as stark a reminder as I\u2019ve had that, yes, the day will come when I won\u2019t be here.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s funny how I can get so caught up in the minutiae of\u00a0 my everyday life \u2013 the emails that need answers, the dishes in the sink, the bills on the desk, my annoyance at someone I can\u2019t change or at something beyond my control \u2013 that I lose sight of the big things.<\/p>\n

Such as the fact that although time and space are infinite, I am not.\u00a0 No matter how I spend it, my own time will run out. There aren\u2019t too many absolute truths in life, but this is one: nothing lasts, not even me.<\/p>\n

Which is why I got up this morning and helped myself to another generous spray of Sonata, the nicest perfume I\u2019ve ever owned (handcrafted at a tiny perfumery in Maine using all natural ingredients) and the only one I\u2019ve ever loved.<\/p>\n

The perfume was a Christmas gift from my dad.\u00a0 Five<\/i> years ago.\u00a0 As you can see from the photo, the bottle is still full.\u00a0 Yep. In five years, I\u2019ve allowed myself to use my favorite perfume exactly twice.\u00a0 Both occasions were formal weddings, so I felt they justified a bit of extravagance:\u00a0 dressy necklace, expensive perfume.<\/p>\n

M<\/span>y husband is all about \u201cgetting things done\u201d and I\u2019m pretty good at tackling essential stuff myself.\u00a0 But the two of us have had \u201cget a will\u201d on our marital to-do list for years, one of those multi-step tasks that neither of us ever quite got a grip on.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally (inspired by you, my dear, after that scolding you gave me over dinner the last time I came to visit), I said, \u201cOk, I\u2019ll <\/i>do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

I found a lawyer in town, we filled out a questionnaire, added up the assets, had a meeting, considered who we\u2019d like to appoint to say \u201cpull the plug\u201d if we\u2019re both near death or incapacitated, read various drafts of all the bits and pieces, and signed pages of documents.<\/p>\n

Getting this project wrapped up was a good way to begin the new year. There\u2019s some relief in knowing if we go down in a plane crash we won\u2019t leave a mess behind. And it pleases me to think we\u2019ll have something to pass on to our boys. But the whole process has started me thinking.<\/p>\n

In a funny way, confronting the inescapable truth of my own future death makes me see how silly and pointless it is hold on to anything.\u00a0 The old clich\u00e9 is true: you can\u2019t take it with you<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So why, I wonder, would I keep a bottle of perfume I love on my dresser for half a decade, rather than allow myself the simple pleasure of wearing it?<\/p>\n

(I\u2019m remembering my grandmother here, who kept her lampshades wrapped in the plastic they arrived in, and her couch swathed in plastic, too, and her candles wrapped and unused in their candlesticks \u00a0— where they remained, never lit, until the day she had to leave her house and most of her possessions and move into a nursing home.)<\/p>\n

Well, I\u2019ve just had a little tour of my own house, taking stock.<\/p>\n

And if I don\u2019t change my ways, I could follow in my grandmother\u2019s footsteps. There are a couple of bottles of good wine in the pantry (gifts — too expensive to drink).\u00a0 There\u2019s the china espresso cup my mom gave me \u2013lovely and delicate; too fragile to use.\u00a0 There are $5o worth of L.L. Bean coupons about to expire on my desk, and a credit for some ancient, long-forgotten return at Pottery Barn.\u00a0 Every time I think of using them, I convince myself I should save them, for something I might need someday<\/i>.<\/p>\n

I have a seven-year-old gift certificate for a pedicure at a spa that may or may not be in business anymore, and a two-year-old gift certificate for a facial at another (too busy to use them; and I don\u2019t need<\/i> a pedicure or a facial.) In my closet:\u00a0 the jeans I rarely wear, though they fit perfectly, because they are too nice for everyday. Sweaters I take out of storage each fall and put back in boxes in the spring \u2013 because they\u2019re too dressy for around the house.\u00a0 Bras and underpants too pretty for an ordinary weekday. (So, each morning I pull on the old frayed ones instead.) Earrings and necklaces and shoes for \u201cgoing out,\u201d which I hardly ever do.<\/p>\n

In the kitchen:\u00a0 the \u201cgood\u201d glasses, which gather dust in the cupboard; the silver from Steve\u2019s mom, neatly packed away; the tablecloth that\u2019s too nice to put on the table, the cloth napkins that are only for company.\u00a0 (I keep washing and folding the old, stained napkins.\u00a0 .\u00a0 .)<\/p>\n

Do you do this, too, or is it just me?<\/p>\n

I wonder if I save the best things because I\u2019m afraid there won\u2019t ever be any more of them coming my way?\u00a0 Or (even more unsettling to consider): because I think my everyday life isn\u2019t special enough — that I\u2019m<\/i> not special enough — to really deserve them.<\/p>\n

Well, my friend, I\u2019m ready to use them all.<\/p>\n

So, I\u2019m wondering: could we make a little pact, you and I — to help each other keep our saving-for-a-rainy-day tendencies in check?<\/p>\n

Instead of\u00a0 squirreling away all the best nuts for some imagined, better or needier future, how about if we agree, together, to celebrate the glorious beauty of a fully appreciated now<\/i>?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s make 2014 the year we light the candles, spray the perfume, wear the pretty underwear, and get the facials, okay? Let\u2019s say \u201cyes\u201d to what we love, whatever it is, and clear away the stuff that holds us down or holds us back.\u00a0 Let\u2019s inhabit our own lives as generously and joyously as we can for as long as we can.<\/p>\n

Of course, what I\u2019m talking about here isn\u2019t just perfume and candles.<\/p>\n

For me, it\u2019s also about awakening each morning with an awareness of how precious life is, how fragile, how magnificent.\u00a0 It\u2019s about remembering to turn off the computer and pick up the book of poetry I really want to read.\u00a0 It\u2019s about leaving the dishes for later and taking a walk in the snow as it falls, about easing up on the to-do list and stepping into the spaciousness of a quiet moment.\u00a0 It\u2019s about noticing what\u2019s good in people, and cherishing that. It\u2019s about giving myself permission to be silly or lazy or vulnerable. It\u2019s about holding on to hope and showing love and cultivating gratitude — and letting go of so much else that I cling to for no good reason.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s about remembering that my true work isn\u2019t always on the desk in front of me, or at the kitchen sink, or in my in-box.\u00a0 My true work has to do with softening my heart and strengthening my faith that what is, is meant to be.\u00a0 Which means accepting myself as I am (wrinkles and all) and embracing my life — right here, right now — as the lovely gift it is.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s as good a reason as any to light some candles.\u00a0 To smell delicious.\u00a0 To toss out the old, ratty underwear.\u00a0 To wear my favorite jeans. \u00a0To give thanks for our friendship. And to keep sharing what\u2019s in our hearts.\u00a0 (I knew, when you gave me that tube of fancy under-eye concealer for my birthday that you wouldn\u2019t steer me wrong on this path through the afternoon of life. And then, when you gave me another<\/i> one two weeks later, I knew I better start USING it!)<\/p>\n

I’m so glad you\u2019re there, my friend!\u00a0 And thank goodness you\u2019re a few steps ahead of me on this journey, lighting the way forward.<\/p>\n

Love, K<\/p>\n

P.S.\u00a0\u00a0 Speaking of \u201cbeing there\u201d: here\u2019s a little something for you, the old \u201cFriends\u201d theme song as revisited by three young Irish lads. \u00a0Click on the lyric: \u201cI\u201dll be there for you, \u2018cuz you\u2019re there for me, too.\u201d<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0 That does just about say it all! \u00a0xo<\/p>\n

P.P.S. Readers:<\/strong> I’m curious!\u00a0Do you use your special things, or save them? \u00a0Want to join us in making this a year of simple pleasures?<\/p>\n

To read Margaret’s lovely response to my letter,<\/strong><\/em> click here.<\/strong><\/a> (She’s giving away two signed copies of \u00a0<\/strong><\/em>Magical Journey<\/strong> over at her site, too!)<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Paperback News . . .<\/span><\/h3>\n

Pub date for Magical Journey in paperback<\/strong><\/a> is this\u00a0Tuesday, January 21<\/strong>. \u00a0 Because of you<\/em>, and the amazing Magical Journey Team<\/strong><\/a>, there’s already a bit of a paperback “buzz” — \u00a0from readers, from book groups, even from Book Festivals. \u00a0My heartfelt thanks! Together, we’re giving this book a send-off!<\/p>\n

There’s also an audio version of Magical Journey,<\/strong> which I recorded last November. \u00a0Weird as it is to hear my own voice, I listened to a sample of it the other day. \u00a0(Lots of memories there. But not so strange after all.) To hear it yourself, click here.<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the first in a series of letters between me and my friend, author\u00a0Margaret Roach, on the challenges (and joys!) of aging. I’m Old (just 55) and she’s Older (facing 60 this year). Who knows where it\u2019s going, but since the subject keeps coming up, and we\u2019re both writers\u2026well, you get the idea. Listen […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15183,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,3,29,30,33,14],"tags":[62,145,198,226,279],"class_list":{"0":"post-3300","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-acceptance","8":"category-aging-2","9":"category-friendship","10":"category-gratitude","11":"category-impermanence-soul-work","12":"category-soul-work","13":"tag-aging","14":"tag-dear-older","15":"tag-gratitude-2","16":"tag-impermanence","17":"tag-margaret-roach","18":"entry"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/600x600.png?fit=600%2C600","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3300"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3300\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15183"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}