I walked in off the street, to a yoga class billed as \u201cSweet Vinyassa.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s been a week of new places and new faces, from the moment I arrived last Wednesday night on the doorstep of a friend I\u2019d never met in La Canada, California, to this morning, when I found myself asked to bend over backwards and let go.<\/p>\n
A week after my book came out, an e-mail appeared in my in-box:\u00a0 \u201cYou and I are kindred spirits,\u201d it read, \u201cand we would be fast friends if we were to meet.\u201d\u00a0 Fast forward six months — and my husband and I were unpacking our bags in Tracy\u2019s guest bedroom.\u00a0 Suddenly, my world felt a whole lot bigger.<\/p>\n
Tracy and I had written back and forth after that first letter, and from the very beginning something just clicked.\u00a0 We became friends even without meeting.\u00a0 And so when she invited me to come to California, to stay at her house and speak to a large parent education group at a church in her town, a little voice inside me whispered, \u201cJust say yes.\u201d<\/p>\n
I haven\u2019t been to California for twenty years.\u00a0 The thought of speaking in front of a large group makes my palms sweat.\u00a0 Leaving my home is always hard for me. I\u2019ve never stayed over night with someone I didn\u2019t already know.\u00a0 And yet. . .<\/p>\n
I turned 51 last fall, and something inside me shifted.\u00a0 After years of putting off travel, adventure, experiences that might take me right out of my comfort zone, I finally began to ask myself:\u00a0 If not now, when?\u00a0 Facing up to the hard, cold fact of half a century plus on the planet, I also had to confront the truth that anything I put off now, to some undetermined point in the future, might not ever happen at all.\u00a0 So I made a vow to myself on my birthday last year to accept the adventures that are offered to me, even if they do make my palms sweat.<\/p>\n
And so, last Monday I bought myself a gray silk Eileen Fisher suit on sale for half price (the most beautiful, grown-up thing I\u2019ve ever owned), and on Wednesday morning my husband Steve and I got up early, shoveled ten inches of fresh snow, and headed for the airport. In the last few days, thanks to Tracy\u2019s vision, hard work, and hospitality,\u00a0 I have given a talk to two hundred smart, incredibly welcoming women.\u00a0 I have spoken and read at a bookstore, signed well over a hundred copies of my book, and been the guest of honor at the loveliest ladies\u2019 tea party imaginable.\u00a0 I took a hike into the Southern California mountains with a group of women who felt like old friends before we\u2019d panted our way up the first hill.\u00a0 And I had the great joy of sitting down at the end of a long day, kicking off my shoes and getting to know my email pen-pal\u00a0 really well, face-to-face at last — not to mention her kind, funny husband and her three beautiful, nearly grown children, who conspired to make two perfect strangers from the east coast feel like old, dear friends.<\/p>\n
After photos and hugs and good-byes in La Canada on Saturday morning, it was on to LA, to meet another e-mail friend, writer and Zen teacher Karen Maezen Miller, whose book Hand Wash Cold will come out this spring. After two months of e-mails back and forth, and books exchanged and read avidly, Maezen and I took all of about thirty seconds to acclimate to one another in person. \u00a0And then we walked through her 100-year-old Japanese garden,\u00a0 ate orange muffins, jumped into her nifty electric car, and made our way into the city for a dharma talk at the Zen center that is her spiritual home.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis is really my life?\u201d I thought, as Steve and I took our places, sitting cross-legged on plump round pillows at the Hazy Moon Zen Center in Los Angeles, the only \u201ccivilians\u201d amidst a room full of Buddhist monks with shaved\u00a0 heads and long black robes. \u00a0And yet, after three days of non-stop talking and smiling, it was a relief to be silent, to bow and to sit and to listen.\u00a0 To be reminded that the only moment is the present moment, the beautiful gift of right here and right now. \u00a0Sun poured through the windows. \u00a0Silence ripened. My mind, nothing but busy for weeks and weeks, grew quiet at last.<\/p>\n
Now, with the “work” part of this trip behind me, \u00a0I’m on holiday in Ojai, enjoying a bit of vacation with my husband at a quaint bed and breakfast.\u00a0 It feels good to relax and exhale, to take a long walk, read a book on the porch, wander through the farmer\u2019s market.\u00a0 And yet, even here, the opportunity to stretch presents itself.<\/p>\n
\u201cJust bend your knees and allow yourself to let go,\u201d the yoga teacher suggested to me this morning.\u00a0 She\u2019d picked me, the stranger who\u2019d just happened to show up in class, to demonstrate a backbend.\u00a0 No, I\u2019d never done one before.\u00a0 (I\u2019m pretty sure that\u2019s why she chose me, actually.)\u00a0 But after a week of letting go and having faith that where ever I was, was exactly where I was meant to be, bending over backwards didn\u2019t seem all that scary.<\/p>\n
Two pairs of strong hands supported my back, as I reached my arms up over my head and started to go over. And moments later I was in a place I\u2019d never been before, palms on the floor, heart lifted, feet planted, back-bending.<\/p>\n
Tonight, as I sit in front of a cozy fire in our Ojai B&B, far from home, typing these words, I feel just a little bit like I did this morning when I bent over backwards.\u00a0 Which is to say, I am reminded that life is one big invitation to say \u201cyes\u201d and then let go.\u00a0 What I loved most about this week was not the book sales and accolades from fans of my work (nice as that was!), but rather that sense of support, right at hand when I needed it most.\u00a0 There was a moment, as I stood in front of the crowd giving my talk, when my legs stopped shaking and I began to sense instead the warm, supportive energy in the room. \u00a0I realized it then; was made aware of it again this morning in a yoga class where I knew not a soul: \u00a0Let go, and you\u2019ll be caught.\u00a0 Let go, and then feel the joy of knowing that there will a hand at your back if you need it, ready to hold you, to guide you, to make sure you don\u2019t fall over, or fall apart, or fall through the cracks.<\/p>\n
Speaking to a room full of women was sort of like bending over backwards. \u00a0In each case, I met myself in a new place, thanks to some help from strangers who were just friends I hadn\u2019t met yet.<\/p>\n
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