The house is so quiet. \u00a0I had planned to spend the afternoon putting Christmas decorations away, vacuuming the dog hair and grit from the floor, stripping sheets off the kids’ beds, the guest-room bed, the pull-out couch. \u00a0(We had a full house here last night.) \u00a0But I know that when I get up from my spot at the kichen table and begin all those tasks, it will mean that the holiday we’ve had together really is over. \u00a0When I went to bed last night, around 11:30, Henry and a couple of high school classmates were sprawled on the couch with afghans, watching old episodes of The West Wing. Jack was upstairs chatting on the phone with a friend. \u00a0My eighteen-year-old niece Caitlin, who’s been staying with us for a week, was putting the finishing touches on her college applications. \u00a0The fire we’d nursed all afternoon was burning to embers in the fireplace, the dishwasher was running its second load, a pile of sodden boots sat in a widening puddle by the back door, an unfinished game of Bananagrams lay abandoned on the floor, laptops and iPods were scattered about the kitchen. \u00a0The place looked lived in, definitely.<\/p>\n
Early this morning we said good-bye to Henry’s best friend, I took Henry and \u00a0Caitlin to the airport, and Jack left as well, to drive back to school with his dad. I am behind in everything, truth be told, with two weeks worth of unaswered e-mails on my computer, a deadline to meet, an empty refrigerator. \u00a0It’s been days since I exercised, or picked up a book, or wrote so much as a word. There’s plenty to do. \u00a0And yet, alone for the first time in weeks, I am a bit unsettled by the silence, almost bereft, already missing everybody.<\/p>\n
One thing I’ve found this year is that the partings don’t get easier, no matter how many times my sons come home and go away again. But I’ve also learned how important it is to appreciate all the moments of their being here, even when those moments are not exactly the blissful “family time” I always envision. \u00a0The house gets messy, best laid plans go awry, the days fly by way too fast, and suddenly it’s time to haul out the suitcases again, grab the last load from the dryer, say good-bye.<\/p>\n
I guess that there’s just never going to be quite enough time, no matter how long their time at home lasts –not enough time to do all the things I look forward to doing, or to launch all the conversations I hope to have, or even to relax into our old, comfortable routines. \u00a0Certainly the things my younger son and I used to fight about and wrangle over seem pretty silly now, a waste of precious opportunity. \u00a0And if Henry never does stand up straight, or chew with his mouth closed, so be it. \u00a0Instead of being bothered by things that used to drive me crazy, I’m aware that our time together is short, my sons’ imminent departures always right around the corner. \u00a0And so I remind myself to see what’s good, and to appreciate what is. \u00a0At seventeen and twenty, my sons definitely have their own ideas about what they want to do, and when, and how. \u00a0I’m learning to accept that, too. \u00a0To simply say “I love you,” rather than, “Why don’t you. . .”<\/p>\n
We didn’t read Truman Capote’s “A Christmas Memory” this year, or sing carols, or walk the New Year’s labyrinth at Town Hall. \u00a0We never made it to see “Avatar,” nor did we even manage to shoot a family photo before everyone scattered out the door–all things that were on my agenda. \u00a0But we did light candles last night, and hold hands for grace around the dinner table. \u00a0We rang in 2010 together, had lots of laughs and wonderful visits with family and friends, and bestowed sweet hugs and kisses all around this morning as we went our separate ways.<\/p>\n
Upstairs, the scent of Old Spice still lingers. \u00a0Snow is falling. \u00a0The empty house settles into late afternoon shadow. \u00a0 And I allow myself this thought: \u00a0the time we did have was perfect, just as it was. And the quiet, now — it is perfect, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The house is so quiet. \u00a0I had planned to spend the afternoon putting Christmas decorations away, vacuuming the dog hair and grit from the floor, stripping sheets off the kids’ beds, the guest-room bed, the pull-out couch. \u00a0(We had a full house here last night.) \u00a0But I know that when I get up from my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15183,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,22,27,30,5,6,35,39,40,8,10,14],"tags":[198,263,270,295,324],"class_list":{"0":"post-179","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-acceptance","8":"category-change","9":"category-family-life","10":"category-gratitude","11":"category-hearth-home","12":"category-holidays","13":"category-letting-go","14":"category-midlife","15":"category-mindfulness","16":"category-parenting","17":"category-parenting-teens","18":"category-soul-work","19":"tag-gratitude-2","20":"tag-letting-go-2","21":"tag-love","22":"tag-mindfulness-2","23":"tag-parenting-2","24":"entry"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/600x600.png?fit=600%2C600","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/179","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=179"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/179\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15183"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=179"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=179"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=179"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}