{"id":14493,"date":"2016-07-15T17:48:02","date_gmt":"2016-07-15T21:48:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.katrinakenison.com\/?p=14493"},"modified":"2016-07-15T17:48:02","modified_gmt":"2016-07-15T21:48:02","slug":"our-america","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/our-america\/","title":{"rendered":"our America"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Unknown\"Let us cultivate a culture of kindness. In that moment, we are determining the outcome of the world.<\/em>
\n~ Sakyong Mipham<\/p>\n

I<\/span> know I\u2019m not the only one finding it impossible this summer to make sense of world events. I suspect you, too, are mourning the senseless deaths of innocent people at home and abroad, looking in vain after each new round of violence for answers to the seemingly unanswerable question \u201cwhy?\u201d, and trying to cultivate an informed, thoughtful attitude toward our presidential candidates.<\/p>\n

Perhaps, like me, you assign yourself articles to read written by journalists from the left and the right, writers and reporters who do their homework, who think deeply about where we stand as a country and who choose their words with care. Perhaps you, too, are struggling to keep your heart open to all people, to opinions that conflict with your own, to the concerns and worries of friends and family members who see things differently. Sometimes very, very differently.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not easy being a good citizen these days. In the past couple of weeks two of my friends have confessed to blocking or defriending those whose political postings on social media cause them angst. Others have expressed a desire for Facebook to remain a place where we can enjoy browsing photos of our friends\u2019 children and pets and vacations, without being confronted with their opinions, especially when they conflict with our own.<\/p>\n

I have recently deleted political comments from my own Facebook page, remarks that were disrespectful, rude, or insulting — not to me, but to others. To do so causes me pain, for I value a free flow of ideas and information as much as anyone. But then, name-calling and personal insults don\u2019t fall into that category. \u00a0I believe there\u2019s a difference between conversation, which demands\u00a0empathy and a willingness to listen with an open mind; and invective, which is about hearts and \u00a0minds that\u00a0have\u00a0been willfully shut down.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have to tell you: there are many loud, belligerent voices out there, all straining to be heard. Turn on the TV\u00a0or radio, scan your news feed, scroll through Twitter, and you will find them. Voices full of accusation and suspicion, hatred and superiority, disdain and incivility. Voices eager to label and vilify. Voices that separate us from one another, that seem bent on dividing souls\u00a0rather than uniting them. Voices quick to judge, voices meant\u00a0to instill fear, voices that incite distrust or even violence. There are voices that condone cruelty, voices raised in self-righteous fury, voices that disregard quiet, unassailable truth in favor of suspicion and innuendo and outright lies. There are voices that speak the language of the F-bomb, the bully, the oppressor. And, alas, there seem to be very few voices asking simple questions of the heart, such as, \u201cTell me why you feel this way?\u201d It\u2019s a bleak and painful chorus, the kind of dysfunctional acting out we would never tolerate in our own homes or in our own families.<\/p>\n

And yet somehow we\u2019ve allowed this disgraceful shouting match to become our national\u00a0dialogue.Actually, to call it a dialogue\u00a0is a misnomer. We\u2019ve pitted ourselves against each other in a nasty zero-sum game. Instead of coming together to mend what we have \u2013 a blessed, beloved country awash in grief and violence and confusion \u2013 we are allowing the rifts that separate us to deepen. Unfortunately, the media on both sides of that rift seem\u00a0more concerned with making money and boosting ratings than with elevating the level of our discourse. And so the newscasters and pundits are all too willing to play along, feeding the delusion that this election is just one huge, competitive sporting event. Turn on CNN or Fox News or MSNBC. The slant will be different, but too often the underlying goal is the same: to capture and hold viewers by turning all of us into bad guys and good guys, interpreting each day\u2019s unfolding events in terms of the precarious balance between winners and losers.<\/p>\n

As someone who will go way out of my way to avoid conflict of any kind, it\u2019s easier for me to be quiet than to speak the truth of my heavy heart, especially here, in print. But I think we are all losing. The more polarized we become, the less obliged we feel to pay attention. The more willing we are to think in terms of \u201cus\u201d and \u201cthem,\u201d winners and losers, the less able we are to bear witness to the experiences of others. \u00a0The more we shut down, the less effective we become at making good decisions \u2014 for ourselves and for our country.<\/p>\n

\"unspecified\"A\u00a0<\/span>few days ago, I saw a post on Facebook written by a woman who \u00a0shared my despair. \u201cI never thought I would be bringing up children in such a world,\u201d she said. \u201cI am tired of all the anger and shouting.\u201d And then she continued: \u201cI wonder what ever happened to OUR America? I\u2019m still voting for Donald Trump, but I\u2019m shutting down my Facebook page for now, because I don\u2019t want to hear any more political discussions until after the election is over. May God bless us all.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been pondering those lines ever since. The words \u201cOUR America,\u201d especially.\u00a0\u00a0 I wonder what, exactly, she meant. The America of white people? Of straight people? Of Christian people? Of Republicans? Of people who believe that torture should be legal but abortion should not? The America of twenty years ago or thirty or forty?<\/p>\n

I wanted to say to her, \u201cBut this IS<\/em> our America, in all its beauty and heartache and diversity\u00a0and confusion. And as long as we are building walls and labeling people and judging others for who they love or how they worship or what bathroom they use, then we are failing ourselves and our country.\u201d And I wanted to ask her, \u201cWhen you say God bless us all, do you really mean all<\/em>? Because if you do mean all<\/em>, then how can you and I\u00a0work together for the good of all? \u00a0How did you \u00a0make your choice for president?\u00a0Is he\u00a0a man who believes\u00a0we are all equally deserving of God’s blessing? \u00a0What do you admire in him? Why\u00a0should he be the one to\u00a0lead us forward\u00a0in these chaotic, painfully divided times?\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, I couldn\u2019t have that conversation with her, not even online. She had made up her mind. And she was gone.<\/p>\n

It seems to be a trend. Many people on both sides are claiming they\u2019ve had enough, heard enough, thought enough. It is\u00a0almost a badge of honor these days, to throw up your hands and say you\u2019re done listening, you\u2019re done thinking, \u00a0your mind is made up, end of discussion.<\/p>\n

I confess, I feel just the opposite.<\/p>\n

There is no question about who I\u2019m voting for. And yet I must also say that the more raised, badgering voices I hear, the more I fear engaging in the kinds of open, lively conversations I’ve always enjoyed with people who see things differently. \u00a0At the same time, the more voices I listen to, the more I begin to understand the depth and complexity of the problems we face. The more I read, the more grateful I am to those writers who are far wiser and better educated than me, writers who are willing to explain the intricacies of the issues we face and the far-reaching consequences of our choices. The more stories I hear of struggle and hope and despair, the more humble I feel. And the more humble I feel the more I also sense the weight of responsibility upon my shoulders. Especially the responsibility to keep talking and listening, both to voices that sing in unison with me and to those voices I must struggle to understand. Because this IS our America, and our futures are at stake.<\/p>\n

I am an American citizen, and I am a mother, and I possess a conscience. So how could I possibly turn my back on the news and tune out the debate until November? On the other hand, I also ask myself, what difference can I, or any one person, possibly make? I don\u2019t know the answer. All I know is that on this hot summer day, I find myself sitting in this kitchen where I have written thousands of words over the last few years about what it means and how it feels to raise children, to be a wife and a mother and a friend, and to base all of those relationships on tolerance and kindness and a willingness to listen, to compromise, to apologize, to forgive. \u00a0I have written about questions of faith and calling, about the grief of losing loved ones and the joys and challenges of family life. I\u2019ve wrestled with the slow march of age and I\u2019ve celebrated the fleeting, precious beauty of ordinary moments. I\u2019ve written painful essays about broken friendships, a son\u2019s addiction and recovery, raw moments in my marriage, and deep-seated insecurities of my own. And yet only now, for the first time ever, do I need to summon courage to say what\u2019s on my mind. Mine is not a political voice but a private one.<\/p>\n

Still.<\/p>\n

T<\/span>he possibility of a Trump presidency scares me. He belittles and scorns the very things that matter most to me \u2013 womens rights, LGBT rights, immigration rights, racial equality, affordable health care, equitable taxes, services for the poor, gun control, education, and the environment. I value kindness. \u00a0Trump is the \u00a0antithesis of kind; not only crude but cruel, baiting and insulting those he perceives to be weaker or less deserving of adulation than he is. I put enormous stock in education, in our shared responsibility to read and think deeply about the issues that confront us. \u00a0Trump wings it, impulsively and without regard or respect for facts. \u00a0I \u00a0have listened to Mr. Trump\u2019s speeches, I tuned in to every one of the Republican debates, and I\u2019ve watched countless TV interviews with him, searching for the goodness and wisdom in this man. I do not see it.<\/p>\n

No one is perfect, least of all our politicians. There have been times when Barack Obama has disappointed me, but many, many more when he\u2019s inspired me. I can\u2019t excuse or condone Hillary Clinton\u2019s use of a private email server, nor have I always agreed with her policies.\u00a0\u00a0 She has made compromises when I wished she\u2019d stood firm and she\u2019s lied when the truth would have better served us all. (Doesn\u2019t the truth always better serve us all?) She is flawed and human and she\u2019s made mistakes all along the way. But I have never doubted her tireless commitment to women and children\u2019s rights, her intelligence, her willingness to work hard, her hard-won experience, her composure under fire, or her life-long dedication to her country. OUR country. \u00a0So yes, given this choice between two flawed candidates, I support her. \u00a0But I don’t think that means I can now\u00a0return to photos of puppies and barbecues while the rest of the country sorts itself out.<\/p>\n

How will we get through these next difficult, momentous months if we harden our hearts and close our minds? How can we proclaim reverence for life if we decide that some lives matter more than other lives? I, too, worry about children coming of age in a time where a presidential candidate promotes a culture in which bullying is perceived as strength, name-calling is par for the course, and bigotry and racism masquerade as populism.<\/p>\n

Yet there is one thing I think we can all agree on \u2013 that the outcome of the very public debate playing out in our country right now will have enormous consequences in all our lives. To engage thoughtfully and respectfully in this process is not only a right but, dare I say it, a duty. At issue is who we are and what we stand for, as individuals and as a nation.<\/p>\n

My hope, for all of us, is that we will not shy away from the hard conversations. May we continue to have them with our loved ones and our friends, on our Facebook pages and in public spaces and, especially, with people who see the world through different eyes. May we choose in each of these encounters and communications to heal rather than humiliate, to honor rather than to hurt. May we listen well and respect each other. May we resist the urge to dehumanize others. May we practice the art of empathy, which is to say, may we put ourselves in the shoes of another and willingly walk their mile. May we be living examples of kindness. May we act in accordance with our deepest human\u00a0values: love, compassion, integrity, fairness, and hope for a better future. May we read more deeply and think more expansively. May we continue to\u00a0educate and stretch ourselves. May we not retreat\u00a0from complexity, but embrace it. May we be practical rather than partisan, thoughtful rather than reactive, generous of heart toward all rather than protective of a few. May we seek and find common ground here, in our America.<\/p>\n

\n

readings<\/h3>\n

I didn’t intend to write this essay today; I was actually going to wash woodwork and weed the garden. \u00a0But I found myself sitting and thinking, and pretty soon I found myself writing, unsure until I said it just what it was I needed to say. \u00a0If you’re here, reading, thank you. \u00a0I’d like to share some of what inspired me today. These three pieces are the ones that finally moved me to put some of my own feelings down. \u00a0I recommend them highly.<\/p>\n

Adam Gopnick is the smartest writer I know. \u00a0The New Yorker is daily sustenance for me, and this short, sharp piece<\/strong><\/a> is a wake-up call, even for those of us who thought we already were<\/em> awake.<\/p>\n

I have good friends who are teachers, and bullying is a central concern for every one of them. \u00a0There has been so much good progress made as teachers devote themselves to changing the culture of the classroom into a place where bullying in any form is not tolerated. \u00a0This well-researched article in Tikkun<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0may\u00a0disturb you, but it will also bring home just how swiftly norms can change and how corrosive Trump’s influence has been.<\/p>\n

No matter how you feel about Hillary Clinton as a person or as a presidential candidate, your\u00a0understanding of her will be deepened by this illuminating profile<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0that shines a light on the woman as she’s known by those who have worked most closely with her. \u00a0I needed to read this.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let us cultivate a culture of kindness. In that moment, we are determining the outcome of the world. ~ Sakyong Mipham I know I\u2019m not the only one finding it impossible this summer to make sense of world events. I suspect you, too, are mourning the senseless deaths of innocent people at home and abroad, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15183,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,24,25,14],"tags":[124,130,254,449],"class_list":{"0":"post-14493","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-compassion","8":"category-connection","9":"category-courage","10":"category-soul-work","11":"tag-clinton","12":"tag-compassion-2","13":"tag-kindness-2","14":"tag-trump","15":"entry"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/600x600.png?fit=600%2C600","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14493","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14493"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14493\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15183"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/katrinakenison.com\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}