Katrina Kenison

celebrating the gift of each ordinary day

in Book Reviews· Books· Writing and Reading

tell me morea perfect February read

“Lives don’t last; they thrill and confound and circle and overflow and disappear because it’s like this, having a life.” ~ Kelly Corrigan

The Huffington Post has called Kelly Corrigan “the poet laureate of the ordinary.”

Damn, I thought when I first read that. I sort of wanted it to be me. Could there be any higher praise? But I’ll also be the first to admit: she deserves every bit of that acclaim. I’ve loved each of Kelly’s books, in part because of her rare, yet almost off-hand ability to create what feels like instantaneous, genuine intimacy between herself and the rest of us.

To open any Kelly Corrigan book is to think, “If we two could meet, we would definitely be friends.” Although she and I had never laid eyes on each other until last week, I had to keep reminding myself that I didn’t actually know her — yet.  More powerful than the truth was the feeling we’d been pen pals for years, ever since all our kids were young; or, rather, ever since I read The Middle Place. 

My guess is that if you’re already a Kelly fan, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you’re not, no worries, you can start right here. Reading her heartfelt, self-deprecating, generous memoirs, one can’t help but feel both seen and validated, welcomed into what appears to be a charmed inner circle — a safe place in which female friendships are treasured, the ups and downs of marriage and family life are survived with good humor if not always grace, and the messy, unfathomable rewards and challenges of motherhood are honestly, often hilariously, chronicled and given their due.

But this circle is also a place where awful things happen, where decent people screw up, where teenagers behave badly, and where dearly beloved ones die too soon. Because of course there is no such thing as a charmed life, only charmed moments – fleeting, precious moments that are all too often missed while our flighty, petty, over-burdened minds are occupied elsewhere. And Kelly Corrigan’s subject isn’t some made-up, idealized life but her own imperfect real one, with all its pain and beauty, heartache and redemption, loss and love, hairballs and eggshells and toenail clippings, tender deathbed confessions and unexpected epiphanies. She writes, to quote mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn, about “the whole human catastrophe.”  And in the process, she assures us that our own catastrophe is worthy of notice, embrace, and celebration.

Tell Me More made me laugh out loud in public and it made me cry unexpected, gulpy tears, in equal measure. To call it a self-help book would be to give it short shrift as the tender, often eloquent work of story-telling, personal exploration, and universal discovery it actually is. And yet, help it most certainly does. In the days since I first read it, I’ve found myself putting just about all of these twelve familiar phrases into practice in a whole new way: intentionally, lovingly, gratefully.

What are the hardest things we have to say to each other? How can we practice the art of listening, when our first impulse is to fix, explain, or solve? How can we find the right words to convey all that we feel and all that we know and all that we wonder about and all that we can never hope to understand? How do we talk about fear and regret? How do we summon the sentence that might open a heart, or ease a conscience, or erase a doubt? These are the questions at the heart of Tell Me More, a wise and deeply practical – even useful – memoir/manual for all of us who simply want to do a better job at being our better selves.

When I first heard there was a new Kelly Corrigan book coming out this winter, I went straight to my laptop to Google her tour schedule. While some might dream of a January escape involving drinks at sunset on a beach somewhere, my own antidote to the winter doldrums came together as soon as I saw that Kelly was going to read at Parnassus, my friend Ann Patchett’s bookstore in Nashville.

Destination decided! My soul daughter Lauren, just a three-hour drive away in Atlanta was game to come, as was my mom, who loved the idea of a road trip with us. And so it was that three generations of my family, blood mother and chosen daughter, were in the audience at Parnassus last Tuesday night. We had the joy of meeting Kelly in person and of hearing her talk about how, out of her grief at losing her dad and her best friend, came a deep desire to grow, to change, and to transform that sadness into even deeper awareness, simpler love, greater understanding, gratitude.

Of course, I could write a whole piece here about how much fun my mom and Lauren and I had romping around in Nashville for a couple of days (oh, the Patsy Cline Museum!!), but I’d rather get right to the point, which is this:

I have a signed first edition of Tell Me More from Parnassus to share with one lucky reader. Details below.

It’s not often that I say, “Just get this book,” but I’m saying it now. Whether you win a signed copy from me, or attend a reading yourself (Kelly’s tour schedule is here), or head down to your local bookstore, do treat yourself to Tell Me More. In its own humble, unpretentious way, this one is a life changer. It’s already shifted the way I’m talking with my own two grown sons. It’s making me think more deeply about everything I say and everything I do. And I find myself wanting to press copies into the hands of all my own nearest and dearest, just because. And to remind them, as Kelly Corrigan has reminded me:

This abstract performance art called Family Life is our one run at the ultimate improv. Our chance to be great for someone, to give another person enough of what they need to be happy. Ours to overlook or lose track of or bemoan, ours to recommit to, to apologize for, to try again for. Ours to watch disappear into their next self – toddler to tyke, tween to teen – ours to drop off somewhere and miss forever.  It’s happening right now, whether we attend to it or not.”

It is said that the best books grow out of questions, not answers. “Shouldn’t loss change a person for good, forever?” Kelly asks near the outset of Tell Me More. Her own search for an answer to that question is a gift to each of us who’s ever wondered how we can possibly find meaning in the midst of heartache. I’m so happy to share this lovely, generous treasure of a book with you. Need a Valentine gift for some one special? Here’s one that’s pure love.

Oh, and by the way, if the idea of a road trip to Parnassus appeals to you, too, consider this:  Ann Patchett has asked me to return to Nashville on March 28 to interview Pulitzer Prize-winning author Anna Quindlen about her forthcoming novel Alternate Side at the store.  Ann will do the introductions.  Sparky and the shop dogs will be on hand. We’ll talk about writing and the books we love, parenting and life as it is, growing up and growing old. I can’t wait, and of course we’d all love to see you there!

to win a signed copy of Tell Me More

Just leave a comment below.

Share the words you are learning to say.  Or the words that create connection in your life.  Or the words someone once offered you that made a difference.  Or the words you find it impossible to speak.  Or the words that are in your heart right now.  In other words, simply show up, share a thought, and you will be entered in the drawing.

Deadline: I will draw a winner at random on Friday February 9 at noon EST.

Your signed book will come with a Parnassus bookmark.  Good luck to all!  Don’t want to wait? You can order now from Parnassus here, or from Amazon here.  (Amazon is an affiliate link.)

(Feb. 10:  Congratulations to winner Sheri Rosacker.  And to every reader who who left a comment here, thank you for creating this incredibly inspiring list of supportive phrases, which benefit us all.  Such practical collective wisdom!)

Comments

  15. Oh, how this sounds like just what our hearts and spirits are most needing right now. Thank you.

  17. Thank you so much for entering me in this drawing. I love Kelly’s work, and I love your work, too.

  20. I love Nashville, books, bookstores, you, Ann Patchett, and Anna Quindlen! Double Trifecta! Bucket list Opportunity!💖📚 If at the end of my life I can say,”I HAVE DONE LOVE,” then I have lived well! Inspired by Jen Pastiloff.

  22. Somewhere between the ten thousand joys and the ten thousand sorrows is where we stand in the ever shifting balance of this precious mystery of being alive. Celebrate and bow down often to the wonder of exquisite connectedness of it all.

  23. I see you, and I love you no matter what. And when you forget who you are, as humans are want to do, I am here to always remind you, to hold that vision for you, and to remind you, again, that I love you evermore.

  24. At a time of deep loss & sadness, a stranger said to me, “Are you ready for God’s good to come into your life?” I mumbled something and her response was: “It doesn’t sound like it.” Next was my “Ok, ok, yes, I’m ready for God’s good to come into my life.” Within hours there was a positive/uplifting trajectory to my life that continued on & on. (How to explain? I can’t.)

  25. Hi Katrina!
    It’s Kelly from Cincinnati…and last time I came to Parnassus to see you there was that crazy ice storm in Nashville!
    So good to meet you though.. and I’m glad this time around the weather cooperated. I also love Kelly Corrigan but I agree that you are my poet laureate of the ordinary! Thank you for also touching all of our souls through your authentic writing.
    💕

  26. “I am enough.” And, by the way, I think you are the poet laureate of the ordinary, along with Kelly! Thanks for the opportunity to win.

  27. “poet laureate of the ordinary”….sigh….so heavenly. i will do as you say, and “just get the book.” sounds profound and right up my alley. xoxoxo (and how amazing to interview anna quindlen, too. yet another PLotO…..

  29. I’m in great need of wise words. What could be better than recommendations from Katrina Kennison AND Ann Patchett?

  36. My father taught me to stand up for myself, to be my own best advocate. Things happen in all of our lives. What matters is how we proceed. I would love to be entered in this drawing. Thank you for your words of wisdom everyday.

  38. Today…right now…this moment is what matters.

    Katrina, you never fail to inspire, move and touch me. Your words are what I need to hear. Thank you! Xo

  42. Thought on my life with kids.
    -long days, short years.
    Thanks Marie S. My favorite woman/person in the world. My life would be so u fulfilled if it werent for you.

  44. It’s ok to be afraid.

    Katrina, you and Anna Q together in Nashville sounds like worthy road trip to me!

  45. Life, on this tiny blue dot, is all about bearing the beams of love. (with thanks to Carl Sagan, William Blake, their mothers, and good people everywhere!

  46. I fell in love with your writings the first time I heard you read from The Gift of an Ordinary Day. Then you came to Gibson’s book store in Concord NH. The most profound advice that someone shared with me and I have shard with other parents is, “Don’t judge your kids till they’re 30.” This advice is with me always, and will be passed along to my kids as they have children if their own. Please keep writing and sharing.

  47. “You have made a difference in my life.” Which is true of you, too, Katrina. Thank you for that.

  49. We must always try to wonder and face life with grace. Thank you for all of your thoughts, they never fail to make me feel good about the delicacy of living.

  53. The words “I see you” said during a yoga teacher training session. The exercise was to look into someone else’s eyes for a minute and then maybe say a few words to that person. Such an incredible feeling to know that someone REALLY “sees” you. I can still feel how overwhelmed with emotion I felt when that was said to me. I feel like often we go through life thinking no one really does.

  55. Words that have made a difference in how I move in the world:

    Just Show Up, Be Brave, Be Kind, Rest, Try Again (Glennon Doyle)

  57. I have the perfect person to give this book to (if I can bear to part with it myself!), a friend, who has suffered a personal loss in the last year. And, Katrina, I agree with the person above who said that you also a “poet laureate extraordinaire!”

  58. Yesterday I found myself hurt and resentful and didn’t even want to communicate any more, just turned my back. It had build up over a few days, I was disturbed and uncomfortable, constant brain-fog and feeling stuck, wanting to retreat in my room, avoiding those people, suddenly there was a trigger and the bubble burst and I shouted. They shouted back at me. After a five minute argument I felt it’s futile and I retreated into my own space. They tried to make contact again, I was wavering, but the feeling that I couldn’t handle this was stronger and it was better to cut that connection. I felt defeated by being unable to see the goodness in them, but today whole day I enjoyed the relief of not having them around me anymore and decided I have to honor that too, that I still react to certain people, I am not a saint. Now I am feeling ready to start again, I will be open to the people, who happen to cross my path and if I feel bad in somebody’s presence I will try to say: Tell me more so that I can understand better what happened to you and also understand better about myself and my reaction to you. May be this book will make me see more ways to navigate human relationships.

  59. ‘ If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all. In today’s world , we could use more of that.

  60. What Deb Reed said. You, Kelly Corrigan, Anna Quindlen and Amy Krouse Rosenthal. I read you when I want to see beauty and calm my spirit at the same time.

  61. In my heart right now are feelings of time passing and the importance of the word “connectedness” with good people who I knew well at one time but we fell away from each other. Phrases like “I miss him or her” and “I am grateful I got to know you” and “I wish we could connect again” or “I wish we could connect more” have been coming up a lot.

  69. I will not die , with my song inside me! Any thing you write Katrina, ,makes my heart sing, it resonates, and I am happy you are ,you!

  72. What words? I am still collecting them. I have 11 children, more than the average and have begun saying each of their names in my prayers each day (instead of just “please bless the kids”) and it brings home to me the enormous responsibility I have of not just caring for one soul, but so many, and also the very real possibility that someday some of them may predecease me (and if they don’t, the other eight will follow the oldest three to college.) I don’t want all my time to be spent rushing all over the place, taking care of the mundane tasks that have to be done to serve our family. I want to make sure that their souls, as well as mine are fed as we go along. And so I would love a copy of this book to help remind me.

  73. “In examining nothing, you’ll find something.” — from Shift your Life: Andrew Knapp and Momo at TEDxYouth@NickelCity 2013

  76. “If it is important, do it now!” Not sure if my problem is procrastination or forgetfulness but trying to get better at not missing things that are important and I will feel sad if I miss, like the chance to get this book.

  81. Now that I have passed the age of 60, windows seemed to have opened in my mind and wisdom – never understood before – have flown out. Years of living – having the highs and lows that are universal to all of us – have taught me that: It is the journey and not the destination that counts. I can now see that we are on a road in life – one of many curves, ups and down, and times when we have that rush that tells us we have found life’s highest peak.

    So I also say that we are far better if we live in the moment — make each count in a way positive — and, so important, be the best living example for our kids in how to live life this way. It will be the best thing you will ever do for them!

  88. As hard as it can be at times, I am learning that sometimes, the best words are no words at all. Zip the lip.

  89. One of my favorite questions to ask is this:
    What else?
    Back in the early 90s when I was dating my husband and we were mad in love and up talking to 4 a.m., he would often ask this question after I explained some story or another and went on and on and on, to fill him in completely. This simple question. These two words. They taught me how much he loved me, how he appreciated my stories, how he wanted to know more about how I felt, more about who I was, and that it was never, ever too late for another story!

  90. How can I help?
    Sometimes all we have to offer is time and a sympathetic ear. And sometimes it helps.

  95. Recognizing that nothing she could say could make me feel better, a friend asked:
    Can you tell me about him?

  96. these words, “Civility costs nothing, yet is priceless” provide me with a code for my daily interactions with others. Thank you for entering me in the contest to win this awesome book.

  98. Not my thought, but the one I’m trying to live right now…”The thing to do is prepare yourself so that you can be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.” (Maya Angelou)

  99. Came across the gift of this quote a few days ago: “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived & how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”

  100. You are right. Even though my opinion is different, your perspective matters, and you are also correct.

  102. “The Universe is not asking us to DO something, the Universe is asking us to BE something.” ~~Lucille Clifton

  108. I think 99 times and find nothing.
    I stop thinking Swim in silence
    And the truth
    comes to me.

    Albert Einstein

  109. Love Kelly. She seems like an old friend when I read her books. And to paraphrase Grace, “We don’t know someone’s history. Just be kind and understanding.” Words I long to live by, but sometimes forget.

  110. Love the piece in Gregory Boyle’s book about people asking if he is being taken advantage of by those he helps. And he says something like how can it be taken when he’s giving it freely?! Love that! Just give with no other thought than that

  114. Many years ago, an eighty-something year old lady at church told me that she was “filled with the joy of living.” I adopted that as my personal life mantra, and even had it engraved on a cuff bracelet, that I wear every day. Never want to forget the joy in being alive!

  116. I aspire to write, someday….or at least to write more than just my annual Christmas card. Although I truly love writing it for my nearly 100 family and friends I think I’d really like to “write”. For now, I love to read your books and blogs of those things “ordinary” or in reality those things that are real and touching. Thank you for your inspiration.

  119. What I’m learning is to take the time to show up and appreciate the limited time I have left with my 78 year old mother and 80 year old father. I am grateful that I realized this before it was too late to enjoy the gift.

  120. Breathe. With a daughter who’s fighting cancer, I need to remind myself of this often. It helps just a tiny bit. And I’ll take any help I can get.

  127. As I leave my precious grandchildren to move my 92 yr old Mom to a nursing home, I see my life juggling more roles than I ever thought possible: the role of caregiver: explaining to my Mom who raised eight children, managed the money, handled my Dad who did not quit drinking until after 31 yrs of marriage, why she can’t be in charge anymore: the sunshine role of my life as Nana and embrace each giggle, smile, new word; and how to embrace marriage after 35 years and challenges of different goals in life. After reading your article about this book Tell Me More, I can’t wait to read and know I’m not alone with all my thoughts of this journey of life where we have to stop and enjoy the best and embrace the joy and let it over power the sadness. Thanks for bringing hope to my day.

  131. It is only through the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye.

  136. Light and sunshine. Mindfully said Words are like a soothing balm. Silence too. Thank you for bringing to us this recommendation.

  137. While sitting with my youngest brother as he lay dying last April, I felt love like never before. It was sacred. I still hear him…”I love you.”

    I love you! 💕

  138. My word for the year is presence. I want to stay in the moment and appreciate all that is happening without thinking about the next thing.

  140. I enjoy your reflections–very appropriate and timely in these tumultuous times. thank you

  141. Matt Maher’s song…”I’ll be My Brother’s Keeper” seems so relevant in todays strange, hate-filled political climate. When I hear that song, it quickly brings me back to a place of hope. Kind of like when I read your blogs. Thank you.

  148. After visiting an old friend with dementia, he waved goodbye to us, and sang “Happy trails to you, until we meet again.”

  149. Tell me more, dear creator lord. I want to listen, to shed the clutter in my mind and enter the place where you speak in a still, quiet voice. Where your presence is reflected in every neighbor and experience, where I lose myself in your glory.

  151. Thank you for sharing your thoughts reg. Kelly and her new book. I have read The Middle Place and like her writing. Always so honest and down to earth, So refreshing this day and age.

  152. Taken, blessed, broken, given. (Henri Nouwen) Those words helped me through a very “broken” time in my life last year. I’ve also been greatly inspired by your words, Katrina, and by words of Kelly Corrigan. You are both such great writers and inspirations!

  154. I am not familiar with Kelly Corrigan’s books but I have found over time that authors and books tend to show up in my life just when I need them most. I will order her books and look forward to meeting a new friend.

  155. Katrina — I have read every single one of your books and loved every one. I have often thought, while reading them, that we would be the best of friends. (And we live close to each other — I live in Keene and have written a book called “It’s Not About the Hike”). So when I read your comment about feeling like you could be great friends with Kelly Corrigan from reading her books, I totally understood! So I did what any woman seeking meaning and connection in her life would do, I immediately went out and bought “Tell Me More.” So don’t put me in the running for the give-away book, I gladly give up my spot. I just wanted to thank you for your beautiful sharings — so glad we are friends in my heart. — Nancy

  156. All of the comments are so wonderful! Mine would be “Love is eternal”. I find it very comforting.

  157. I look forward to reading this book.

    I want to share this quote which is one of my all time favorites by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
    You cannot do a kindness too soon for you never know how soon it will be too late.

  158. I went straight to the library and got Tell Me More on audio and listened to it going and coming on a recent trip to Dallas. I would love to have a copy on my book shelf! Tell Me More is definitely a book to read and reread when ever we slip back into old patterns…as we surely will!

  160. I am borrowing from Alice Walker when I saw her with the Dalai Lama at Emory University – You have to find joy in the struggle.

  161. When we know better, we do better. This mantra helps me forgive my parenting mistakes, pick myself up, and try again.

  162. I was unfortunately down with influenza last weekend, but the extra time resting gave me the perfect opportunity to catch up on some favorite blogs, including yours! When I read about Kelly’s new book in your post, I immediately downloaded it and read the entire work. I am 45, raising a tween and two teens, and have lost both parents—one fairly recently. I am a human who struggles, like Kelly, like you, with relationships, with purpose, with making each day a step in the path of what I want to be a meaningful life. Needless to say, I loved the book! (And since I was still down with the flu, I also downloaded her book Glitter and Glue. Great again!). I hope to visit Parnassus as my oldest will be going to school in Nashville starting next year.

  164. Katrina you ARE my poet laureate of the gifts of an ordinary day. I love Kelly’s writing and find connections for sure- but YOUR story resonates so deeply with me. I’m writing and thinking about being brave enough to embrace change right now, as my youngest child prepares to move across the country for college. Thank you for being there, for sharing your own stories as well as Kelly’s.

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