I don’t quite remember how Beth Kephart and I first met; it feels as if we’ve been friends forever. More than two decades ago, we were young mothers at the same time. We bore babies within a year of each other – beautiful, sweet-souled sons who didn’t fit the mold or pass the tests or walk or talk on schedule. Sons we loved passionately, observed endlessly, fretted over, and prayed for.
Motherhood gave each of us our first subject. And I suspect we both began to write for much the same reason: not because we had things figured out, but because we didn’t. Alone with our wondering and our worries, we turned to the page; perhaps it seemed to each of us the safest, most accessible place to wrestle with our mysterious maternal baggage — the unanswerable questions, irrational fears, and secret self-doubts, all inextricably bound up with our faith and hope and unwavering dedication to the vulnerable, precious beings we’d delivered out of our bodies and into the world. Writing about the joys and heartbreaks of raising boys who seemed destined to forge their own solitary paths through the untrammeled territory of childhood, we found our footing as both mothers and writers. And then, through grace or happenstance, we found each other.
In the midst of my early mothering journey, I discovered Beth’s luminous, brave memoir about her own young son and knew I’d found a soul mate. In that pre-Facebook era, we reached out through time and space and made a connection — a few heartfelt letters and emails, a couple of intimate, memorable phone conversations, a flurry of cards. She came to Boston to speak; I sat in the audience. Afterwards, talking in person at last, we cemented things for good: we might live markedly different lives hundreds of miles apart, but we would also be friends, writing colleagues, fellow travelers.
As I’ve read my friend’s work over the years – blog posts, novels, YA fiction, book reviews, five quietly magnificent memoirs – I’ve been increasingly in awe. I’m dazzled not only by her output, which is prolific, but even more so by the sheer gorgeousness of her writing, the depth of her knowing and the intensity of her watching, the shimmering intensity with which she translates human experience into words that breathe with life and pulse with truth.
My e-mails to her are boring, I fear. “How do you do it?” I’ve asked her again and again – as if Beth could actually offer up the secret ingredient that makes her sentences sing.
But I should have known that, one day, she’d try to do just that. For she is as generous a writer as she is a friend. And – lucky for the rest of us – she is also a thoughtful and devoted writing teacher. For years, she has been teaching the art and craft of memoir, sharing the hard-won lessons of experience, dedication, and a lifetime’s worth of reading with the students lucky enough to sit in her Penn classroom.
Now, the rest of us get to join those students and benefit from Beth’s teaching. This week her beautiful new book about writing memoir, Handling the Truth, arrived in stores. Which means I don’t ever need to send her one of those “How do you do it?” e-mails again. I can just return, over and over, to these pages. Ever since I read an early galley months ago (in one day, in one sitting, in awe, as usual), I’ve been eagerly awaiting the day I could finally share finished books with you here.
Beth has, as the reviewer at Library Journal noted, “created a work of art simply by reflecting on her own art—the writing and teaching of memoir. . . . She writes with the same lyricism found in her own works and offers here passionate encouragement for would-be memoir writers to embrace truth and empathy, mystery and exploration.”
I want to give copies of this book to all my reading and writing friends. I want to spread the word, gather up an impromptu book group, and then sit down and talk about the perils and pleasures of the writing life, the joys of reading the real stories of real people, and the courage it takes to share your life on the page. This is a subject dear to my heart, of course, and Beth Kephart brings urgent news of the how-to’s and the how-not-to’s. Here, a paragraph from her introduction:
Handling the Truth is about the making of memoir, and the consequences. It’s about why so many get it wrong, and about how to get it right. It’s about the big questions: Is compassion teachable? Do half memories count? Are landscape, weather, color, taste, and music background or foreground? To whom does then belong? And what rights to memoirists have, and how does one transcend particulars to achieve a universal tale, and how does a memoirist feel, once the label is attached, and what is the language of truth? Handling the Truth is about privileges and pleasures, about knowing ourselves. It’s about writing, word after word, small signifiers, and if it swaggers a little, I hope it teaches a lot.”
It does teach a lot. It does. I needed this book. So do you.
How to win a copy. . .
I’ve bought a copy of Handling the Truth: On the Writing of Memoir to give away here. To win, just leave a comment below, answering the question: If you were giving your best friend a copy of your favorite memoir, what would it be? Of course, you can also just say, “Count me in!”
I’ll draw a winner on Sunday, August 18. Good luck to all!
P.S. As you’ve no doubt noticed, there have been some changes in this space. My new, subtly redesigned website was a year in the making, and then, as life would have it, I’ve been too busy with various urgent family concerns to properly “launch” it. So, in lieu of online fanfare, I’ve decided to simply give away a book I love each week for the next month — one for each of the four themes featured on the new site. This week, obviously, we are firmly in the Writing and Reading realm. To read more about my own writing process and some books that mean much to me, click here.
P.P.S. And finally, a big thank you to Elizabeth Marro for her exquisite essay about loss, friendship, and the effect that reading Magical Journey had on her as she found her way through grief’s dark night of the soul and, bit by bit, back into the light. I was touched and honored by her humanity and eloquence as she struggled to find a blessing even in a time of great loss.
Ah, choosing a memoir and calling it “favorite” is a task too difficult, so I’ll just say that a dear friend of mine adopted a sweet baby boy earlier this summer, and I should send him Anne Lamott’s Operating Instructions. By FedEx.
🙂
Beth is a treasure— no surprise that you two are friends!
As I thought of the memoir I would give to a friend, I scrolled down to find the comment section to write my answer. Lo and behold the first answer I read is a woman saying that she would give the same memoir that I had chosen…Operating Instructions by Anne LaMott. This book spoke to me, touched me, relieved me at a time I most needed to feel understood by someone experiencing mothering a child for the first time. I am so appreciative of LaMott’s honesty and courage in sharing her story.
Count me in! I am struggling with my memoir about adopting our two boys (both open adoptions) – now 16 and 18, and how to tell the story without hurting the birthmoms (one in particular).
“How do you do it?”
You ask that of Beth, rightfully so. I’ve just now started Handling the Truth, and I find myself marveling at the way she puts sentences (ideas, truths) together as she does.
When I read Magical Journey, I found myself wanting to reach out to ask YOU that very same question.And now that Elizabeth has written so exquisitely (so authentically) about your book, I find myself nodding in agreement–and wondering anew, “How did she do it?”
See how that works? 🙂
Lucky me, I’m learning by example. With such great teachers, how could I not?
“Lift” by Kelly Corigan…. Or “Life Itself” by Roger Ebert. So many others.
Count me in! I have always aspired to write my own memoir and this book could be the key to doing it!
Favorite memoir? I love Patricia Hampl’s A Romantic Education. “
Count me in! Loved your Magical Journey, lent it to a friend when I finished. I loved that two women with totally different experiences could still relate to the same book, and even the same passages! Would love to read Beth’s book as well!
The Glass Castle….
I can’t really explain it, but Moss Hart’s Act One was one of the first memoirs I ever read and I still think of it often. It put me in a time and place that I wanted to time travel back to and be a part of.
I read two memoirs this spring that resonated deeply…your “Magical Journey” and Sue Monk Kidd’s “When the Heart Waits”…
“the gift of an ordinary day ” has inspired me to cherish each and everyday with my boys– freshmen– one starting collage this month and the other high school.
I don’t have a favorite memoir but I’d love to read all about putting one together. I’m narrating my own story on my blog, http://oneadaygratitude.blogspot.com, to preserve for my children and in the hope of one day it becoming something more than simply blog entries. A book on writing memoirs would be a wonderful gift.
The first and most interesting that comes to mind is Nothing Daunted: The Unexpected Education of Two Society Girls in the West
by Dorothy Wickenden, when 2 Smith College graduates in 1916 find adventure by teaching in a one-room school house in the wilds of Colorado – but then again, I love stories about pioneer women. I just finished Wendy Lawless’ new memoir called Chanel Bonfire, and her mother was surely wicked. I am currently reading Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail. Does the Autobiography of Mark Twain count as a memoir? If so, it’s terrific!
I have so many memoirs that I love, I don’t think I could point to just one – so count me in! Thank you!
Oh, that’s a tough question to answer, Katrina. I love so many, including the three you’ve written (in fact, I *did* give my best friend a copy of both “Mitten Strings” and “Ordinary Day.”) As a searching “outlier” in her own faith, I think she might really resonate with “Devotion.”
I enjoyed reading This Life Is In Your Hands by Melissa Coleman.
Too difficult to choose just one! I like Annie Lamott, Nora Ephron, Carolyn Heilbrun, Jill Ker Conway, Anne Morrow Lindburgh, Elinor Lipman, and of course Katrina Kenison…
Can’t choose a favorite memoir so count me in!
There are two that come to mind immediately: The Memoirs of Madame de La Tour du Pin, edited and translated by Felice Harcourt, and Blood, Bones & Butter: the Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef by Gabrielle Hamilton. Both left many indelible scenes residing in my memory, although I read them years apart. Yes, the challenges of truth in memoir are many and complex, and the threads of integrity can weave a tapestry of making already complicated relationships even more so!
I am a new reader and follower of your blog, and for me it’s easier to tell you my favorite recently read memoir than to recall each one I’ve read. That favorite would be “Bloom” by Kelle Hampton, who is coincidentally also a young mother. Her story is about the birth of her daughter with down syndrome, and how she and her family have grown through it. I love your work, Katrina, and am glad you have such inspirational friends from whom to learn.
What a lovely giveaway! From long ago, Russell Baker’s memoir; Anne Lamott’s, Barbara Brown Taylor’s 2 and most recently, Katherine Willis Pershey’s.
My friend and I have had so many special moments that I could not pick a favorite. Maybe my most cherished are the times that we have been able to just have the time to sit and talk about what is important in life.
In My Mother’s House by Kim Chernin
This is one of the first memoirs I can remember reading (circa 1985?). My partner and I read it aloud to each other as we drove across country (moving to LA from Wash DC). Sometimes we’d have to pull off the road, overcome with emotion and blinded by tears… a very powerful book.
I just recommended “gift of an Ordinary Day” to my daughter who has her twin boys going off to college in a couple of weeks. That will give her three children in college and only she, her husband, a cat and a dog at home. She’s been anxious about what her future holds.
I got so much comfort and support from that book when we moved three years ago. My sister was very critical about our plans to move, though it didn’t impact her at all. It was hard to deal with her negative comments and a blessing to open your book and see myself in the pages. It helped me through a difficult time emotionally. Thank you for your honesty in your writings.
Hi, “the gift of an ordinary day ” and Hand Wash Cold ( Karen M. Miller) are two of my favorites of the last years. Count me in! Thanks!
Tender at the Bone: Growing up at the Table by Ruth Reichl.
OH! Count Me In!!!! I am so smitten about this website and your incredible sharing! It thrills me to see all these “memoir suggestions”! I am eager to read all suggested and am so grateful for all that is shared. I AM a better person for being a part of this “community”!
count me in! I got hooked on Mother:s Memoirs with the Gift of an Ordinary Day.
Two recent memoirs that have resonated deeply with me. Magical Journey is one, as I am also approaching the empty-nester stage of my parenting, and I find your words about the complex tangle of emotions to be eloquent and true, and they have shed some light on my own path. The other is Priscilla Gilman’s The Anti-Romantic Child. I grew up with an autistic sister, and although I have devoured books on the subject of autism, Ms. Gilman’s is written from the perspective of a lover of great literature and a parent, and her story resonated deeply with me. If I were to write a memoir, it would be about my growing-up years with my sister, and how her presence shaped the life of our family, and my own adult life, for the better. But I have miles to go and much to learn before that can happen. My sister passed away last year, and I would love to pay homage to her.
During my husband’s long battle with end renal disease, I happened upon, “Just The Two Of Us” by Sheila Hancock, widow of John Thaw, both being exceptional actors in British film and TV. It gave me the strength and advice I needed to handle being a care giver and to reflect on a wonderful life shared. When I eventually became a widow too, I wrote to her and received a most uplifting response. Her experience and wisdom were of enormous encouragement to me to continue with a single but nevertheless fulfilling life.
Actually it was Magical Journey. I lent it to dear friend who, like I am, was going through a time of transition. She hasn’t returned it and I am not going to ask for it back, because it clearly spoke to her as much as it did to me.
Thanks so much for all yoour lovely words. I look forward to reading them.
I thought my favorite was The Gift of an Ordinary day but am now reading Magical Journey…so now I’m torn!
count me in! too many to choose one. thanks
Count me in.
I would choose “The Gift of an Ordinary Day”. Thanks for writing. Your words are enjoyed by so many.
Katrina – your books I have so often referred to friends over the years and still have with the advent of “Magical Journey”. I just cannot put into words the the immense
impact you have made on me and others!
For sure, count me in!
You wrote of Beth: “I’m dazzled not only by her output, which is prolific, but even more so by the sheer gorgeousness of her writing, the depth of her knowing and the intensity of her watching, the shimmering intensity with which she translates human experience into words that breathe with life and pulse with truth.”
Don’t you understand that is how so many of us feel about you?! I for certain do! So it is no surprise that birds flock together and that you and Beth have found such kinship in your life and craft!
I feel so blessed to be enriched with your words and continuing insights.
As a soon-to-be empty nester, seeker, and fellow Smithie, “Magical Journey” really resonated with me. I read it in big gulps on a spring break vacation. Also “Traveling Mercies” by Anne Lamott and “Circle of Quiet” by Madeleine L’Engle. Hmm … may need to re-read that one. It’s been a while. Thanks so much for your memoirs and your blog!
One of my favorite memoirs is “Girl Meets God,” by Lauren Winner. I read it just as I was on the cusp of embracing faith after a long hiatus, and Winner’s conversion story spoke to me deeply.
I would SO love to read this! My favorites are Gift of an Ordinary Day, Stephen King’s On Writing, and Anne morrow Lindbergh. Thank you!
Not sure if Simple Abundance by Sarah Bran Breathnach counts as a memoir but it was the book that started me searching for myself. Gift from the Sea, Journal of a Solitude, A Life of One’s own, Life’s that Way, Perfectly Imperfect, Crazy Love, Resilience, Eat, Pray Love, Falling Apart in One Piece, This is not the Story you Think it is, Around the House and in the Garden, Two Kisses for Maddy, to name but a few!
Such extraordinary responses to a question that beguiles. On any given day, I can never choose. But I do know how grateful I am to Katrina for her great support of this book, and of me, through years and years and years. Thank you.
Count me in ….i want to leave my best friend all the titles listed throughout the replies. I haven’t read one but I am writing a list as fast as I can……I am new to this site and I am introducing my dear friend Judy to it right away.
I too cannot identify one book. I LOVE your books Katrina and those of Margaret Roach.
Well, I just gave my daughter who is the (always worried) 37 year old mother of a baby girl born in January your autographed (from Toadstool), Mitten Strings. And I bought her an extra copy to give to a friend. And I just bought a close friend , also an author, Magical Journey. For pure hilarity, Ali Wentworth’s Ali in Wonderland to my best friend in Texas.
Thanks
Holly
“Song in a Weary Throat” by Pauli Murray. Civil rights activist, lawyer, poet, founding member of NOW, Murray late in life went to seminary and became the first black woman to be ordained a priest in the Episcopal Church. A story of heartbreak and triumph, this masterfuly-written memoir captured my heart the summer my late mother and I read it together.
I think the book I’d give to a friend as a memoir is Andy Andrews ..The Noticer… all you need is a little perspective….another I’d give would be eat love pray..and please.count me in
connie miller
I’ve read and have passed on these timely, treasured memoirs to friends: The Gift of an Ordinary Day, The Glass Castle, Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl, and A Year by the Sea. Also Madeline L’Engle wrote some beautiful ones although I can’t recall the titles. I’m always inspired by the strength, vulnerability and the willingness to laugh at oneself, in memoirs written by women in midlife, like me!
Let’s go with Lauren Slater’s Lying . . . at least for today. And thanks so much for this opoprturnity.
And words for dear Katrina here. I needed a hummingbird before I could write them: http://beth-kephart.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-faraway-nearbyrebecca-solnit.html
Have enjoyed so many of the books mentioned here and thanks to this blog post, have more to seek out for summer reading! For some reason Roald Dahl’s memoir “Boy” comes to mind to mention— this one I listened to on tape with my sons…it was fascinating to see how his upbringing impacted his clever, imaginative writing. Thank you, Katrina and Beth!
xoxo
I am just a “memoir lover” but the one that got me started on the path to myself was Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s, “The Gift from the Sea”. I discovered this memoir at an antique fair around the time I turned 40 and although even then it was close to fifty years since its first printing, its parallels to women’s lives today is as strong now as it was when it was written.
I am interested in starting a blog combining my photography with some writing but am apprehensive about the writing aspect so I would love to read this book offering. Thank you so much!
I enjoy reading Beth’s memoirs so very much. Thank you for posting you thoughts on Handling the Truth plus an opportunity to win a copy! I recently finished The Last Childhood: A Family Story of Alzheimer’s by Carrie Knowles. There are so many good memoirs out there and these comments provide some new titles for me to check out. Thank you!
The Butterfly Mosque by G Willow Wilson.
Delves into a culture too few understand and is lyrically written.
thank you for the opportunity of this lovely gift.
i would give to my closest friends (and i did to one of them last night!) “i never promised you a goodie bag” by jennifer gilbert. i found my self, several times, laughing out loud and getting teary eyed throughout the book. very inspiring!
I really liked the memoir The Women Who Raised Me by Victoria Rowell. This incredible woman began life as a foster child in the state of Maine and went on to become a ballet dancer and long time actress on The Young and the Restless. This book is a tribute to the women who raised her. Amazing story of mentors, serendipity, and hard work.
Count me in~
I thank you for the opportunity of winning this book, and of bringing it to light. I”ll look for it.
thank you for this generous and exquisite offering. a few lovely memoirists…katrina kenison, sue monk kidd, anne lamott, kelly corrigan, martha beck, kate braestrup, eve ensler, isabel allende, alice walker, julia alvarez, joy harjo, anna quindlen, and recently, emily rapp, glennon doyle melton, sera beak.
Count me in. And thanks to so many for titles of memoirs I haven’t yet read!
Count me in too! I loved reading “Ghostbread” by Sonja Livingston. A remarkable collection of more than 100 “mini-chapters” that forms a story of resilience not soon forgotten. I’m also reading “Infidel” by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a story that shed a great deal of light on Muslim women across the world.
P.S. Loved meeting you last week at Titcomb’s in Sandwich. What a special evening it was…
“Magical Journey” especially resonated with me as a fellow writer and yoga lover.. As my sons start high school, I often wonder how (and if) to write about our family. Would love to read this book!
I read Frank Defords’s memoir Alex the Life of a Child several years and have never forgotten it. It was so sad but beautifully written about his young daughter and her death from Cystic Fibrosis.
Ann Lamott is one of my favorite memoir writers. Her work speaks to my soul.
THE GIFT OF AN ORDINARY DAY and then MAGICAL JOURNEY but the one I treasure most is the journal of these writings here.
Count me in! I loved The Rules of Inheritance by Claire Bidwell Smith.
I have a son with Asperger’s and a husband with Parkinson’s. Most of my friends cannot identify with the changes that either/both of these bring. So memoirs help me realize that there are people out there who do understand! Right now I am reading Diane Ackerman’s One Hundred Names for Love.
Well, I am not sure that it is technically a memoir . . . but The Simple Faith of Mr. Rogers is a good read by Amy Hollingsworth. She chronicles her 9 years of friendship with Mr. Rogers
I would recommend Hannah’s Gift: Lessons from a Life Fully Lived by Maria Housden for anyone who has a lost a child to illness, as I have. Lovely and uplifting.
I just finished Tolstoy and the Purple Chair by Nina Sankovitch last week and it is one of the best memoirs I have read, and you were the one who recommended this book in one of your posts. I have so many favorites, and in reading all the comments, it looks like there are many more that I could read. Of course, your books are among my favorites. I read again The Gift of an Ordinary Day this summer and probably got even more out of the book than the first time I read it. Thank you for all the wonderful writing and sharing. And thank you for the opportunity to win a new book.
I just purchased two copies of Magical Journey. It was my favorite memoir of the last year. I’m keeping one copy for myself and giving one away for a birthday gift.
Count me in!
Alison (Half Moon Bay, CA)
I have given two close friends your Gift of an Ordinary Day – love it
One of my favorite memoirs in the past few years, one that keeps on returning, like a lost glove, is I Just Lately Started Buying Wings, Missives from the Other Side of Silence, by Kim Dana Kupperman. I work at a public library and had the great luck of putting the book out on the browsers. I just knew I was meant to read this book. The writing and experiences she wrestles with will amaze you!
I love, love, love memoirs…. Have cherished and retread all of yours, and many others. I’ll mention the one I’ve finished most recently — “Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion” by Gregory Boyle. Part memoir, part storytelling of his mission. My daughter (age 13) is an aspiring writer and I’d share your giveaway book with her.
This is the first time I have ever left a comment, ever. Emily Rapp’s memoir Still Point of the Turning World (fabulous title!) helped me to understand my own grief better. I’m a huge fan of your writing and look forward to reading anything you recommend. Thanks!
I have given many of my friends “The Gift of an Ordinary Day” . . . but perhaps the book to give my best friend hasn’t been written yet . . . but I am working on it!
Memoir is my new favorite genre, so there are many titles to choose from. But, as always, I go to the one that has had the biggest impact on my life. Mothering Mother by Carol O’Dell. I read it as I spent every day caring for my dad at the end of his life. I read about Carol walking along the same river in Jacksonville, that ran past my house. I imagined us like minded friends. As serendipity would have it, I am glad to say today Carol and I are friends. She is my writing coach, confidant, and mentor. She makes me laugh and shares my tears. She has pulled me out of my shell and said, “yes, you are a writer,” enough times that I’ve begun to believe it even when I can’t think of anything to write. I’d love to win Handling the Truth, but since I’m maybe the unluckiest of all people, I’ll buy a copy. Should I win, I’ll pass it on to the other memoirists in my writing group.
Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala. Something said when there’s absolutely nothing to be said. I think you know the feeling.
Count me in!
The Gift of an Ordinary Day is my favorite memoir. It was the first pleasure book I made the time for in a very long time and I continue to make time to read almost daily ever since I discovered your beautiful story.
Mitten Strings…..I read it over and over again
I am going to order this book – I can’t wait to read it. I loved the story of how you found each other and how you remain friends and fellow writers. Thank you! Your words always open up a door in my heart.
I would give a copy of Magical Journey to my best friend because it is the memoir which resonates with me at this time in my life. Katrina’s words and thoughts have been a treasure. This is the one to read slowly and savor.
goodness, i could never choose one! luckily my best friend and i already read all the same ones. 🙂
Magical Journey, of course!
Please count me in!!
Ghostbread by Sonja Livingston came at a profound time for me and it is a gem of a book. Recently I have really loved Cheryl Strayed’s work. Both Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things.
RISE – By Ingrid Poulson, A Memoir and Self Help book on Resilience.
SHANTARAM – By Gregory David Roberts, Survival in the slums of Mumbai
EAT PRAY LOVE, GIFT OF AN ORDINARY DAY, MITTEN STRINGS…… Cannot chose one, I had better stop here. Fact is so much more absorbing than fiction!
A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis
I am thoroughly enjoying “I have Iraq in my shoe” by Gretchen Berg. Count me in! Thank you for the opportunity to enter this contest.
Harry Bernstein’s works are so beautifully written. The Golden Willow moved me so much. I was fascinated by willow trees as a child and that book is the reason I have one planted in my yard today. He is one of a few I would have loved to sit over coffee with and was saddened that there would not be anymore words of his to read. When I look at my willow and watch it’s growth I am reminded of him and it inspires me to keep moving on with my writing’s.
Count me in!! There are so many, but one of the first memoirs I ever read, and still one of my favorites is Beryl Markham’s “West with the Night”.
I’ve read so many memoirs but as I prepare to launch my younger child out into college away from home, I have to choose “Magical Journey” as it spoke deeply to me and was so relevant to what I’m going through right now. Katrina, you have such a gift with words, I am in awe of your ability to write with such grace, eloquence, and from the heart. You are an exquisite writer! Count me in!
Too many to choose so I would have to say the one I am going to write someday!
Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry (by this fabulous and wonderful writer I met once on a trip to New England) – still my favorite of all your books, so many wonderful reminders to enjoy and savor this stage of little people – count me in!